And the letters spell...?

No words today...

Picture This

1.Spell out your child's name in pictures:

Any guesses as to what The Kid's real name is?

Homework Time!!

Right, Bad Mommies, it's my turn to set the homework. Sorry it's so late. I could give a whole list of excuses, but you won't believe me anyhoo…

Okay, for this week, I want everyone to do a Photo Project. I know all of you, myself included, are Happy Snappers and that is why I think we need to do something like this.

So for topics, please choose one of these*:

• Place your emotions and feelings into a picture. How does your child(ren) make you feel? What do they mean to you? For example, Happiness = A photo of an ice-cream or a chocolate (cause we all know how happy that makes us). Be as creative as you want!
  

OR

• Take photos of objects/shapes to spell out the name of your child. It could be his real name, or the nickname we all know him by (like Damien for Angel and Boobah for me). For example, I could take a photo of a ball, to represent the B in Boobah and a photo of a wheel or round object for the O.
  

For mommies who have don't have a camera, Google Image Search** has just become your new best friend. And seeing though I've only put up the homework midweek, deadline for this project would be end of next week. Bear in mind that on Monday a new assignment will be set as well, so the two will run parallel with each other.

I hope you all have fun and that this really gets those creative juices flowing!

*Minimum of 3 pictures required

** Please remember to give credit to the original owner of the pictures you use

SURPRISE!! We Have Rules At Home!!

Thassaright bunnies- Damien and I have several house rules- and obviously as he’s gotten older these have changed. . . and I have very clearly added to them as well as situations have arisen. . . At this point in time, our “rule book” is tracking at 421 pages, with over 872 rules, including all the appendixes, corrections, addendums, modifications, additions, adjustments and amendments we’ve made (okay, mainly changes I’ve made) over the years, but I’ll just list the top 10 and spare you the rest shall I?

As for the belated Bad Mommy homework... again... I dibs the easter weekend as an excuse!

Rule number one: his cellphone has to be charged, switched on and near him at all times

Rule number two: his cellphone has to be set on an audible ring tone- not just on vibrate or on silent

Rule number three: he may not go anywhere without letting me know he’s going somewhere

Rule number four: he may not burn anything in the house- it has to be done outside if he absolutely HAS to burn something, otherwise it must wait till I get home

Rule number five: he has to smoke outside the flat. . . unless I’m smoking too then he may smoke inside. . . hhmmm, may need a rethink, what. . .?

Rule number six: no girls allowed in his room

Rule number seven: he may not go into a girl’s bedroom

Rule number eight: no PS2 on weekdays unless it’s a holiday

Rule number nine: no age restricted PS2 games or movies, obviously meaning restricted to older than he is

Rule number ten: he has to have his meds every day

rant post, block your ears kids

For fuck sakes. Woman at the robot in front of me? Buckle your kid the hell up! Do you not realise that if you slam on the brakes the first thing going through your child's mind, next, will be his ass? Literally.

Did no one ever tell you that while the ankle biter sticks out his arm a truck will magically rush past and chop it off?

I think sometimes you mothers out there need to wake the fuck up and read the newspapers. Children DO die. Children DO get involved in car accidents. Children DON'T live forever. Some of us bury them before we ever imagined.

Buckle up and sit your arse down on the chair, not on the back shield or in between the front seats!

Stop being such a pussy, and be a parent.

Child Protégé, Indeed.

(Crossposted from SA Parent Life)

So, there you were, all newborn and fresh and cute and your dad and I were swallowed up by new baby love.

Then, after six weeks of “continual awake/asleep/feed me/change me/and that’s all I do – isn’t that easy?” phasing… the worst thing happened.

All of a sudden, you were AWAKE. AWAKE and staring at me. Goading me to “go on, now entertain me”.

So, we did. We bought the bloody expensive Baby Einstein. Convinced ourselves we were, as a result, nurturing your hidden talents and growing ourselves a true blue child protégé. We just KNEW we were the BEST parents ever.

Of course, that was the exact moment you started to totally ignore the television.

So, back to the world’s largest baby superstore we went. And invested small African countries’ GDPs in “educational toys”, utterly enamoured by the idea that WE were doing the BEST for our little pumpkin. SHE was going to grow up and CHANGE the world.

And we brought them home, showed them to you, and you gave them exactly thirteen seconds’ attention before throwing them back at me.

And turned your attention back to the television.

So, we kept on going. Trying everything. Reading. Reading to you and with you was a HUGE priority in our lives because someone (and approximately fifteen child-rearing books) said…

“You know, children who read from a young age really learn to talk faster?”

And there we were, talking to you and reading up a storm. CONVINCED that we were STILL growing a child protégé. I even went as far as saying:

“Well, my daughter is already mouthing words and making word-sounding babbles. She’s SO clever”

Why did nobody stop me and say something like “Oh, you’re going to regret this one…”

And then, you were walking and talking. You said “mama” one Thursday night and I just held you and cried and laughed and smiled.

I WAS SO PROUD.

Until, of course, the day came. Anyone who is a parent knows this. The day comes where you begin to regret being so eager for your child to speak and talk and communicate.

And yes, folks, that day was a Tuesday morning.

You’d been sick, poor thing. There’d been mess and vomit and pooh.

So, I cleaned us both up, started the mammoth laundry task. Tried to pry my fatigued eyes open to remember how to turn the machine on.

Both of us so tired and grubby.

And there I was, standing beside the machine. And you called me that name I know and love so well now.

“Mama?”

So, I turned and looked at you, my poor little sick child.

“Yes, Cameron?”

And you looked back at me, with your innocent eyes, all your precious teeth grinning at me.

And then you said, “F*ck.”
.
“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.” ~Author Unknown

introduction - c@th

So, here I am, doing my introductory homework, because I am failing dismally with the househunt this morning - sigh. Not my fault they will not put the perfect address up for rent.

1. Post a picture of your kids.


this is my favourite one of the two of us. i look about three thousand years older than i really am, but i don't care. it's from the december holidays, and it was the best time.

2. Tell us all 3 things we wouldn't know about you.

a. I have horrible coordination. seriously. the fact that I have yet to break a limb (touch huge amounts of wood!) in my life is terribly surprising.
b. i type very fast. someone once said i 'am not an easy tiger on the keyboard'.
c. i live in my head most days. i'm learning not to be ashamed of it.

3. Tell us some things we wouldn't know about your kid(s).

a. Cameron was electrocuted during the first year of life at school. Yep, freak accident at daycare. She has a little scar on the lefthand side of her lip. One day when she asks about it, I will tell her she was working on her Pikachu inner character.
b. She is not afraid to name and explain her emotions. This makes me happy, and think that maybe I am doing a good-enough job.
c. She has a favourite princess skirt that she wears everyday. I am not one to remove a comfort object. Life's too hard already, I say, let the comfort objects rule!
d. As she grows, she becomes more and more affectionate.
e. She crawled for about a week before she thought, bugger this, I'm walking.
f. She has the same birthmark as me, just on the outside of her leg, whilst mine is on the inner thigh.
g. Her favourite crayon is black. I don't believe in the conventional thinking that this is indicative of negative thoughts. I think she's just honest. And on that note...
h. She is the most honest person I have ever met.

4. What quote/saying best describes the way you feel about being a mommy?

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times (paraphrase)

5. Who's your Famous Mommy Role Model?

Um. Famous? Maybe Angelina Jolie or Gwen Stefani. But, in reality, my Mommy Role Model would have to be the single moms out there who do not feel like they have to apologise or justify themselves to anyone.

6. If you could have one wish granted for your kid(s), what would it be?

Have good friends.

Perhaps Not Supremely Amusing at 19 Months

Q: Please tell us about something your child(ren) said that was supremely amusing. Embarrassing is also fun.

A: My daughter's 1st word was "hi" (the exact way I say it - kind of high-pitched/sing-songy)....this is more amusing in person unfortunately. Especially when she says it right after I have said "no" to something or when she knows she has done something "wrong".

Supremely amusing (to us - cuz everything is at this age) and hopefully even so not in person for all of you: her 1st phrase "OH - M- GHA" (Oh My God). She was saying this at 13(? - not sure, cuz being the bad mommy I am, I have yet to record ANYthing) months. If this was her 1st phrase, I think we have many more amusing moments awaiting us.

BTW, she now says "Elmo", "Coo" (for Blues Clues), "Wa Wa" (for Wa Wa Wubzy - cartoon), "Foo" (for food), "Dai" (for Daddy).

....she has yet to say "mommy" or anything resembling it.

Ain't motherhood just grand.

things i miss about BC

hi there. I'm not sure whether i should introduce myself or not. here goes the 'data':

single working mom in durban with vitriol running through her head, constantly, lying next to dreams. write and love it, smoke too much and trying to be unapologetically alive.

and I just want to say this: i think you're all amazing mothers. But, more than that, amazing writers. But, more than that, amazing women.

I thought I'd start with a little list of things I miss from BC. BC = Before.Child.

So, here goes:

1. Staying up all night, sleeping my hangover off all day.
2. Playing music loudly. all day.
3. I once spent an entire weekend in my pyjamas, watching South Park. Nothing disturbed me. On my worst mommy days, I want to timewarp back to there.
4. Having money to spend on the things I want, not the things she needs.
5. Having clean carpets.
6. Smoking inside the house.
7. Getting home from work and not doing anything domestic 'til the morning after.
8. Being able to type coherent blogposts/emails/anything, and not having to fight for the keyboard.
9. Being able to wear jewellery and not having it stolen from me with a "Mommy! Pretty!" glee.
10. Not having to feel guilty for getting my jig on with the girls.
11. Randomly 'going on the pull' with the girls, and waking up somewhere and thinking "you're nice, what's your name again?"


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. now breathe in and go wash bottles mom.

Blasphemy

Duplicate post from my site

I can't believe that our *government decided that easter was falling during an inconvenient time so they promptly shifted it one month back! Ok, I can.. just wanted to appear shocked...
Whats next Christmas in November??

I told my boys because its a leap year the easter bunny only gives easter eggs to adults.. They weren't happy... Now before you go all "shame man, cruel mother" on me, consider the facts...

1. they are 13 and 9 years old..

2. they pretend to believe in the easter bunny for the chocolate..

and if they can play this game why cant I play along?

;-)

B

*government - I have since been told that the government is working in conjunction with the moon phases and Equinox… I am not aware of how dangerous this Equinox is but proceed with caution when encountered..just to be safe.. Weather is kak here at the moment so I am going back to bed..

Over and Out!

P.S. sorry its a copy but work has me strangled at the moment... :-)