Blasphemy

Duplicate post from my site

I can't believe that our *government decided that easter was falling during an inconvenient time so they promptly shifted it one month back! Ok, I can.. just wanted to appear shocked...
Whats next Christmas in November??

I told my boys because its a leap year the easter bunny only gives easter eggs to adults.. They weren't happy... Now before you go all "shame man, cruel mother" on me, consider the facts...

1. they are 13 and 9 years old..

2. they pretend to believe in the easter bunny for the chocolate..

and if they can play this game why cant I play along?

;-)

B

*government - I have since been told that the government is working in conjunction with the moon phases and Equinox… I am not aware of how dangerous this Equinox is but proceed with caution when encountered..just to be safe.. Weather is kak here at the moment so I am going back to bed..

Over and Out!

P.S. sorry its a copy but work has me strangled at the moment... :-)

Letter of Intent...

It was not something I wanted to do but they pushed me and pushed me until finally I had no choice..

There was a meeting in the kitchen..
Three present and counting. One exhausted, frustrated, unappreciated mom and two skulking scared boys...

I gave them both copies for which they signed for so that there is no "But I didn't know!" plea's later on.

The document in question is an official Letter of Grievance.

Dear Spawn of mine,

1. I will no longer sign homework books - Tired of living a lie
2. I will no longer make lunches for school - It ends up in the bin anyway.
3. Your bedroom will no longer be cleaned by the maid - I can't afford the danger pay she demands.
4. If your dirty plates are not packed in the dishwasher then all meals will be served on the dirty dishes.
5. Clothing left on the floor will not be washed - alternatively teach your clothes to get up and walk itself to wash basket.
6. Bad attitude will be dealt with by the only means available - whips, chains, sticks, slops, cups, whatever.
7. Shouting and screaming at each other falls under Bad Attitude - see above
8. Money for airtime, shop,etc will have to be earned the old fashioned way - suck up to you Granny Outlaw, or sell unwanted crap to unsuspecting friends/relatives.
9. Trips to school, youth, shops, friends, etc will be charged for accordingly - I am not the free taxi service previously abused.

The above are to be strictly adhered to and any deviation from them will result in my complete resignation as you Mother and will have further repercussion such as emergency evacuation from the family home (for your own safety of course).

I think I am being very clear and look forward to a happier environment for everyone concerned.

Signed,
Mother

Well, After many jaw dropping minutes. I finally told them that this is the reality that they have built and since I have not quite reached that point I am just showing them what is on the cards if their behaviour does not buck up smart smart!

Pissed off is an Understatement!

Grade 8 (Standard 6) is understandably a difficult year for anyone...

But we are now in the second month of the year (less than 6 weeks into the school year and my son has had his school bag taken and stuff removed from it four times!!!
Now you must understand... His bag is on the field next to him when it gets taken...
So Far he has had his stationary, His School Jacket and today they tried to take his School Pullover..
Add to that he has had a fingernail ripped off his first week at school and he is a victim of a school bully (not at all related to theft) and it makes for ONE VERY VERY MAD MOM!!

I have been to to the school twice and I plan another visit tomorrow.. I am not sure how I am going to deal with this but I can tell you that I have it in mind to go there with a leather strap and lay into each and every kid that might be responsible.. :-@

Not sure if I will be allowed to so will ask first.

Anybody have any better suggestions on how to deal with is??

Frustrated and Angry Mom

P.S. Where is the law on stringing kids to bonnet and going for joyride??

Homework as Submitted by B

1. What is the one thing you have said or done to your kid that you regret the most.

I smoked while I was pregnant.. with both of them.. :-( ( I didnt have the stunting of growth but I cant help but wonder how intelligent they wouldve been)

2. Have you passed any bad habits on to your kid/s?

lol, I don't know... I am the wrong person to ask.. I am of the thought that I have no such thing.. best you ask Sexy G this..

3. Does your own mom rock or suck?

My Mom Rocked 2 million Percent.. Just wish I told her more often...

4. How do you feel about TV, music, popular media around your kids? Anything in particular you feel strongly about not letting your kid/s watch/listen to/read?

Barney has a lot to answer for but not half as much as tinky winky and his other gay cronies...
I don't have TV at home so all viewing is monitered strictly by me and I dont allow Age inappropriate viewing at all.. ( I am a sucky mom, I know)

B

I cant believe there are so many questions...

1. How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?

Very.... I expected foot rubs, dishes sorted, clean home.. with other words little slaves...

2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?

Oh boy, I vowed I would never stand on the balcony and holler Briggieeeeeeeeee!! for the whole neighborhood to hear.. I can safely say I have not done this..

3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-conscious by the condition of your home?

Self Conscious - Unless its Tuesday or Thursday ( maria comes out of her hole and does her voodoo on my chaos).. Otherwise its tea in the garden... :-)

4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?

Thats Easy.... chicken and egg ... depends on who comes first!

5. Did you suffer from post natal depression (this is an awful boring question but I always wonder about this cause I didn't suffer myself)?

Naaa, I don't think I did.. I did suffer from "I hate my In laws so much I wish it was legal to shoot them" syndrome but I finally conquered that with a simple divorce :-)

B

Home... portrayed by a 13 year old

This is a poem that my 13 year old wrote to me a few weeks ago and I saw it on my desk this morning and I thought you would all like to read it..

He wrote this to me after I told him that since he doesn't like my rules and my home he should phone his dad and arrange to be collected..

So after a few minutes he came and gave this to me...

" Home by J

Home is a place where you feel safe
Home is a place where people love you
Home is a place where people go out of their way to help you
Home is not a place to fight
It is all of the above and much more
Here is my home
And if not... Where is my home? "

B

Homework Week 3 - Because I Can...

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

"I was young and had just put down a deposit on a flat , it was a crappy flat but it was going to be my first.. It took me months convincing my dad that I was a big girl when numbnuts aka arsef?k knocked me up and blew that fish out of the water for me..
...instead I got the pleasure of getting married to a guy I didn't know living a life I wasn't sure of.."

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

"I don't have much problem with that since I tell people that my pumpkins are the neighbours kids who just tend to hang around alot cos I make nice food.."

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?

"Nope, never.. swore my family to secrecy and have threatened to shave off all their eyebrows while they sleep if they even so much as utter ..'when your mom was younger'.."

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

"You are a fantastic mom.."

5. What is the worst?

"My eldest got hurt once falling from the back of a bakkie and we had to rush him to hospital because he fell on his head.. he was only 8 months old at the time and I was supposed to be watching him..
My ex blamed me for this and told the hospital it was my fault and left me there.. they almost had me arrested for abuse until my doctor(who knew me and realised what was going on) came to my rescue and sorted the whole thing out.. I never forgave arsef?k for pulling that on me.. It was his way of teaching me a lesson.."

B

demmit and morons...

Just when you think things are going smoothly all the planets will get together and align themselves just to remind you that life is a madam and you are her bitch...

So I get the phone call at work on Friday.. you know the one..

"..Hello J's Mom, Please don't panic he is fine now..."

Blood drains from your body and you are afraid of what you are about to hear next..

"..J had an accident while on his team building exercise and a log rolled onto him and I am afraid his nail has been ripped off of his finger and you will need to collect him and take him to the medical centre.."

OMW!! Is that all .. no problem this is no problem ..really.. why the hell do I feel this sense of wanting to rip someones head off then?

Got to the school at a rate of knots with some godforsaken pair of slops on and no makeup.. I think the teacher thought I was on drugs with the look on my face.. I bundled my little pumpkin in the car all the while thinking of the things I could do with a log that would make me feel better...

So at the Doctors room, after loads of anaesthetic ,the remnants of his fingernail was ripped off and bottled for show and tell.. In fact he said he was going to shove it under DP's(the boy who was responsible for the log rolling on J) nose and show him what he did..

That's my boy!

So I took him back to the school afterwards so he could continue with the leadership course with all the bravado that only my pumpkins would have...

B

Searching the Database...

1. What do you remember most clearly about the birth of your kid(s)?

J was a traumatic birth... I had to undergo an emergency Caesar and gotta tell you that it was the longest 30 min of my life being unable to push and feeling like I have the worlds biggest dump on board! But they soon put me under but I when I woke up I was convinced I was still pregnant and in labour till they brought in my J.. He looked like such a cute little rat.. I loved him immediately..
D was more civilised and I knew the risk this time and was less surprised when I needed to go for a Caesar, and there was enough time for epidural aswell.. Watched the birth via the lights !!
wow.. what a helluva thing!!
He peed on the doctor... That's my boy! I then passed out (probably from exhaustion in watching them work) and woke up with him being thrust on my nipple... nothing says I love you like cracked nipples..

2. What weird cravings did you have, if any?

I didn't crave anything..
But I did pull a fakey!.. he he..
When I wanted something I told my ex that it was a craving.. worked for me..

3. What other names were you debating, before you settled on the name you did?

Too many to relate.. only knew it wasn't going to be my name ;-)
(nobody ever spells it my way..which is obviously the right way!)

4. What's the hardest part about being a mommy?

Saying No..

5. How did becoming a mommy change you?

I finally understood my mom and loved her more ...

6. What advice would you give any future mommies-to-be?

Don't give up on them and whatever you do never show fear.. they can smell it a mile away...

B

Ima Newbie...

Me & My Pumpkins...

3 things you wouldn't know about me

1. I don't do ironing...
2. I am a Qualified PC/Network Technician (have all the blah blahs to prove it)...
3. I love cars, computers, movies & series, and sexy time...

Some things you wouldn't know about my boys

1. J is 13..
2. D is 9..
3. J wrote me a poem the other day to try convince me not to kick him out..
4. They are actually cool with the fact that I drive a pink car...
5. J is ADD and D is an overachiever who doesn't rock boats...

A saying that best describes the way I feel about being a mommy?

"OMG, I feel old... stop growing dammit!! "

Who's my Famous Mommy Role Model ?

I dont really have a famous mommy role model..but if I am pressed on this point I will have to go with
Madonna: You don't hear of her kids flashing their gauva's* for the camera's and she is still incredibly hot!

If I could have one wish granted for my boys, what would it be?

For a bigger place so they can each get their own room... they are about to kill each other!

B

* gauva's = that bald eagle that britney spears, paris hilton and lindsay lohan are convinced should be flashed about so that we can remind them when its time to go wax again..