Part 1
What 3 things do you do, as a mother that goes against all the books?
Well, since I’m a stickler for the rules (as most of you know) like adhering to movie and PS2 game age restrictions… proper bedtimes, and obeying legal issues like not being allowed in the front seat till you’re 12, always wearing a seatbelt and sticking to the speed limit… there’s not much I do that’s not by the book.
Here are the few I could think of…
1. If he says he’s not hungry, he doesn’t have to eat.
I do not fight with Damien when he says he’s not hungry. I learnt early in his life that he is not a big eater. He’s not fussy- but he goes through phases where he doesn’t eat at all. It used to be a battle. I would serve him some food and we’d sit and he wouldn’t eat. And we’d fight about it because he HAS to eat… doesn’t he? Then I had a revelation and I stopped forcing the issue. One nightmare over with! It’s taken my family a while to get used to it though… he’s the only person I know who can go to a restaurant and not eat simply because he’s not hungry. So instead I make sure there are snacky things like sausages and two-minute noodles and lots of bread and leftovers for in case he decides he wants to eat, or like when he was little I offered him a “Nutrament” or “Ensure” milkshake instead.
2. I shut the door so I don’t have to see the mess.
His bedroom usually looks like a bomb’s hit it. When he was little, I tidied up for him- trying to get him to do it too and help out and get into some kind of habit… but to no avail. So I gave up. Every now and then I did a hectic spring clean when he was away on camp or something, but for the most part I left it. I still do. But he has to take responsibility- if he doesn’t make sure his dirty clothes are in the wash when it gets done then he doesn’t have clean clothes either.
3. He can wear what he wants…
Except for being strict on school uniform requirements- Damien can wear whatever he likes. This often means he goes around looking like a real scruff- and I will ask him occasionally if he doesn’t perhaps want to brush his hair, or wear a different shirt… and I will tell him if it’s a smart sort of occasion and a T-Shirt won’t do, but that’s it. He’s allowed to wear whatever outfit he chooses.
Part 2
What is your opinion on pets - and your children's role in the new family members’ life? AND when do you say NO and HOW do you say NO to hairy and scaly pets without destroying your son’s dreams of becoming a Nature conservationist.
I am one of the few people who do NOT believe that a child NEEDS a pet. I’m sure you’ve all heard people use the totally nonsensical argument that “he really needs to grow up with a dog of his own you know”. I think people who think like that have watched “Old Yeller” or “Lassie” too many times.
The truth is that no matter how old your kidlets are- you are the one who will end up looking after said animal.
Yes you can make it his or her responsibility- but we all know what’s going to happen. Either you’ll be cleaning up hurriedly in the morning so your other half doesn’t step in anything… or you’ll clean up after and feed the animal for the sake of peace because you’ve argued with your offspring for 4 solid days about your agreement that he or she would look after it.
So. How do you not wreck his or her dreams of becoming a game ranger or some such? Let them volunteer their time at a shelter like Wetnose or the SPCA. Organisations like this are always looking for people to help out in some way or another. And the few hours your kidlet then spends with the animals means he doesn’t get bored with the responsibility, they’re making a small difference, and you don’t have to argue with them all the time about whether Rover’s been fed and Felix’s litter-box scooped out.
Showing posts with label angel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label angel. Show all posts
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
These I Can't Do...
It's late, sorry... but since I have been wracking my brain about what to put on this here list of 7-mommy-related-simply-can't-do-things, I am going to post it no matter what!
Naturally as Damien gets older, it gets easier and easier to do things I couldn’t do before… So I’m going to go back in time, and jump around a little, to things I couldn’t do before but can do now and vice-versa. And a lot of these are on the other mommy’s lists too... I knew I shouldn't have read them before I did mine!!
...I’ll start with sleeping in, especially with Damien! He would get up to all kinds of mischief if he was awake alone, including painting my pet rat, Loopy- and his cage- green when he was 4 years old. And of course attempting to make himself breakfast- resulting in a milk-and-rice-crispy-coated kitchen and a floor sticky with sugar! And no matter how many times, or how I tried, I never could get him to come and wake me when he woke up!
…shop just for me... even now with the knucklehead taller than me and 17 years old. Like a lot of mommies out there- my Angel to Damien purchase ratio is on average about 1-3.
…watch age-restricted movies! For a long time, and now still to a degree, I couldn’t rent a DVD if it had an age restriction older than Damien was. Another single mom neighbour friend and I used to make it a treat night for us to share a supper with the two of us and our two boys, rent a movie for them and one for us to watch when they had either gone to bed or were safely ensconced behind a bucket of LEGO and a closed door with snacky things and a small supply of cool drink. Of course the remote was close at hand to pause if one of them came out of the room…
…go on spontaneous outings or parties, or change my plans at the last minute… especially if I had organised a baby-sitter for Damien. If I had organised an overnight stay for him somewhere it was even harder to change my plans! And of course with a little Damien I would inevitably not have enough “stuff” to just stay late whenever I felt like it.
…not check up on him. I just cannot assume he’s fine, no matter what he’s doing or where he is. At least I don’t call him when he’s at school- but I STILL double check to make sure he’s had his meds and done his homework. I ask him every morning if he’s packed his bags for the day and if he has everything he needs for school. I know I know… I’m a nag! But I’m not going to make excuses for either of us- this is how it must be, okay!??
…stop researching Damien’s AD/HD. He goes through good phases and rough ones, and we deal with each one as it happens… but I never stop reading up on it. I have several books on the subject and I receive about 5 parenting e-news letters dealing with AD/HD and I attend seminars and talks when I can.
…not wonder if I could have or can do more…
Naturally as Damien gets older, it gets easier and easier to do things I couldn’t do before… So I’m going to go back in time, and jump around a little, to things I couldn’t do before but can do now and vice-versa. And a lot of these are on the other mommy’s lists too... I knew I shouldn't have read them before I did mine!!
...I’ll start with sleeping in, especially with Damien! He would get up to all kinds of mischief if he was awake alone, including painting my pet rat, Loopy- and his cage- green when he was 4 years old. And of course attempting to make himself breakfast- resulting in a milk-and-rice-crispy-coated kitchen and a floor sticky with sugar! And no matter how many times, or how I tried, I never could get him to come and wake me when he woke up!
…shop just for me... even now with the knucklehead taller than me and 17 years old. Like a lot of mommies out there- my Angel to Damien purchase ratio is on average about 1-3.
…watch age-restricted movies! For a long time, and now still to a degree, I couldn’t rent a DVD if it had an age restriction older than Damien was. Another single mom neighbour friend and I used to make it a treat night for us to share a supper with the two of us and our two boys, rent a movie for them and one for us to watch when they had either gone to bed or were safely ensconced behind a bucket of LEGO and a closed door with snacky things and a small supply of cool drink. Of course the remote was close at hand to pause if one of them came out of the room…
…go on spontaneous outings or parties, or change my plans at the last minute… especially if I had organised a baby-sitter for Damien. If I had organised an overnight stay for him somewhere it was even harder to change my plans! And of course with a little Damien I would inevitably not have enough “stuff” to just stay late whenever I felt like it.
…not check up on him. I just cannot assume he’s fine, no matter what he’s doing or where he is. At least I don’t call him when he’s at school- but I STILL double check to make sure he’s had his meds and done his homework. I ask him every morning if he’s packed his bags for the day and if he has everything he needs for school. I know I know… I’m a nag! But I’m not going to make excuses for either of us- this is how it must be, okay!??
…stop researching Damien’s AD/HD. He goes through good phases and rough ones, and we deal with each one as it happens… but I never stop reading up on it. I have several books on the subject and I receive about 5 parenting e-news letters dealing with AD/HD and I attend seminars and talks when I can.
…not wonder if I could have or can do more…
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Angel's Bad Mommy Homework...
…write a post explaining when it is that you most feel like a mother. And when it is that you don’t. When did you first realise that you were somebody's mother?
Hhmmm… this took some thinking lemme tell you bunnies! And I tried not to read anyone else’s posts till I had done mine… though it was tempting when I was wracking my empty brain!
When do (or did) I NOT feel like a mother.
Well, until Damien was about 2 weeks old, I didn’t feel at all like a mother. Yes I had a natural birth and yes I was breastfeeding and getting up in the middle of the night… but it felt like I was babysitting for someone else. I kept waiting for and expecting this magical moment when Damien and I would “bond” and I would look at him adoringly and the world around me would disappear and soft music would play and everything would be in soft focus.
Didn’t happen.
Perhaps it was partly because I was so young and selfish… there was so much I had planned to do- and now I had this tiny little human who needed me ALL THE TIME! Perhaps it was partly that I was expecting something that couldn’t happen… not like it did in the movies! I remember a specific night that I started crying almost uncontrollably whilst feeding a tiny Damien. My mom came to see what was up. I blubbed all but incoherently at her about how I didn’t feel like Damien was mine and how I wasn’t really a mother and why wasn’t I bonding with him and and and… she gave me a tiny glass of sherry, sent me to bed and took Damien for a couple of hours. I forget what all she told me that night, but I felt a lot better.
And I must be honest, I feel less like a “mommy” and more like a “mother” as Damien gets older. Does that make sense?
When I most felt like a mother was when Damien used to snuggle up on the couch next to me, when we could share a two-seater comfortably. He’d put his head on the arm and squish his feet in behind my bum and we’d watch TV together until it was his bedtime.
Reading him bedtime stories and fetching him from school always made me feel like a mother.
Helping out at school fetes and selling soup and pancakes at gymnastics competitions made me feel like a mother every time.
Disciplining him also always made me feel like a mother… and all too often I could hear my own mommy darling when I spoke to Damien!
One of the many times it struck me that I was actually someone’s mother was watching Damien compete in his gymnastics competitions. He was good, and when I watched him I wanted to nudge the people around me and say things like “That’s MY boy!”
Other times it really hit home was when he would come and crawl into my bed in the early hours of a weekend morning, snuggle up to me and go back to sleep. In winter he would declare himself my hot-water-bottle and it was his job to keep me warm!
And of course, worrying about a sick Damien always brought home to me that I was wholly responsible for this little person!
And one time I remember all too clearly was in 1998 when I was admitted to hospital with asthmatic pneumonia. I had called my folks to fetch me at home late one night because I couldn’t breathe anymore and needed to go to the hospital- and of course Damien had had to go with us as he was too little to stay home. I was in the back of the emergency room with a drip and an oxygen mask and the doctor went to call my daddy darling to let him know I was staying. My dad and Damien walked into the room hand in hand and Damien and I took one look at each other and started bawling! The fear in his eyes was too dreadful!
Ooh, and fighting for Damien's rights as an ADHDer and talking about his treatments and medication ALWAYS reminds me that I am someone's mother!
So, to end off… I will be a mother for as long as I live… and I wouldn’t change anything in my life for all the tea in China!
Hhmmm… this took some thinking lemme tell you bunnies! And I tried not to read anyone else’s posts till I had done mine… though it was tempting when I was wracking my empty brain!
When do (or did) I NOT feel like a mother.
Well, until Damien was about 2 weeks old, I didn’t feel at all like a mother. Yes I had a natural birth and yes I was breastfeeding and getting up in the middle of the night… but it felt like I was babysitting for someone else. I kept waiting for and expecting this magical moment when Damien and I would “bond” and I would look at him adoringly and the world around me would disappear and soft music would play and everything would be in soft focus.
Didn’t happen.
Perhaps it was partly because I was so young and selfish… there was so much I had planned to do- and now I had this tiny little human who needed me ALL THE TIME! Perhaps it was partly that I was expecting something that couldn’t happen… not like it did in the movies! I remember a specific night that I started crying almost uncontrollably whilst feeding a tiny Damien. My mom came to see what was up. I blubbed all but incoherently at her about how I didn’t feel like Damien was mine and how I wasn’t really a mother and why wasn’t I bonding with him and and and… she gave me a tiny glass of sherry, sent me to bed and took Damien for a couple of hours. I forget what all she told me that night, but I felt a lot better.
And I must be honest, I feel less like a “mommy” and more like a “mother” as Damien gets older. Does that make sense?
When I most felt like a mother was when Damien used to snuggle up on the couch next to me, when we could share a two-seater comfortably. He’d put his head on the arm and squish his feet in behind my bum and we’d watch TV together until it was his bedtime.
Reading him bedtime stories and fetching him from school always made me feel like a mother.
Helping out at school fetes and selling soup and pancakes at gymnastics competitions made me feel like a mother every time.
Disciplining him also always made me feel like a mother… and all too often I could hear my own mommy darling when I spoke to Damien!
One of the many times it struck me that I was actually someone’s mother was watching Damien compete in his gymnastics competitions. He was good, and when I watched him I wanted to nudge the people around me and say things like “That’s MY boy!”
Other times it really hit home was when he would come and crawl into my bed in the early hours of a weekend morning, snuggle up to me and go back to sleep. In winter he would declare himself my hot-water-bottle and it was his job to keep me warm!
And of course, worrying about a sick Damien always brought home to me that I was wholly responsible for this little person!
And one time I remember all too clearly was in 1998 when I was admitted to hospital with asthmatic pneumonia. I had called my folks to fetch me at home late one night because I couldn’t breathe anymore and needed to go to the hospital- and of course Damien had had to go with us as he was too little to stay home. I was in the back of the emergency room with a drip and an oxygen mask and the doctor went to call my daddy darling to let him know I was staying. My dad and Damien walked into the room hand in hand and Damien and I took one look at each other and started bawling! The fear in his eyes was too dreadful!
Ooh, and fighting for Damien's rights as an ADHDer and talking about his treatments and medication ALWAYS reminds me that I am someone's mother!
So, to end off… I will be a mother for as long as I live… and I wouldn’t change anything in my life for all the tea in China!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
A Knucklehead Update!!!
Well, my darling Damien is currently on the South African three week long, winter school holiday.
Oh joy (Damien's current favourite saying)...
A bored Damien is never a good thing- he has not yet found a job, his friends are not within walking distance, and I have not yet replaced/ refilled my fire extinguishers (yes I know- I'm a bad mommy), I just haven't got around to it!
He's just finished his second term exams at school too- and after the first term's disastrous test results this term had better be a vast improvement otherwise he's in trouble.
In other non-educational adventure news, the knucklehead and my Glugs get on famously. They laugh together over silly things like whether tomatoes are fruits or vegetables, and Damien's invention of the "Book Of Botanical Shit" which Glugs insisted he had the newest publication of in his bookshelf at home. Then Glugs and I are sitting downstairs watching a movie or TV and the Knucklehead is playing Warhammer upstairs on the PC and Glugs will be "summoned" to compare notes or point something out in terms of where Damien is supposedly kicking his butt in the game (they're both playing the game but with different armies).
Damien is a little apprehensive about our moving in with my Glugs in August/ September... As am I! Apart from dreading the packing up of almost 13 year's accumulated crap (thats how long we've been in our flat) I am more than a little wary of giving up my independence to move in with him. Damien is a little nervous simply because its a big change for him... he is excited about having a pool and his own bathroom though- and he's happy that our furbabies are going with us and he doesn't have to change schools.
And a couple of weeks ago we spent the long weekend in Durban and Damien got to "dive" in uShaka's shark tank! I haven't seen him so excited about something in a long time. Then the three of us did a "reef walk" with these heavy glass domes over our heads and a manta ray gliding over us! It was awesome, and Damien could barely contain himself!
Oh joy (Damien's current favourite saying)...
A bored Damien is never a good thing- he has not yet found a job, his friends are not within walking distance, and I have not yet replaced/ refilled my fire extinguishers (yes I know- I'm a bad mommy), I just haven't got around to it!
He's just finished his second term exams at school too- and after the first term's disastrous test results this term had better be a vast improvement otherwise he's in trouble.
In other non-educational adventure news, the knucklehead and my Glugs get on famously. They laugh together over silly things like whether tomatoes are fruits or vegetables, and Damien's invention of the "Book Of Botanical Shit" which Glugs insisted he had the newest publication of in his bookshelf at home. Then Glugs and I are sitting downstairs watching a movie or TV and the Knucklehead is playing Warhammer upstairs on the PC and Glugs will be "summoned" to compare notes or point something out in terms of where Damien is supposedly kicking his butt in the game (they're both playing the game but with different armies).
Damien is a little apprehensive about our moving in with my Glugs in August/ September... As am I! Apart from dreading the packing up of almost 13 year's accumulated crap (thats how long we've been in our flat) I am more than a little wary of giving up my independence to move in with him. Damien is a little nervous simply because its a big change for him... he is excited about having a pool and his own bathroom though- and he's happy that our furbabies are going with us and he doesn't have to change schools.
And a couple of weeks ago we spent the long weekend in Durban and Damien got to "dive" in uShaka's shark tank! I haven't seen him so excited about something in a long time. Then the three of us did a "reef walk" with these heavy glass domes over our heads and a manta ray gliding over us! It was awesome, and Damien could barely contain himself!
And amazingly- and in a total first for Damien- he is still dating his girlfriend "Flower" after 4 months! As much as I wish he would stay single till he's at least 25, he's way too gawjiss for the girls to leave him alone... LOL!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
And the Honour of Best Bad Mommy for 2008 goes to…
~~you can hear a mouse fart as a hush settles over the millions of watchers~~
~~the camera zooms in on the presenters dazzling smile~~
~~the camera zooms in on the presenters dazzling smile~~
…can I have the envelope please…?
~~dramatic drum rolls in the background as Matt opens the envelope, smiling~~
…no surprise here ladies and gentlebloggers- the award goes to Angel, for “Raising Damien”!!!
~~naturally the crowd goes insane with applause and whistles~~
~~flowers are thrown and the paparazzi go bananas and balloons drop from the ceiling as I walk up the aisle~~
~~looking exquisite of course in a shimmering amethyst Versace gown, diamonds at my throat, fingers, ears, in my hair…~~
And then my boss asks me a question, boorishly ripping me from my own personal unreality.
Damn and blast.
Ahem. Okay, so I have my own little daydreams- admit it- we all do! You know the ones right?
Where my darling Damien is an “A” student and all round sports-kid and has an almost too long list of bestest best friends and gets invited to all the parties and then graduates summa cum laude from a prestigious varsity and make pots of money and the cover of “Time” magazine and writes a bestseller about his spectacular childhood.
Yes those ones.
I have them… still… though mostly now the daydreams are few and far between as I face the actuality of my 17 year old son’s abilities and issues whilst we make realistic plans. And I must admit that I still hope that by some miracle Damien will go to varsity and graduate and live comfortably and happily...
So what makes me a Bad Mommy I hear you ask? What makes me deserving of the “title” and the bloggy bling badge that’s up for grabs?
I’ll enlighten you shall I.
My darling Damien is invited back to friends houses over and over again, and nine times out of ten I get exemplary feedback when he’s been somewhere. The other time is “normal” hi-jinx that he is quickly forgiven for. He remembers his manners and saves all his worst for me.
Our shrink told me- officially- that I have NOT screwed him up entirely, despite my hard put upon child not being allowed to drink alcohol, drive, smoke cigarettes or have sex until he is legally allowed to.
If I pick him up and have to park over the road from the school or wherever, Damien gets ragged on good naturedly by his friends because he crosses the road at a zebra crossing- even if he has to walk a little out of his way to get to the crossing in order to get to my car.
He will hug me spontaneously, out of his own, for no apparent reason.
The principals and teachers of every school he has ever attended have all been issued with my cellphone number and email addresses so that I can be immediately contacted should they need to do so... and I am instantly recognised by all the staff! It drives Damien bananas when I am so uncool as to join the PTA and attend school meetings and parent teacher nights.
My darling Damien will put a highly sought over PS2 game or DVD back on the shelf if he turns it over and the age restriction is higher than he is allowed. He’ll pull a face- but he’ll put it back.
Damien loves to read. Years of bedtime stories and dragging him off to the library have paid off! Asterix and Obelix, Garfield, Harry Potter, magazines, Goosebumps, Terry Pratchett… and more recently Steven King.
He says he loves me.
My darling Damien is a medicated ADHDer. I was in denial for a long time- to his detriment- but he’s medicated and private schooled and treated and therapy’d now and I spare no expense when it comes to his treatment no matter what flak I get for it from those who hear me speak about his ADHD.
My darling Damien is always seeing things he knows others will like and it makes me all pink- fluffy-heart-like inside when he says things like “Sister B would love that!” “Sister C would love one of those...” “da Bruvva has always wanted that!” “Granny needs one of these.” “Nephew M likes those.”
My darling Damien knows me so well… if his granny darling takes him shopping for my birthday or Christmas or something he knows exactly what he wants to get and he knows exactly what I like.
And no I am not delusional- I know a lot of what he does is only because I am watching- I am pointedly not including his experimentation and bad habits in my list of “achievements” here, okay?
Now vote for me.
Damn and blast.
Ahem. Okay, so I have my own little daydreams- admit it- we all do! You know the ones right?
Where my darling Damien is an “A” student and all round sports-kid and has an almost too long list of bestest best friends and gets invited to all the parties and then graduates summa cum laude from a prestigious varsity and make pots of money and the cover of “Time” magazine and writes a bestseller about his spectacular childhood.
Yes those ones.
I have them… still… though mostly now the daydreams are few and far between as I face the actuality of my 17 year old son’s abilities and issues whilst we make realistic plans. And I must admit that I still hope that by some miracle Damien will go to varsity and graduate and live comfortably and happily...
So what makes me a Bad Mommy I hear you ask? What makes me deserving of the “title” and the bloggy bling badge that’s up for grabs?
I’ll enlighten you shall I.
My darling Damien is invited back to friends houses over and over again, and nine times out of ten I get exemplary feedback when he’s been somewhere. The other time is “normal” hi-jinx that he is quickly forgiven for. He remembers his manners and saves all his worst for me.
Our shrink told me- officially- that I have NOT screwed him up entirely, despite my hard put upon child not being allowed to drink alcohol, drive, smoke cigarettes or have sex until he is legally allowed to.
If I pick him up and have to park over the road from the school or wherever, Damien gets ragged on good naturedly by his friends because he crosses the road at a zebra crossing- even if he has to walk a little out of his way to get to the crossing in order to get to my car.
He will hug me spontaneously, out of his own, for no apparent reason.
The principals and teachers of every school he has ever attended have all been issued with my cellphone number and email addresses so that I can be immediately contacted should they need to do so... and I am instantly recognised by all the staff! It drives Damien bananas when I am so uncool as to join the PTA and attend school meetings and parent teacher nights.
My darling Damien will put a highly sought over PS2 game or DVD back on the shelf if he turns it over and the age restriction is higher than he is allowed. He’ll pull a face- but he’ll put it back.
Damien loves to read. Years of bedtime stories and dragging him off to the library have paid off! Asterix and Obelix, Garfield, Harry Potter, magazines, Goosebumps, Terry Pratchett… and more recently Steven King.
He says he loves me.
My darling Damien is a medicated ADHDer. I was in denial for a long time- to his detriment- but he’s medicated and private schooled and treated and therapy’d now and I spare no expense when it comes to his treatment no matter what flak I get for it from those who hear me speak about his ADHD.
My darling Damien is always seeing things he knows others will like and it makes me all pink- fluffy-heart-like inside when he says things like “Sister B would love that!” “Sister C would love one of those...” “da Bruvva has always wanted that!” “Granny needs one of these.” “Nephew M likes those.”
My darling Damien knows me so well… if his granny darling takes him shopping for my birthday or Christmas or something he knows exactly what he wants to get and he knows exactly what I like.
And no I am not delusional- I know a lot of what he does is only because I am watching- I am pointedly not including his experimentation and bad habits in my list of “achievements” here, okay?
Now vote for me.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
My Darling Boy
You are driving me insane.
You're breaking rules and laws and I don't know what to do to how to handle it.
I want to curl up and go to sleep... or ignore everything that's going on and pretend it never happened.
Letting you carry on and do what you like regardless would be so much easier than trying to fix it or change your behaviour.
I can't do this alone my darling Damien, you need to pull finger too.
You're breaking rules and laws and I don't know what to do to how to handle it.
I want to curl up and go to sleep... or ignore everything that's going on and pretend it never happened.
Letting you carry on and do what you like regardless would be so much easier than trying to fix it or change your behaviour.
I can't do this alone my darling Damien, you need to pull finger too.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
A Mamameea Assignment...
I worried about very little- physically that is- during my pregnancy.I don't remember having nightmares about a stillbirth or a miscarriage or anything like that.
Maybe it was because I was practically still a kid myself, but the nightmares I could have had didn't occur to me. Like worrying about whether my baby would be whole or healthy... I just took it for granted that he would be.
The worries I did have were how I was going to cope as a single teenage mom... how I was going to do right by my son and my family.
And of course how I would handle having no contact with my son's paternal family and how I was going to explain all that to him in time.
My advice to newly expectant moms, or new moms... would be to ask for help if you think you need it.
Don't be afraid to ask your doctor questions, or call someone in the middle of the night if you're worried about something.
Your doctor may have heard the same questions over and over again- but that doesn't make it any less of a concern to you.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Its Waaaay too Quiet Round Here!
I would like to ask a question... I know its not my turn, but I was wondering about something.
How do you talk to your kidlets about losing their pets? Especially given how attached we get to our animals.
I recently had to put my very old cat to sleep as he was getting poorly and wasn't happy. I was more fond of him than Damien was, but he was heartsore. This was the first time I had ever had to have a pet put to sleep, and it hurt! I have lost pet rats in the past, and it was heartsore... and Damien has lost rats, mice and a bird... and it was tough to explain it and his tears were heartwrenching!
I do not believe animals go to heaven, but for the life of me I cannot remember what all I told Damien back then. We did have little funerals, and bury them, and so on... but I don't remember much besides that.
And now my youngest cat has been diagnosed with FeLV. Its not a death sentence, but its serious, and my other cat has to be tested too.
Damien being 17, we can have a fairly in depth discussion about the compilcations arising from Taxi's virus, and how to deal with it... and the possibilities of losing one or both of our precious furbabies.
But his being older doesn't mean it hurts any less if something happens to either of our cats.
What do you tell your offspring?
How do you talk to your kidlets about losing their pets? Especially given how attached we get to our animals.
I recently had to put my very old cat to sleep as he was getting poorly and wasn't happy. I was more fond of him than Damien was, but he was heartsore. This was the first time I had ever had to have a pet put to sleep, and it hurt! I have lost pet rats in the past, and it was heartsore... and Damien has lost rats, mice and a bird... and it was tough to explain it and his tears were heartwrenching!
I do not believe animals go to heaven, but for the life of me I cannot remember what all I told Damien back then. We did have little funerals, and bury them, and so on... but I don't remember much besides that.
And now my youngest cat has been diagnosed with FeLV. Its not a death sentence, but its serious, and my other cat has to be tested too.
Damien being 17, we can have a fairly in depth discussion about the compilcations arising from Taxi's virus, and how to deal with it... and the possibilities of losing one or both of our precious furbabies.
But his being older doesn't mean it hurts any less if something happens to either of our cats.
What do you tell your offspring?
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Damien's Time Capsule
Today Damien, you are 17 years and 5 days old- it was your birthday last Saturday!!
Good grief… you’re 17… wow…
Ahem.
Right.
Back to now.
At this exact moment, you are at J’s house. You’re probably skateboarding, or playing PS2, or listening to music and smoking up a nicotine storm in J’s converted-garage-bedroom.
These days, you consider yourself a metal-head, so you like to wear all black… or anything with skulls on… or t-shirts with funny slogans like “tell your girlfriend I said thanks”. I think it’s pretty cool as I have always been a metal-head myself, although we were called “head bangers” when I was in high school! Your taste in metal is just a lot heavier than mine.
You’re not big on watching a lot of TV, you prefer movies or PS2, but when you do watch you LOVE anime…! The Matrix trilogy you have seen so many times I have truly lost count, and the
Your current hobbies… apart from your girlfriend… consist of Warhammer, skateboarding, PS2 and drawing, but Warhammer rules! You spend hours painting and building your models. And of course there’s MXit. Does that count as a hobby I wonder? With the amount of time you spend on your phone chatting to friends I am sure it must be a hobby!
Something you say a lot is “cool”. In a monotone. This is your answer for everything! If you’re really excited I may hear you say “cool!” with a smile. And you giggle like a lunatic when you’re on MXit.
Your favorite food at this age is whatever is in the fridge… LOL! You love Two-Minute-Noodles, Coke, FrootLoops,
I love you to death my precious boy, but I really wish you would stop talking to me like you own me...
I think you're a great kid because you so often think of others… like when we’re walking around a shopping mall you will point out things that you know other people will like, and you go out of your way to humour your mom when it comes to things like hunting Easter eggs or writing a letter to Santa! And you know me so well, when shopping for a gift for me you know exactly what I will like and won’t like.
I love when you hug me for no apparent reason, and then hold on for a while, and when you kiss me goodbye no matter where we are or who’s watching!
I tried to think of something I’m wearing these days that will probably make you laugh some day… but my wardrobe has always been a little strange so I have reduced you to giggles a few times with feather boas, false eyelashes, hats and shoes.
I'm amazed that you have never broken a bone in your body! As hyper as you can be, and the number of times you’ve fallen off of or out of something and climbing buildings and such, you’ve never broken anything. There’ve been lots of stitches and x-rays, many scars, and two stomach pumps, but never a broken bone!
Something you are struggling with presently that I wish I could help you with… stopping smoking! You keep trying, and I wish I could make it easier for you.
Here are some headlines from today’s Google News…
Struggle hero Chris Hani celebrated
Zimbabweans Flock to Border Amid Crisis
Kenya Should Not Let Down Continent
International:
MEPs to call for EU Olympics ban
BBC iPlayer risks overloading the internet
Today on the Presidential Campaign Trail
Monday, March 31, 2008
Damien In Pictures...
I didn't get around to taking them... so I Googled them instead... These not only represent the letters of Damien's name- but aspects of his personality as well!
This homework was great fun!!!
I couldn't link the URL for each one as a picture- but I saved them that way...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
SURPRISE!! We Have Rules At Home!!
Thassaright bunnies- Damien and I have several house rules- and obviously as he’s gotten older these have changed. . . and I have very clearly added to them as well as situations have arisen. . . At this point in time, our “rule book” is tracking at 421 pages, with over 872 rules, including all the appendixes, corrections, addendums, modifications, additions, adjustments and amendments we’ve made (okay, mainly changes I’ve made) over the years, but I’ll just list the top 10 and spare you the rest shall I?
As for the belated Bad Mommy homework... again... I dibs the easter weekend as an excuse!
Rule number one: his cellphone has to be charged, switched on and near him at all times
Rule number two: his cellphone has to be set on an audible ring tone- not just on vibrate or on silent
Rule number three: he may not go anywhere without letting me know he’s going somewhere
Rule number four: he may not burn anything in the house- it has to be done outside if he absolutely HAS to burn something, otherwise it must wait till I get home
Rule number five: he has to smoke outside the flat. . . unless I’m smoking too then he may smoke inside. . . hhmmm, may need a rethink, what. . .?
Rule number six: no girls allowed in his room
Rule number seven: he may not go into a girl’s bedroom
Rule number eight: no PS2 on weekdays unless it’s a holiday
Rule number nine: no age restricted PS2 games or movies, obviously meaning restricted to older than he is
Rule number ten: he has to have his meds every day
As for the belated Bad Mommy homework... again... I dibs the easter weekend as an excuse!
Rule number one: his cellphone has to be charged, switched on and near him at all times
Rule number two: his cellphone has to be set on an audible ring tone- not just on vibrate or on silent
Rule number three: he may not go anywhere without letting me know he’s going somewhere
Rule number four: he may not burn anything in the house- it has to be done outside if he absolutely HAS to burn something, otherwise it must wait till I get home
Rule number five: he has to smoke outside the flat. . . unless I’m smoking too then he may smoke inside. . . hhmmm, may need a rethink, what. . .?
Rule number six: no girls allowed in his room
Rule number seven: he may not go into a girl’s bedroom
Rule number eight: no PS2 on weekdays unless it’s a holiday
Rule number nine: no age restricted PS2 games or movies, obviously meaning restricted to older than he is
Rule number ten: he has to have his meds every day
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
A Letter To Damien Of The Future…
My dearest, darling, centre-of-my-little-universe, gorgeous Damien
Whilst this letter may go as far into the future as next century some time in this here Ethernet as well as in our interpersonal dealings- in terms of how it relates to you, it may only make it as far as tomorrow.
Now, when you asked me yesterday after work if you could go to Flower’s house after school on Thursday, and then go on Friday again for a braai, I told you I would think about it. I then dashed off to a PTA meeting, where I didn’t have time to think about it as we were discussing other matters pertaining to your education.
Asking me again- as soon as I walked in the door after the meeting- if you could go on Thursday and Friday was not a smart move sweetie. And my displaying mild irritation at being asked again before I’d had a chance to put my bag down was fully justified. Your foot stomping was not.
And then this morning, your little hissy-whiney-bitch-fit and then muttering as you slammed the car door did absolutely ZERO, NADA, ZIP, ZILCH for your cause. Would it not make sense to you, beloved son, to try and butter me up and perhaps attempt to sweet talk your way into visiting Flower on Thursday AND on Friday.
At the rate you were going this morning, I was about to ground you for a month just before I dropped you off.
All that happens when you pull those childish stunts is that I drive too fast whilst I stew about how pissed I am at you, and we both have a shitty day.
And then two text messages whilst I was at work asking if I’d made a decision yet!!?! No dude, this is not how you operate.
I told you I would think about it and that’s what I am doing. I told you I do not have the petrol or the inclination to drive you back and forth from your girlfriend this weekend.
And this was not the first, and probably by far not the last time you handle interactions with me this way.
And you want to know what drives me absolutely bat shit- the complete 180 turnaround in your attitude and mood when you get your way. The way you suddenly come over all smiling and laughing makes me want to hit you!
In future, my sweet child, please please try to think before you speak… maybe try and pretend I am a buddy from school… then perhaps I will get a civil tongue rather than growls?
Love you to the moon.
Really.
Whilst this letter may go as far into the future as next century some time in this here Ethernet as well as in our interpersonal dealings- in terms of how it relates to you, it may only make it as far as tomorrow.
Now, when you asked me yesterday after work if you could go to Flower’s house after school on Thursday, and then go on Friday again for a braai, I told you I would think about it. I then dashed off to a PTA meeting, where I didn’t have time to think about it as we were discussing other matters pertaining to your education.
Asking me again- as soon as I walked in the door after the meeting- if you could go on Thursday and Friday was not a smart move sweetie. And my displaying mild irritation at being asked again before I’d had a chance to put my bag down was fully justified. Your foot stomping was not.
And then this morning, your little hissy-whiney-bitch-fit and then muttering as you slammed the car door did absolutely ZERO, NADA, ZIP, ZILCH for your cause. Would it not make sense to you, beloved son, to try and butter me up and perhaps attempt to sweet talk your way into visiting Flower on Thursday AND on Friday.
At the rate you were going this morning, I was about to ground you for a month just before I dropped you off.
All that happens when you pull those childish stunts is that I drive too fast whilst I stew about how pissed I am at you, and we both have a shitty day.
And then two text messages whilst I was at work asking if I’d made a decision yet!!?! No dude, this is not how you operate.
I told you I would think about it and that’s what I am doing. I told you I do not have the petrol or the inclination to drive you back and forth from your girlfriend this weekend.
And this was not the first, and probably by far not the last time you handle interactions with me this way.
And you want to know what drives me absolutely bat shit- the complete 180 turnaround in your attitude and mood when you get your way. The way you suddenly come over all smiling and laughing makes me want to hit you!
In future, my sweet child, please please try to think before you speak… maybe try and pretend I am a buddy from school… then perhaps I will get a civil tongue rather than growls?
Love you to the moon.
Really.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Angel Answers
I'm only juust getting my homework done here!
Before I was a mommy. . . I had scrapbooks filled with pictures of movie stars and musicians I idolised… I was a rocker and my school bag was covered in graffiti
Before I was a mommy. . . I had a temper that scared even me, blind rages and all
Before I was a mommy. . . I didn’t want to have children at all- I was afraid I might injure them physically in a fit of rage
Before I was a mommy. . . I had not even thought of those “when-I-have-children-I-will-never” and “my-children-will-only” ideals
Before I was a mommy. . . I shared a vision of living in a gawjissly decorated loft-type flat with my best friend whilst we gallivanted all over the place and lived like they do in the movies
Before I was a mommy. . . I was going to tour the world and see all the famous artworks and ruins in Florence, Rome, Greece, South America- Machu Picchu, David, Pompeii, the Sistine Chapel- I don’t think I had heard of backpacking as such- but that was my plan
Before I was a mommy. . . I was super selfish and couldn't have ever concieved of the notion of actually putting my own life and wants aside- in favour of another- let alone someone who bit me; shouted at me; kept me up at night; made me cry; slammed doors in my face; told me he hated me; sneered at me; puked, peed and pooped on me and expected handouts and lifts like he was owed them (obviously these are in no particular order)
Before I was a mommy. . . I could not imagine having several hours’ conversation with other mommies and exclusively discussing the pros and cons of various baby clothing brands and baby products, not to mention illness, nappy rash, puke, poo and teething
Before I was a mommy. . . I didn’t understand that whole “mother bear” analogy- I so get it now
Before I was a mommy. . . I didn’t know or love or respect my parents like I do now- make no mistake- loved them, but differently, now I admire them as well and I dunno what I ever would have done without them
Before I was a mommy. . . I had no idea that I could feel so much love so deeply and so intensely for one person- no matter what happened between us, ever
Before I was a mommy. . . I didn't think I could love someone enough to cry over them at the slightest hint of an excuse to do so
Before I was a mommy. . . I did not know I could be prepared to literally put my life on the line in favour of one person- if the need ever arose
Before I was a mommy. . . I had scrapbooks filled with pictures of movie stars and musicians I idolised… I was a rocker and my school bag was covered in graffiti
Before I was a mommy. . . I had a temper that scared even me, blind rages and all
Before I was a mommy. . . I didn’t want to have children at all- I was afraid I might injure them physically in a fit of rage
Before I was a mommy. . . I had not even thought of those “when-I-have-children-I-will-never” and “my-children-will-only” ideals
Before I was a mommy. . . I shared a vision of living in a gawjissly decorated loft-type flat with my best friend whilst we gallivanted all over the place and lived like they do in the movies
Before I was a mommy. . . I was going to tour the world and see all the famous artworks and ruins in Florence, Rome, Greece, South America- Machu Picchu, David, Pompeii, the Sistine Chapel- I don’t think I had heard of backpacking as such- but that was my plan
Before I was a mommy. . . I was super selfish and couldn't have ever concieved of the notion of actually putting my own life and wants aside- in favour of another- let alone someone who bit me; shouted at me; kept me up at night; made me cry; slammed doors in my face; told me he hated me; sneered at me; puked, peed and pooped on me and expected handouts and lifts like he was owed them (obviously these are in no particular order)
Before I was a mommy. . . I could not imagine having several hours’ conversation with other mommies and exclusively discussing the pros and cons of various baby clothing brands and baby products, not to mention illness, nappy rash, puke, poo and teething
Before I was a mommy. . . I didn’t understand that whole “mother bear” analogy- I so get it now
Before I was a mommy. . . I didn’t know or love or respect my parents like I do now- make no mistake- loved them, but differently, now I admire them as well and I dunno what I ever would have done without them
Before I was a mommy. . . I had no idea that I could feel so much love so deeply and so intensely for one person- no matter what happened between us, ever
Before I was a mommy. . . I didn't think I could love someone enough to cry over them at the slightest hint of an excuse to do so
Before I was a mommy. . . I did not know I could be prepared to literally put my life on the line in favour of one person- if the need ever arose
Sunday, March 2, 2008
I Almost Forgot
That I still had to do my own homework... so I'm just scraping in under the wire here!
1. Do you remember a particular incident or moment from your own childhood that has influenced the way you raise your offspring?
There were one or two occasions when I was in primary school that my mommy darling said “why can’t you be more like…” We argued about it once, and she never did it again that I can remember. I have never done it to Damien.
2. Have you started some kind of savings plan or investment thingy for when your kidlet(s) wants to go to college or varsity?
I started one once… I actually kept it going for a long time- but when I changed jobs I Hd to suddenly start paying all kinds of things myself that my previous employers had paid for me and I used the little bit of money that had accumulated to get myself out of serious debt… I never restarted it…
3. Do you think it’s possible to let go of “mommy guilt”, to forgive yourself and move on, to do better?
Hhmmm… Maybe one day- when Damien is a grown up and doing something he likes and being happy (I hope)- I will be able to let go of the “mommy guilt”… until then I will battle with it, occasionally pretending its not there at all…
4. How long after giving birth did you want to have sex?
I was single as Damien's father and I had split when I was a few months pregnant, so all my craving didn’t get me very far… but if I remember correctly it was about 3 months after Damien was born. I acquired my first F.I.B. when Damien was about 6 months old.
1. Do you remember a particular incident or moment from your own childhood that has influenced the way you raise your offspring?
There were one or two occasions when I was in primary school that my mommy darling said “why can’t you be more like…” We argued about it once, and she never did it again that I can remember. I have never done it to Damien.
2. Have you started some kind of savings plan or investment thingy for when your kidlet(s) wants to go to college or varsity?
I started one once… I actually kept it going for a long time- but when I changed jobs I Hd to suddenly start paying all kinds of things myself that my previous employers had paid for me and I used the little bit of money that had accumulated to get myself out of serious debt… I never restarted it…
3. Do you think it’s possible to let go of “mommy guilt”, to forgive yourself and move on, to do better?
Hhmmm… Maybe one day- when Damien is a grown up and doing something he likes and being happy (I hope)- I will be able to let go of the “mommy guilt”… until then I will battle with it, occasionally pretending its not there at all…
4. How long after giving birth did you want to have sex?
I was single as Damien's father and I had split when I was a few months pregnant, so all my craving didn’t get me very far… but if I remember correctly it was about 3 months after Damien was born. I acquired my first F.I.B. when Damien was about 6 months old.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Peace And Quiet… For A Little While At Least…
My darling Damien… the centre of my li’l universe, the bane of my existence, the apple of my eye, the one who drives me insane… is going on a school camp for three days. He’s coughing like crazy- I think because he’s trying to smoke less for Flower’s sake- but he wants to go, and it’s a school curriculum requirement… and I need him to go.
The last coupla weeks I have not wanted to be a mommy anymore. I haven’t mentioned the Damien drama in a while because it seems that sometimes that’s all I post about- but it never ever goes away. We have good days and bad days, but it never goes away. Frankly, I am exhausted bunnies.
I am so tired of arguing with him.
I am so tired of repeating myself.
I am so tired of his lack of respect and his total lack of deference.
I am so tired of being constantly suspicious.
I have never met anyone so selfish and it breaks my heart… what the hell did I do to make him this way? How can he be so self centered, I’m pretty damn sure that’s not what I taught him.
It’s like nothing matters and no one counts unless he benefits directly.
You want an example of why he exhausts me so?
My bedroom has two doors. My flat used to have a verandah- enclosed before I moved in- and my bedroom had a glass door leading onto this verandah. It’s had a bookshelf in front of it for the longest time and I don’t use it. I lock my door and keep the key with me- partly so Taxi will leave Grampa Scratchy alone for a bit, but mostly to keep Damien out of my bedroom and my things. The other night I went into my room to organise clothes for work the next day and feed the old man and such like and I closed the door behind me. The next thing- Taxi appears from behind the curtains at the glass door! I go and look and see the door is open, and the bookshelf on the other side has been pushed back far enough to allow Damien’s skinny frame access to my bedroom as and when he likes.
So now I’m seriously pissed off.
Not only has Grampa Scratchy had no peace since I don’t know when- but Damien has been sneaky enough to come and go into my room as he pleases without moving the bookshelf enough to be noticeable from the livingroom.
Fucking hell.
I pulled the door shut and locked it, and those keys are now inside my locked bedroom.
Just thinking about how he screws the people who are supposed to be on his side pisses me off all over again.
What the hell am I going to do!!?!
How the hell is he ever going to be a grownup!!?!
The last coupla weeks I have not wanted to be a mommy anymore. I haven’t mentioned the Damien drama in a while because it seems that sometimes that’s all I post about- but it never ever goes away. We have good days and bad days, but it never goes away. Frankly, I am exhausted bunnies.
I am so tired of arguing with him.
I am so tired of repeating myself.
I am so tired of his lack of respect and his total lack of deference.
I am so tired of being constantly suspicious.
I have never met anyone so selfish and it breaks my heart… what the hell did I do to make him this way? How can he be so self centered, I’m pretty damn sure that’s not what I taught him.
It’s like nothing matters and no one counts unless he benefits directly.
You want an example of why he exhausts me so?
My bedroom has two doors. My flat used to have a verandah- enclosed before I moved in- and my bedroom had a glass door leading onto this verandah. It’s had a bookshelf in front of it for the longest time and I don’t use it. I lock my door and keep the key with me- partly so Taxi will leave Grampa Scratchy alone for a bit, but mostly to keep Damien out of my bedroom and my things. The other night I went into my room to organise clothes for work the next day and feed the old man and such like and I closed the door behind me. The next thing- Taxi appears from behind the curtains at the glass door! I go and look and see the door is open, and the bookshelf on the other side has been pushed back far enough to allow Damien’s skinny frame access to my bedroom as and when he likes.
So now I’m seriously pissed off.
Not only has Grampa Scratchy had no peace since I don’t know when- but Damien has been sneaky enough to come and go into my room as he pleases without moving the bookshelf enough to be noticeable from the livingroom.
Fucking hell.
I pulled the door shut and locked it, and those keys are now inside my locked bedroom.
Just thinking about how he screws the people who are supposed to be on his side pisses me off all over again.
What the hell am I going to do!!?!
How the hell is he ever going to be a grownup!!?!
Homework - Angel
1. Do you remember a particular incident or moment from your own childhood that has influenced the way you raise your offspring?
There are many moments, both good and bad that influence me ALOT in raising Ciara. I don't really want to expand on that, so, I'll just leave it as Yes, many.
2. Have you started some kind of savings plan or investment thingy for when your kidlet(s) wants to go to college or varsity?
Well, yes. Actually I have. I have an education policy which matures in 2015 for her tertiary education. Although she will only matriculate in 2018, I will possible re-invest the money at the time. I will pay for her tertiary education, as well as buy her a car when she turns 21. Her wedding gift will be a house. She deserves all the things I never had.
(Please note that this is my dream. Actually doing it is a completely different story)
3. Do you think it’s possible to let go of “mommy guilt”, to forgive yourself and move on, to do better?
For all the stupid things I say and do - Definitely Yes. For being a single, working mom - No way. I have huge guilt about not being able to fetch her after school, and being tired and busy when I get home from work. I deal with this guilt in many different ways, but mostly by dedicating what ever time I have left over to her (to the detriment of my own social life and sanity!)
4. How long after giving birth did you want to have sex?
*Blush* Like Sweets, I also tore. My initial thought was "Sex, you are kidding me? - not until she's four buddy!" I honestly can't remember. It took a loooong time for me to 'get back to normal', so I guess it was a couple of months.
There are many moments, both good and bad that influence me ALOT in raising Ciara. I don't really want to expand on that, so, I'll just leave it as Yes, many.
2. Have you started some kind of savings plan or investment thingy for when your kidlet(s) wants to go to college or varsity?
Well, yes. Actually I have. I have an education policy which matures in 2015 for her tertiary education. Although she will only matriculate in 2018, I will possible re-invest the money at the time. I will pay for her tertiary education, as well as buy her a car when she turns 21. Her wedding gift will be a house. She deserves all the things I never had.
(Please note that this is my dream. Actually doing it is a completely different story)
3. Do you think it’s possible to let go of “mommy guilt”, to forgive yourself and move on, to do better?
For all the stupid things I say and do - Definitely Yes. For being a single, working mom - No way. I have huge guilt about not being able to fetch her after school, and being tired and busy when I get home from work. I deal with this guilt in many different ways, but mostly by dedicating what ever time I have left over to her (to the detriment of my own social life and sanity!)
4. How long after giving birth did you want to have sex?
*Blush* Like Sweets, I also tore. My initial thought was "Sex, you are kidding me? - not until she's four buddy!" I honestly can't remember. It took a loooong time for me to 'get back to normal', so I guess it was a couple of months.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Here Follows Your Angel Assignment
Whew... my turn... this was rather daunting- coming up with a decent set of questions after answering all the others already posted! I hope I don't disappoint... and feel free to answer them in the comment section of you are NOT a bad mommy blogger.
Ready...?
Stead...
GO!!!
1. Do you remember a particular incident or moment from your own childhood that has influenced the way you raise your offspring?
2. Have you started some kind of savings plan or investment thingy for when your kidlet(s) wants to go to college or varsity?
3. Do you think it’s possible to let go of “mommy guilt”, to forgive yourself and move on, to do better?
4. How long after giving birth did you want to have sex?
Ready...?
Stead...
GO!!!
1. Do you remember a particular incident or moment from your own childhood that has influenced the way you raise your offspring?
2. Have you started some kind of savings plan or investment thingy for when your kidlet(s) wants to go to college or varsity?
3. Do you think it’s possible to let go of “mommy guilt”, to forgive yourself and move on, to do better?
4. How long after giving birth did you want to have sex?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Angel Here, Reporting For Duty…
Kerryn has picked some awesome questions for this week’s homework. You know what; each week’s homework assignment is making my turn harder and harder! You mommies are hard acts to follow!
1. What is the one thing you have said or done to your kid that you regret the most?
Oh my friggin word… I think I could write a book on this topic alone…
Let’s just say that the number of times I have silently (and often tearfully) begged “please God don’t let him remember” is innumerable.
Everything from swearing at him in anger to smacking him on the head instead of on his backside.
2. Have you passed any bad habits on to your kid/s?
Sheesh… where do I start! Impatience. Bad temper. Speaking before he’s thought. Smoking.
3. Does your own mom rock or suck?
My mommy darling is the ultimate rocking mom! She sets a high standard when it comes to mommying... like allowing us to discover ourselves as we grew up. Even now, with four grown children, she manages to guide and aid her offspring without making us feel like she’s interfering!
4. How do you feel about TV, music, popular media around your kids? Anything in particular you feel strongly about not letting your kid/s watch/listen to/read?
When it comes to TV, music, books and such... I go with my gut instincts. I read and listen to everything Damien does and I pretty much allow him to make his own choices. If something troubles me- even if I can’t explain exactly why- then I will tell him so. If I feel his allowing a popular “trend” to influence his personality then I will not allow it in my house. As he gets older I allow him more “leeway”, though I tell him if something rubs me the wrong way.
I have always been very strict on age restrictions too- movies, music and games.
1. What is the one thing you have said or done to your kid that you regret the most?
Oh my friggin word… I think I could write a book on this topic alone…
Let’s just say that the number of times I have silently (and often tearfully) begged “please God don’t let him remember” is innumerable.
Everything from swearing at him in anger to smacking him on the head instead of on his backside.
2. Have you passed any bad habits on to your kid/s?
Sheesh… where do I start! Impatience. Bad temper. Speaking before he’s thought. Smoking.
3. Does your own mom rock or suck?
My mommy darling is the ultimate rocking mom! She sets a high standard when it comes to mommying... like allowing us to discover ourselves as we grew up. Even now, with four grown children, she manages to guide and aid her offspring without making us feel like she’s interfering!
4. How do you feel about TV, music, popular media around your kids? Anything in particular you feel strongly about not letting your kid/s watch/listen to/read?
When it comes to TV, music, books and such... I go with my gut instincts. I read and listen to everything Damien does and I pretty much allow him to make his own choices. If something troubles me- even if I can’t explain exactly why- then I will tell him so. If I feel his allowing a popular “trend” to influence his personality then I will not allow it in my house. As he gets older I allow him more “leeway”, though I tell him if something rubs me the wrong way.
I have always been very strict on age restrictions too- movies, music and games.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
The Sweetass Homework Shuffle
1. How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?
Honestly, I expected it to be a little easier. I didn’t bargain on dealing with a special needs child, with Damien being an ADHDer... and I sure as hell never bargained on doing it all on my own. Children never featured in the teenage, daydream, views of my future- and I do not for one instant regret having Damien- but I did expect it to be easier.
I blame sitcoms.
2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?
Teehee... there were several things I swore I would never say “...because I said so...” being one of them, and I so often hear my mother when I talk to Damien- especially when we’re arguing over something.
And no, I have said it several times!
3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-concious by the condition of your home?
Ooer... I would be totally and completely self-conscious about the state of my flat. Every single time.
4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?
Oh heaven help me were that to happen... I would go with Xavier and Zoe.
5. Did you suffer from post natal depression?
I remember having some “baby blues” in the hospital when Damien was about 3 days old- back in the day when a normal birth warranted a week in hospital... and I think I remember a brief crying jag at home a few weeks later- but I never had it bad.
Honestly, I expected it to be a little easier. I didn’t bargain on dealing with a special needs child, with Damien being an ADHDer... and I sure as hell never bargained on doing it all on my own. Children never featured in the teenage, daydream, views of my future- and I do not for one instant regret having Damien- but I did expect it to be easier.
I blame sitcoms.
2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?
Teehee... there were several things I swore I would never say “...because I said so...” being one of them, and I so often hear my mother when I talk to Damien- especially when we’re arguing over something.
And no, I have said it several times!
3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-concious by the condition of your home?
Ooer... I would be totally and completely self-conscious about the state of my flat. Every single time.
4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?
Oh heaven help me were that to happen... I would go with Xavier and Zoe.
5. Did you suffer from post natal depression?
I remember having some “baby blues” in the hospital when Damien was about 3 days old- back in the day when a normal birth warranted a week in hospital... and I think I remember a brief crying jag at home a few weeks later- but I never had it bad.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
A Bad Mommy Being Interrogated By Bridget
1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?
Sheesh, since I was 17 years old I had a LOT of them!
No matric dance... no time-honored post-matric road trip... no varsity after school... no European backpacking... no hubby/ boyfriend to help raise my child as his family weren’t interested... people I thought were my friends turned out not to be...
As for coping, I had my family, I had friends and I had my church. I decided I was not going to be one of those teenage moms who simply vanish off the face of the earth when they leave school because they’re pregnant... at least, that was what happened in the nineties. I dealt with it by carrying on as normally as I possibly could. Given the circumstances.
2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?
To be honest, this took me a while to work through. I was so jealous of my friends ability to go gallivanting as and when they pleased that I’d resent them telling me about their adventures... and then I’d get upset when they didn’t include me! And after a little while they didn’t include me because I got snippy when they spoke to me about what they’d been up to and didn’t want to upset me! Talk about a rock and a hard place.
I had to face the facts and put on my big-girl panties and deal with it though, otherwise I’d have lost them forever. Now most of my friends have children, albeit a lot younger than Damien...
3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?
Um, am I a bad mommy if I admit I have?
Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yes I have. I have apologised to Damien for accusing him of something he didn’t do. I have apologised to him for skimping on his Christian education so much when he was younger. I have apologised to him on occasion for snapping or yelling when there was no call for it.
4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?
Lessee... we split when I was three months pregnant and haven’t spoken since, so what say I make it up, eh... Nuh, I’m not going to bother... I doubt he’s ever said anything since he’s never met Damien.
I’ve had lots of friends and family members tell me they admire my strength and see me as a role model (WTF??!?) to other single and teen moms.
5. What is the worst?
snigger... with mine and Damien’s track record, I reckon the dude would have a field day given the opportunity!
There have been other people- complete strangers sometimes- who have accused me of being a lazy mother who can’t cope because I medicate my son for his ADHD...
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