Introducing ... SheBee

So, I've been tossing and turning about whether I should contribute to this blog or not. But then I thought, "fuck it" it'll be fun, and will remind me of a part of myself I sometimes tend to forget ever existed.

You see, for those of you who don' t know, my one and only child died four years ago. She was 7 months old. I have made peace with this, and am not looking for sympathy, or even worse - pity. I feel that I can still have a say as a mommy, but it just might be a little bit different to the rest of the bad mommies you will read here, is that okay?

In my decision of joining here, I am okay with being the different 'bad mommy' of the lot. In fact, it quite suits my conceited self :P

From now onwards, my posts will most likely be on other kids. Probably yours if you're not careful, so best you tell them to be on good behaviour cause aunty Sheen can be pa-retty scary when the need calls. So, without further ado, here's mine (and Kiera's) introduction:

Here's me posting a picture of Kiera, or otherwise known as Kiki:

In the top left corner, Kiki is in her pram staring at the T.V. Isidingo, to be more precise. For some reason if we ever changed the channel while she was watching that program she would start screaming. So wha-eva, let the kid watch the damn show, right? (Bad Mommy confession #1). On the right you have an obscured photo of me kissing my baby girl. Bottom left gives you Kiera and her mowgli smile. Nasal cannula's included for the ease of breathing. She had a lung disease.

Three things you wouldn't know about me:

1. I have lots of freckles
2. I'm not that great with affection
3. I'm quite a tomboy in the way that I prefer to be in jeans and shirts without make up. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have ever blow dried my hair.

Three things you wouldn't have known about Kiera:

1. She had red hair and blue eyes which came from nowhere since her father was greek and I have dark features myself.
   
2. She was born to be an angel and she looked like one too.
3. Her giggle was the sound of gold and her smile was not unlike Mowgli, in the Jungle Book story.

A quote that best describes how I feel about being a mommy:

"Love your child, love with your child, love without your child"

I really don't think I have a famous mommy role model. They are all far too skinny and beautiful :P

I also refuse to make wishes. Ever. In any circumstance. Just like I chose to believe, at the age of seven, that the easter bunny ran off with the tooth fairy and fell in love and never came back to work.

Aaaaand, that about sums up my intro. Kiera has a story all on her own already written up and created on my personal blog, so if you feel the need for some background history, click here.

I look forward to reading all of your stories, and hope that some of my participation will assist in the cause of this blog.

Happy days!

Introducing Ciara

1. Post a picture of your kid.







2. Tell us all 3 things we wouldn't know about you.

I have absolutely no sense of colour coordination or interior design. I just can't see it when colours don't 'go'.
I'm a 'toy' junkie. I love electronics and kids toys. I can't help myself.
I love maths :-)


3. Tell us some things we wouldn't know about your kid.

Ciara is seven and still sleeps in my bed. She is afraid to put her head under water. I still bath her every night. She loves to read and can read almost fluently. She's the best kid I could ever have wished for.


4. What quote/saying best describes the way you feel about being a mommy?

"Mothers are all slightly insane" ~ J.D. Salinger


5. Who's your Famous Mommy Role Model (haha, like there actually are any good celebrity mommies)

Don't really have one. If I really had to pick, I guess I would say Julia Roberts, Gwyneth Paltrow or Jennifer Garner.



6. If you could have one wish granted for your kid(s), what would it be?

Hmm, my maternal instinct would be that her heart never got broken. But that teaches us something. I guess it would be that she got to live a full, and wonderful life, complete with sorrow and heartbreak but emerge from her teens and twenties a happy and centred human being who was kept safe until she dies peacefully in her sleep from natural causes with all her faculties at 85.

The Pickle is smoking

I found The Pickle with a stump of cigarette, a lighter and a cheeky grin on her face.

I didn't know what to do. (This was amended from "don't know what to do". I actually meant, at that time, I had no clue what to say and do.)

To make matters worse, I finally let her pathetic Pappy come and see her last night. So when we discovered this little scene, he rounded on me so fast I was afraid I was going to get blown away.

“What the fuck are you doing letting her smoke?” He asks of me in high dungeon.

Yes, you moron, I am letting my 5-year-old demon smoke!

So now I have moved the smokes out of reach in the back porch where I smoke and administered the little lecture for The Pickle.

I think that is enough.

Is It Possible to Raise Your Child Without Barney The Purple Paedophile?

I've always hated Barney, and when my step-sister had a kid, and my mother introduced him to Barney to piss her off, I thought it was pretty funny. Until he started demanding Barney all the freaking time.

I've told my mother that if she introduces The Kid to Barney I will never talk to her again (dont know how much of a threat that actually is). I swore all throughout my pregnancy that Barney will not feature in The Kid's life. When I walk past Barney merchandise in the stores I get the heebies. When I read Other Bad Mommies' Blogs I see how Barney has just about broken their last shred of remaining sanity.

Is it possible to keep this vow and avoid Barney? Or he he an inevitable perversion in my life? What effect is he going to have on my child? Is it safe?

I remember, back in high school, one of my friends made up (or heard) a dirty version of Barney, now that's all I hear when I hear the Barney song:

"I love you, you love me,

Barney gave me HIV,

It started with a kiss

And it went to far

All in the back of Barney's car!"

introducing ... kay and jay......!!

aka (names deleted)... the sweet offspring of sweetass...

post a picture of your kid... i have two kidlets... i refer to them as my beasties... couldn't post a just one so here's two photos... i think they are so bloomin beautiful!

Tell us all 3 things we wouldn't know about you:

oh dear... here goes

• i don't own a vibrator... i really should go buy one... sorry is this too un~mommy~like??... sorry if it is... you asked after all
• i have a really really bad temper... i hate that about myself
• i've never done drugs... tried weed with no effect...nada...

Tell us some things we wouldn't know about your kidS:

• they love motorbikes... they now each have one of their own... luckily i have a good medical aid
• both my kids have my temper, i am irish after all... it doesn't help that their daddy also has a horrible temper, even worse than mine, so .... sigh... not good
• onto better things: kay will tell me he loves me about 20 times a day... love that about him
• jay is very lazy and has a way with his mommy... i end up doing everything for him
• they are addicted to playstation, psp and dvd's... it's a sickness i tell ya
• both of my kids love fruit... probably because i force fed them the stuff since birth
• they love to sleep in my bed, i've started to break that habit slowly but surely
• they both hate school
• kay has a very good sense of humour
• jay is a true gentleman, he will do things for me without me asking

What quote/saying best describes the way you feel about being a mommy?

i don't know what i would have done without my kids... it's not a saying or a quote, i just say it lots and lots...

Who's your Famous Mommy Role Model:

if i HAVE to... madonna or julia roberts... no particular reason they just seem to do the mommy~thing quite well and with dedication...

If you could have one wish granted for your kid(s), what would it be?

that they find peace with themselves at an early age and live every second to the fullest... and probably most of all i wish they'll be happy... ok that's more than one wish but i'm a mama one wish is not good enough!! to summarise... i hope they never have any regrets about anything!

Heeeeeeere's Damien!

and Angel of course... as per the tag...

1. Post a picture of your kid.

2. Tell us all 3 things we wouldn't know about you.
I never brush my hair
I only shave if I know I’m going to have sex
I love spiders but a flying ant can send me screaming

3. Tell us some things we wouldn't know about your kid.
Damien has watched the X-Files TV series so many times on DVD he can recite almost every episode!
He has watched the Matrix trilogy more times than I can count. He loves certain moves, and DSTV’s Animax... but I have to practically beg him to sit and watch TV with me so I’ve never been able to use it to “keep him busy” (bad mommy style).
Even at almost 17 years old he still loves to build his LEGO.
He never stops drawing- this is SO not an exaggeration...
He has always been a water baby... he’ll swim at the drop of a hat and he’ll bath or shower several times a day if given the opportunity.
He's never slept much... even as a baby.
He's very particular over what he wears and always has been... even when he looks like he just crawled out of a dumpster!

4. What quote/saying best describes the way you feel about being a mommy?
The best thing about being a mom…
Loving this intensely, deeply, unconditionally, madly.
The scariest thing about being a mom…
Loving this intensely, deeply, unconditionally, madly.

5. Who's your Famous Mommy Role Model (haha, like there actually are any good celebrity mommies)
Angelina Jolie of course! She even looks like me!

6. If you could have one wish granted for your kid(s), what would it be?
That he can have the career he wants and like it no matter how much he earns or where he ends up living!

Meet The Bridge: Your Veritable Crappy Momma!

1. She is as fat as a plum. Almost 5-years-old and a motor mouth. Her name is The Pickle.

2. I never give out my cellphone number to anyone but people who seriously need to have it. Currently, only six people have it, the extra two being very recent additions, its usually just four people.

When I was 17/18 I tried to kill myself sixteen times. I am as surprised as you are at my uselessness in this regard. I obviously never wanted to die that young.

I would like to write a book about Jacob Zuma whom I hate with an unreasoning passion!

3. When she was two months old she was attacked by African bees. She had 36 stings and lived to tell the tale, well not really as she couldn’t speak etc etc.

She calls me BRIDGET when she is annoyed with me.

She dances like a rock star!

4. “How the fuck did I land myself in this situation?”

5. Honestly don’t have one. I raise her, one day at a time, drunk or sober.

6. That they would invent a growth pill that would catapult her into her 30s as it is the best time to be alive if you didn’t spend your 20s drunk and under some man’s thumb.

Introducing: Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills

1. Post a picture of your kid(s).

Here's my boy. Troy Riley Shepherd. 9 weeks old.

2. Tell us all 3 things we wouldn't know about you.

1. I'm vegetarian, but I love Bovril.

2. I went to a sangoma while I was pregnant - to find out if I was having a girl/boy. Ordinary doctors couldn't tell me. The sangoma told me I was having a boy and that I'd have to have a caesarian because there would be complications with the umbilical cord. She was right.

3. I'm scared of Kreepy-Krawlies. I have to remove them from the pool before I swim.

3. Tell us some things we wouldn't know about your kid(s).

Hmmm....he's still pretty new, so he doesn't really have any cute traits and hasn't really said anything funny yet.

He cant suck his bottle and push a putty at the same time. He doesn't have enough pressure to do both.

4. What quote/saying best describes the way you feel about being a mommy?

"Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children." ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

5. Who's your Famous Mommy Role Model (haha, like there actually are any good celebrity mommies)

Britney Spears. Haha. Not. Do feel sorry for her though. I'd also lose the plot if I had my boy taken from me....

6. If you could have one wish granted for your kid(s), what would it be?

That he doesn't have his dad's temper - so I'd wish for him the patience to deal with people and frustrating situations.

Attention: New Bad Mommies

Seeing as we're all new to this blog - and I'm new to all of you, I'd like to tag you, and get you all to do something for me:

1. Post a picture of your kid(s).
2. Tell us all 3 things we wouldn't know about you.
3. Tell us some things we wouldn't know about your kid(s).
4. What quote/saying best describes the way you feel about being a mommy?
5. Who's your Famous Mommy Role Model (haha, like there actually are any good celebrity mommies)
6. If you could have one wish granted for your kid(s), what would it be?

And I'll do the same too....

Screw The Water Crisis, My Kid Loves To Bath

When we first got The Kid, we had one of those small baby baths on a stand, that you fill up with a jug, dunk him into and hold onto the slippery little fish so he doesn't wiggle out of your grip. He hated this. In fact it made him scream his face off, so bath time was something that lasted a whole 40 seconds and happened once a week. (Bad mommy, I know)

Then I discovered that you can wash babies in adult sized baths too. And that The Kid adores bathing if his mother is in the bath with him. Then he will play until the water goes cold. He will lie on my belly and kick his legs and spray water everywhere. Still not to keen on getting his face wet, but he's going to have to get used to it.

The only thing with washing him in our bath is that I have to fill it practically to the top in order for him to get wet. But he loves it. He loves flopping around on my chest, blowing bubbles in the bathwater, and being skin-on-skin with mommy is great.

The only time he shrieks again is when I take him out. Oh well.

At least he's clean....

Bad Mommy = Bad Baby

A little lesson I learnt this weekend. Arranging the Grandparents to babysit on Saturday night while Bad Mommy and Daddy go out is all well and good. It's the day after that you really need the babysitter.

Went out on Saturday night, got horribly snot-flying drunk and got to bed at about 5am. The Kid was back home by 9am. I thought this would be okay, because he can usually have a nap for two hours or so before lunch time.

No such luck. It was like he was punishing me for leaving him and going out. He was awake the WHOLE day. Wanting to be entertained. I tried everything to get him to sleep. I was desperate. I dosed him with Rescue Remedy AND Calpol. No such luck. I fed him and gave him a warm bath followed by a massage. Still no closing of the eyes.

Eventually at about 9pm he decided he'd punished the Bad Mommy enough, and fell asleep. He then even let me sleep until 2am, when he woke up for a feed. Gratitude for small favours and all that.

Lesson was well learnt. Being a bad mommy the night before means your baby is guaranteed to be a bad baby the next day. Just to punish you.