Meet The Bridge: Your Veritable Crappy Momma!

1. She is as fat as a plum. Almost 5-years-old and a motor mouth. Her name is The Pickle.

2. I never give out my cellphone number to anyone but people who seriously need to have it. Currently, only six people have it, the extra two being very recent additions, its usually just four people.

When I was 17/18 I tried to kill myself sixteen times. I am as surprised as you are at my uselessness in this regard. I obviously never wanted to die that young.

I would like to write a book about Jacob Zuma whom I hate with an unreasoning passion!

3. When she was two months old she was attacked by African bees. She had 36 stings and lived to tell the tale, well not really as she couldn’t speak etc etc.

She calls me BRIDGET when she is annoyed with me.

She dances like a rock star!

4. “How the fuck did I land myself in this situation?”

5. Honestly don’t have one. I raise her, one day at a time, drunk or sober.

6. That they would invent a growth pill that would catapult her into her 30s as it is the best time to be alive if you didn’t spend your 20s drunk and under some man’s thumb.