Answering the Interrogator: Bad Mommy Homework Week #3

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

my biggest disappointment was the fact that I was going to quit smoking, drinking and partying. Especially smoking dope – that was going to have to stop completely. The last drink and joint I had been on the 20th of March 2007 (I didn’t know that I was already three weeks pregnant – I discovered the next day)

Went to the doctor, because I had been throwing up for a few days, and I thought I had gastro (it was going around at the time) and boyfriend insisted on getting I t checked out and getting some medication.
Doctor: is there any chance you could be pregnant?
Me: No, dude, I had my period three weeks ago!
Doctor: would you mind doing a pregnancy test anyway?
Me: sure, but it’s a waste of time, and a waste of a good pee-stick.
[I peed on the stick, went back into his office to wait with boyfriend]
Doctor: Congratulations! You’re expecting a child.

I started crying and boyfriend went deathly-white.
Doctor: obviously you’re not thrilled. Have you considered your options?
Me: my father is going to have a fit.
Doctor: if you want to book a termination, book with Dr Coetzee, I don’t do those. I don’t believe in them. Obviously I will encourage you to keep it. And cut out all your drinking and smoking.

I also realized that if I decided to keep the baby and make things work with the father, I’d never be able to move back to my home town. All my friends and my father are there. That was hard. Coping with it: I go back and visit whenever I can. I speak to my friends on Facebook, talk to my father on the phone every day. He comes to visit when he can too.

As for the smoking and drinking – I cut the joints out completely. Same for the vodka. I would have the occasional cider when we went out. The smoking cigarettes was a bit harder. I quit while I had morning sickness (about 4-5 months) and then started again. I couldn’t help myself. Bad, bad mommy.

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

most of my friends are in another city, so it hasn’t been too hard. But Boyfriend’s friends haven’t been so understanding. They bitch we’re hiding The Kid from them, and they get all miff when they invite us out and we cant come because we’re exhausted from being parents. I just tell them to grow up. They’ll see us when they see us.

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?
Well he can’t really talk yet, and doesn’t understand a word I say – so I haven’t. But perhaps I will, perhaps I won’t. I find it very difficult to admit I’m wrong.

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

He says I am a wonderful mother, and that he’s always impressed how I can get The Kid to stop crying in two seconds flat. He’s amazed at my patience.

5. What is the worst?
He brings up the fact that The Kid rolled off the couch and bumped his head, when we are having an argument. He also says I dress The Kid like a dork.