Before I was saddled to something that would grow into a wine-chugging maniac

I was young

I was fulfilled

I was happy

All this was delusional

I had dreams to become an international author, living in The Sudan.

I went to war torn zones to check out human rot without worrying about my safety

I didn’t have to like The Dingbat because Id didn’t need a cheap baby sitter.

My father was convinced I was a virgin.

The Dingbat didn’t think it’s OK to talk to me about sex, especially hers.

I didn’t know you could love someone you don’t like much cause they’ve pretty much ruined my fun.

I knew if it was a girl she would have my Angelina Jolie lips and she does!

I knew for a fact that having a child was something married women and deranged people do. I didn’t count on falling in either category.

I smoked 10 a day; I now smoke 25+ just to get rid of the fat.

I thought Woolies was an expensive food shop. Never knew they had such cute kids’ clothes!

I would have never believed it when someone said unconditional love exists.

I would have heartily endorsed legalization of marijuana, but now I’m seeing her tendencies and hoping to move her to Mecca at earliest chance.

I didn’t know I wasn’t capable of murder since I chose to keep her despite my ex and I beating the crap outa each other at our engagement party.

Thought life ended once you had a baby.