Way late, but wha-eva

Hiya BM readers!

It's been a LOOONG while since I pulled my finger out me bum and posted here. I'm going to do a two in one if you don't mind? You don't? How fabulous of you.

Before I was a Momma:

• I had legs half the size that they are now
• There was no facial hair needing to be waxed/veeted/plucked as there is now
• I was a rebelleous little bitch of a teenager who thought her own brain was worthy of Eistein companionship
• Never did I realise how selfless and sacrificing my own Mommy was
• I hadn't learned how to think of anyone before I thought of 'Me'
• The art of multi-tasking had not come into play until the minute Kiera arrived
• I had no idea what the meaning of LOVE was

...And a letter to my child:

Dear Kiki,

You would have been 5 years old this year. Good god, I would have been pulling my hair out by the looks of your best friend (and Mommy's godchild) Nikki. I put my hand on a stack of bibles and swear that you would have been the most spoilt and gifted little brat on the planet. But you would always remember your P's and Q's.

In fact, wherever you are, up in the clouds somewhere, I hope you don't give the Angels too much crap. On second thought - give 'em hell, baby girl! With your red hair and blue eyes, I bet you do already.

I went through all of your teddy-bears the other day. There was a little girl who really needed some, as her Mommy didn't love her as much as yours did. I gave away 'Fear-less' your favourite little fluffy toy. I did this because I know how much you were comforted by him while in hospital, and she's in an orphanage, which is probably on the same shitty-ness kind of level.

Wok blew a candle out for you on his birthday last week. His friends thought he was mad, but he stood there proudly and told all of them that even though he was only ten, he was an uncle not so long ago, and that candle was for someone special. They all shut up. Stupid little idiots.

Don't ever say 'idiot' or 'shit' up there in the big sky, okay? The boss man probably wouldn't like it much. Instead, teach him how to say 'Sup, bitches' cos I bet you a lot more people would actually understand him if his vocab was modernised.

Alright. Mommy has work to do, and some mascara to re-apply. Remember to wear your seat-belt when you go on the sleigh over the clouds with Father Easter Fairy and Aunty Cupid Clause, okay?

Love you forever baby girl.

PS: I'm not sure which milestone this letter was meant to be for, but lets call it 'The Year Mommy Learned To Smile about you'.