the things I worried about were:
- haemmorhoids - I'd heard about then, all other mothers had warned me about 'the grapes of wrath' and I was told they were inevitable. Thank god, they actually weren't inevitable. At least not for me. I never got to experience the wonders of bits of my colon protruding from me bumhole.
- constipation - apparently another one of the beautiful side effects of hatching something inside you. Also something I never experienced.
- the birth - I wanted to have a natural birth, with no drugs. I was worried about tearing. I was worried about ripping. I was worried about having to be cut. I was worried about what some people have described as 'pushing a watermelon through your nose'. Turns out, I needn't have worried. I had to have an emergency c-section anyway.
- writing exams - yes, I was still pursuing my masters degree and my exams were set to take place 2 weeks before I was due to pop. Madness, huh? I attended all my lectures, did all my assignments and got two A's, 2B's and came top of my class in Media Law. How, you might ask? I dont bloody know.
- smoking - yes, I know smoking is bad for your baby. Yes, I know smoking is bad for my own health, and I did quit for a good few months. But when exams rolled around, I was chain-smoking like a maniac. And you know what? My kid came out absolutely fine.
- how I would cope - people never really tell you how hard this shit is. How frustrating and mind-numbingly boring it can be. How painful it can be. People are quick to offer advice, but they dont really tell the truth. 'It will get easier/better' they told me. Yes. Okay. Fair enough. But WHEN??
- that I was going to be 'someone's mother' - No longer just me, but 'The Kid's Mommy'. A bit of an identity crisis, you might say. Someone's mother. For the rest of my life. Hoever long that might be.
- that I wasn't going to bond with my baby - you hear those stories about those women who reject their baies or feel nothing for them once they're born. I was terrifid I was going to be one of them. Scary shit. But it didn't happen. Until a bit later, when post-natal depression hit, and sometimes, just sometimes it felt like I could really just hurt him or do something drastic, if he doesn't stop fucking crying. We all have our days, I guess.
Yes, mothers-to-be. It's fucking hard work. It's sleepless nights, crying babies, crying mommies, shitty nappies, fighting with your partner, visiting the doctor, worrying, guilt, stress, shitty nappies, vomiting, fighting with your partner, breaking things, throwing tantrums and feeling like you're the worst mother on the planet.
But it passes.
Or so I'm told.
7 comments:
This is a really good post! Brava!
The shitty nappies pass, but thats about it. The Kid will always be tiring and needy.
You know how if you work next door to a panelbeater, the grinding, crashing and beating sounds eventually fade into the background?
Kids are similar - you just get more used to the constant drain on your physical being and soul.
Some days it really sucks - but most days it totally rocks.
thanks kerryn...
still waiting for the rocking days, though.
Wow.
Amazing post.
very cool post... but i'm still waiting for the "it passes" bit!!!?
hehe... it passes... but then the next set of horros strikes you... i think it will never end... ok now i'm depressed ;)
thanks, I needed that. Just when I thought I was "the only mom" who feels like her sanity is on constant bombardment. my kids are fairly independent, yay. no more diapers, baths, bed wetting (in some ways, the worst). so now its more of a slow mental drain (interspersed with love, pride, joy, yada yada).
Its simply great reading thoughts from fellow moms in the trenches.
Yes, it does pass. And then it all comes back when they're a bit older, and they scream they hate you every day and you're wondering if there's post-post-post pardum drugs you can take! Funny post!!
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