I Just Can't

I am incapable of doing the following, since having The Kid...

1.... eating glazed donuts. Have you seen a snotty kids' face? The resemblance of said snotty child's face to a glazed donut is disgustingly alike.

2. ...pretending not to notice how, when other mommies walking their babies in prams past me, stare into my pram and have a look at my kid. I know, he's gorgeous. Dont be jealous. It's not your fault you got a butt ugly baby and mine is so perfect. I however, resist looking in their pram, just in case their kid truly is hideous, I wont be able to keep the look of shock off my face. But I do however glare at them.

3....leaving the house wearing a pristine, well-put together outfit. My clothes invariably are covered in milk stains, biscuit crumbs, fruit splotches and my accessories are usually in The Kids' mouth to keep him quiet and entertained.

4....staying awake past 9pm. I know my kid sleeps from 6pm to 6 am, but late nights are no longer an option for me. I used to be a serious night owl - studying often until 4 am, often pulling all-nighters in the library working on assignments. No longer. I am far too tired at the end of the day to make it past 9pm. Some nights I dont even see 8pm.

5....getting horribly, snot-flyingly drunk. No matter how much I drink, or how fast, I cannot get drunk. It's rather annoying. Even more annoying is the fact that the whole time I'm thinking how The Kid is going to wake me up at 6am, and looking after him with a hangover wont be fun.

6...skipping a meal. This was common practice pre-Kid. If I was going out that night, which was nearly ever night, I wouldn't eat. Now I eat as if the world depends on it.

7....fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes...I blame The Kid, the washing machine. Everything except the fact that I eat like the world depends on it!