Angel Answers

I'm only juust getting my homework done here!

Before I was a mommy. . . I had scrapbooks filled with pictures of movie stars and musicians I idolised… I was a rocker and my school bag was covered in graffiti

Before I was a mommy. . . I had a temper that scared even me, blind rages and all

Before I was a mommy. . . I didn’t want to have children at all- I was afraid I might injure them physically in a fit of rage

Before I was a mommy. . . I had not even thought of those “when-I-have-children-I-will-never” and “my-children-will-only” ideals

Before I was a mommy. . . I shared a vision of living in a gawjissly decorated loft-type flat with my best friend whilst we gallivanted all over the place and lived like they do in the movies

Before I was a mommy. . . I was going to tour the world and see all the famous artworks and ruins in Florence, Rome, Greece, South America- Machu Picchu, David, Pompeii, the Sistine Chapel- I don’t think I had heard of backpacking as such- but that was my plan

Before I was a mommy. . . I was super selfish and couldn't have ever concieved of the notion of actually putting my own life and wants aside- in favour of another- let alone someone who bit me; shouted at me; kept me up at night; made me cry; slammed doors in my face; told me he hated me; sneered at me; puked, peed and pooped on me and expected handouts and lifts like he was owed them (obviously these are in no particular order)

Before I was a mommy. . . I could not imagine having several hours’ conversation with other mommies and exclusively discussing the pros and cons of various baby clothing brands and baby products, not to mention illness, nappy rash, puke, poo and teething

Before I was a mommy. . . I didn’t understand that whole “mother bear” analogy- I so get it now

Before I was a mommy. . . I didn’t know or love or respect my parents like I do now- make no mistake- loved them, but differently, now I admire them as well and I dunno what I ever would have done without them

Before I was a mommy. . . I had no idea that I could feel so much love so deeply and so intensely for one person- no matter what happened between us, ever

Before I was a mommy. . . I didn't think I could love someone enough to cry over them at the slightest hint of an excuse to do so

Before I was a mommy. . . I did not know I could be prepared to literally put my life on the line in favour of one person- if the need ever arose

Possible Future Career Path...Mad Scientist

Look at that hair standing all at points end!

Although this smile might make you think that a career as a Hair Model would be better suited...

Letter of Intent...

It was not something I wanted to do but they pushed me and pushed me until finally I had no choice..

There was a meeting in the kitchen..
Three present and counting. One exhausted, frustrated, unappreciated mom and two skulking scared boys...

I gave them both copies for which they signed for so that there is no "But I didn't know!" plea's later on.

The document in question is an official Letter of Grievance.

Dear Spawn of mine,

1. I will no longer sign homework books - Tired of living a lie
2. I will no longer make lunches for school - It ends up in the bin anyway.
3. Your bedroom will no longer be cleaned by the maid - I can't afford the danger pay she demands.
4. If your dirty plates are not packed in the dishwasher then all meals will be served on the dirty dishes.
5. Clothing left on the floor will not be washed - alternatively teach your clothes to get up and walk itself to wash basket.
6. Bad attitude will be dealt with by the only means available - whips, chains, sticks, slops, cups, whatever.
7. Shouting and screaming at each other falls under Bad Attitude - see above
8. Money for airtime, shop,etc will have to be earned the old fashioned way - suck up to you Granny Outlaw, or sell unwanted crap to unsuspecting friends/relatives.
9. Trips to school, youth, shops, friends, etc will be charged for accordingly - I am not the free taxi service previously abused.

The above are to be strictly adhered to and any deviation from them will result in my complete resignation as you Mother and will have further repercussion such as emergency evacuation from the family home (for your own safety of course).

I think I am being very clear and look forward to a happier environment for everyone concerned.

Signed,
Mother

Well, After many jaw dropping minutes. I finally told them that this is the reality that they have built and since I have not quite reached that point I am just showing them what is on the cards if their behaviour does not buck up smart smart!

How You Can Tell If You're A Bad Mommy

your kid sleeps with one eye open....

Sigh Of Relief

There I was thinking that my period was a week late. There I was thinking I'd have two anklebiters under the age of two years old. There I was thinking that The Boyfriend would freak out and leave me to be a single parent. There I was thinking I'd have to go through the whole morning sickness party again.

But I can breathe a sigh of relief. I'm not a parent-in-waiting-for-the-second time. Nope. Instead I only have one anklebiter. And a definite need to take my birth control regularly.

I just never learn my lesson, do I?

Before I was saddled to something that would grow into a wine-chugging maniac

I was young

I was fulfilled

I was happy

All this was delusional

I had dreams to become an international author, living in The Sudan.

I went to war torn zones to check out human rot without worrying about my safety

I didn’t have to like The Dingbat because Id didn’t need a cheap baby sitter.

My father was convinced I was a virgin.

The Dingbat didn’t think it’s OK to talk to me about sex, especially hers.

I didn’t know you could love someone you don’t like much cause they’ve pretty much ruined my fun.

I knew if it was a girl she would have my Angelina Jolie lips and she does!

I knew for a fact that having a child was something married women and deranged people do. I didn’t count on falling in either category.

I smoked 10 a day; I now smoke 25+ just to get rid of the fat.

I thought Woolies was an expensive food shop. Never knew they had such cute kids’ clothes!

I would have never believed it when someone said unconditional love exists.

I would have heartily endorsed legalization of marijuana, but now I’m seeing her tendencies and hoping to move her to Mecca at earliest chance.

I didn’t know I wasn’t capable of murder since I chose to keep her despite my ex and I beating the crap outa each other at our engagement party.

Thought life ended once you had a baby.

Before I was saddled to something that would grow into a wine-chugging maniac

I was young

I was fulfilled

I was happy

All this was delusional

I had dreams to become an international author, living in The Sudan.

I went to war torn zones to check out human rot without worrying about my safety

I didn’t have to like The Dingbat because Id didn’t need a cheap baby sitter.

My father was convinced I was a virgin.

The Dingbat didn’t think it’s OK to talk to me about sex, especially hers.

I didn’t know you could love someone you don’t like much cause they’ve pretty much ruined my fun.

I knew if it was a girl she would have my Angelina Jolie lips and she does!

I knew for a fact that having a child was something married women and deranged people do. I didn’t count on falling in either category.

I smoked 10 a day; I now smoke 25+ just to get rid of the fat.

I thought Woolies was an expensive food shop. Never knew they had such cute kids’ clothes!

I would have never believed it when someone said unconditional love exists.

I would have heartily endorsed legalization of marijuana, but now I’m seeing her tendencies and hoping to move her to Mecca at earliest chance.

I didn’t know I wasn’t capable of murder since I chose to keep her despite my ex and I beating the crap outa each other at our engagement party.

Thought life ended once you had a baby.

Badness Pays Off

The mommies of this blog are thrilled to be a finalist in the SA Blog Awards 2008. In the Best Group Blog category.

Thanks to those who nominated us!! And to those who didn't, boo to you. You have the chance to make up for it, by voting for us now!

Go here, and vote your asses off! You know our badness deserves it!

Bad Mommies who are also finalists in other categories:

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills - Best Personal Blog

MamaMeeA - Best Undiscovered Blog

Give us your vote too.....

SA Blog awards - My Vote Is IN!!

How about you? And you? And ... hey ... you ... hiding behind the curtain? Where's YOUR'S???

The Kid Got His Shots Yesterday

And has been unbearably miserable ever since. Took him to the Baby Clinic to get his vaccination boosters, and to get a check up and get weighed.

He's a whopping 7.4 kg and only 16 weeks old. He didn't cry much when he got the injection, but when we got home, all hell broke loose. He woke up hot, he woke up because he was too cold, he woke up because his dummy fell out his mouth, because he was miserable and because he was sore.

Eventually at about 3:30 am I gave up and passed the buck to The Boyfriend. Then I sat outside and had a cigarette and a bit of a quiet sob. Sneaked back into the bedroom, and The Kid was lying in the middle of the bed, with The Boyfriend rubbing his back. His eyelid were slowly drooping and he eventually nodded off. Every time I woke up to check on him, I saw he had schooched closer to The Boyfriend, and was practically sleeping in his armpit. It was very, very cute.

I'm a little jealous that The Boyfriend coped so well with The Kid. I dont know what's wrong with me. Patience seems to be in short supply this week.