Happy [Bad] Mothers' Day!

On account of how it's a day for us, I hope you all got spoiled. Hope your rotten, ungrateful snot-nosed children remembered and made you feel special.

I thought it would be time we all did some homework again. But something different. Something a little more exciting. Something with a promise of reward, at the end of the day. So, I propose a

'Baddest Mommy of Them All' competition.

How it works:

1. Write a post describing why you think you are the baddest of them all.

2. We will then hold a poll. Once everyone has submitted their entry-posts. The deadline is Friday the 16th of May.

3. Readers can vote, based on each contributors' post, at the end of the week as to whom they think is the baddest of them all. So email all your friends and solicit votes on your own blog.

4. The results will be revealed.

5. The winner will get a custom-made 'Baddest Mommy on The Blog' badge for their personal blog, and will have a permanent custom-made pretty button-badge linked to their blog, displayed on The Bad Mommy Blog.

Rules:

1. You cannot vote for yourself, but you must nominate yourself.

2. You dont have to be a Bad Mommy Blog contributor to participate, so you can post an entry on your blog, and then email me at cheapthrills [at] webmail [dot] co [dot] za. Your entry will be posted as a guest blogpost on this blog, and you will be added to the poll so readers can vote for you. If a non-Bad-Mommy-Blog-contributor wins, she will be invited to be a permanent contributor to the blog.

3. There are no limits to badness! Anything goes...

So, go forth, and be BAD!

Ten Reasons Why I Want to Raise My Child In South Africa

With all the hoohah and constant questioning of my choices (Why don't you go to the UK? You know, it's safer there...) and the occasional self-questioning (am I a bad parent for staying here when I could go to allegedly safer countries to raise my child?), I thought it time i list a few reasons why, currently - maybe not forever, but right now, I choose to raise my child in South Africa.

1. She was born with a fair skin. Playing daily in the sunshine has given her a beautiful complexion that's full of life. Quite literally, sun-kissed.

2. Every day she comes home dirty from school, and is not afraid of sand or grass. I have had kids from 'other places' come to visit and yell at the idea of getting their hands dirty with mud.

3. She goes to school with kids of every colour of the rainbow. They all get the same snotty noses, the same scrapes on the knees, and they hold hands with each other. They have absolutely no interest in whether or not their grandparents or parents once upon a time were not allowed to do this.

4. She understands three languages. She's not even three yet. Yes, she can't speak them all, but she can understand all three.

5. There is noise and joy and emotional honesty in the way we live. When we as a nation are happy, we celebrate. When we are sad, we are sad together. Does anything else really matter? At least we are together in the queue for petrol and/or torches.

6. At the age of less than three, she does not lead a sheltered life. She already comprehends the fact that there are people who have money and people who do not have money in the world. And that, where we can do a little bit to help, we do. For this reason, she has no issue in sorting out her old toys and clothes with me, to be passed on people who need them more. And I quote "Mommy, make a box for Gladys' baby, she needs my old shoes. I am too big for them". (yeah, i know, I die daily with that sentence construction)

7. She's not afraid to dream. Our country was founded on dreams. And we ran on a dream for a long time. Now we're trying to keep it alive in reality. We'll get there, I'm sure.

8. She's not afraid of the dark, thanks to loadshedding. ;-)

9. When she runs through the park, she's not afraid of falling over, but just of losing her turn on the swing.

10. Being a single parent in a crazy world is not easy. But it's the choice I made. And in a world where women are fast becoming primary breadwinners, and the nuclear family is quickly becoming a myth, I am learning that it truly does take a village to raise a child. Nobody understands the notion of community better than a South African. And my village blesses me daily.

My Darling Boy

You are driving me insane.

You're breaking rules and laws and I don't know what to do to how to handle it.

I want to curl up and go to sleep... or ignore everything that's going on and pretend it never happened.

Letting you carry on and do what you like regardless would be so much easier than trying to fix it or change your behaviour.

I can't do this alone my darling Damien, you need to pull finger too.

you guys will just love this!!!

all your worst fears confirmed...

When I Was Knocked Up...

the things I worried about were:

• 
  
  haemmorhoids - I'd heard about then, all other mothers had warned me about 'the grapes of wrath' and I was told they were inevitable. Thank god, they actually weren't inevitable. At least not for me. I never got to experience the wonders of bits of my colon protruding from me bumhole.


• 
  
  constipation - apparently another one of the beautiful side effects of hatching something inside you. Also something I never experienced.


• 
  
  the birth - I wanted to have a natural birth, with no drugs. I was worried about tearing. I was worried about ripping. I was worried about having to be cut. I was worried about what some people have described as 'pushing a watermelon through your nose'. Turns out, I needn't have worried. I had to have an emergency c-section anyway.


• 
  
  writing exams - yes, I was still pursuing my masters degree and my exams were set to take place 2 weeks before I was due to pop. Madness, huh? I attended all my lectures, did all my assignments and got two A's, 2B's and came top of my class in Media Law. How, you might ask? I dont bloody know.


• 
  
  smoking - yes, I know smoking is bad for your baby. Yes, I know smoking is bad for my own health, and I did quit for a good few months. But when exams rolled around, I was chain-smoking like a maniac. And you know what? My kid came out absolutely fine.


• 
  
  how I would cope - people never really tell you how hard this shit is. How frustrating and mind-numbingly boring it can be. How painful it can be. People are quick to offer advice, but they dont really tell the truth. 'It will get easier/better' they told me. Yes. Okay. Fair enough. But WHEN??


• 
  
  that I was going to be 'someone's mother' - No longer just me, but 'The Kid's Mommy'. A bit of an identity crisis, you might say. Someone's mother. For the rest of my life. Hoever long that might be.


• 
  
  that I wasn't going to bond with my baby - you hear those stories about those women who reject their baies or feel nothing for them once they're born. I was terrifid I was going to be one of them. Scary shit. But it didn't happen. Until a bit later, when post-natal depression hit, and sometimes, just sometimes it felt like I could really just hurt him or do something drastic, if he doesn't stop fucking crying. We all have our days, I guess.

Yes, mothers-to-be. It's fucking hard work. It's sleepless nights, crying babies, crying mommies, shitty nappies, fighting with your partner, visiting the doctor, worrying, guilt, stress, shitty nappies, vomiting, fighting with your partner, breaking things, throwing tantrums and feeling like you're the worst mother on the planet.

But it passes.

Or so I'm told.

A Mamameea Assignment...

I worried about very little- physically that is- during my pregnancy.
I don't remember having nightmares about a stillbirth or a miscarriage or anything like that.
Maybe it was because I was practically still a kid myself, but the nightmares I could have had didn't occur to me. Like worrying about whether my baby would be whole or healthy... I just took it for granted that he would be.
The worries I did have were how I was going to cope as a single teenage mom... how I was going to do right by my son and my family.
And of course how I would handle having no contact with my son's paternal family and how I was going to explain all that to him in time.

My advice to newly expectant moms, or new moms... would be to ask for help if you think you need it.
Don't be afraid to ask your doctor questions, or call someone in the middle of the night if you're worried about something.
Your doctor may have heard the same questions over and over again- but that doesn't make it any less of a concern to you.

Right. An update.

'Sup!

So, Exmi has asked me to babysit this here blog. I don't actually think she knows what she's doing giving me permissions and all, but hey - I will try not abuse it. Even though I'm locked out of my own blog. She's a lawyer lady, so has a major thesis on the go, and is busy busy busy. Lets give her a round of applause for hard work, ladies!

I propose a new homework task. Each mother does a post that is different to the last post posted. Got it? maybe a little less repetitiveness will liven this blog up a little bit.

Also, are there any readers out there that aren't contributers? Make yourself known, don't be shy. Questions, discussions, whatever - you are most welcome to get involved.

An intro of sorts...

Slackeriffic I know....

But here is my little intro, welcome to my world, and dont forget to wipe your feet...I hate cleaning carpets.

Okay…My Three things….
I really love bad eighties music.
I am shy and nerdy, and I say horrible things when I do manage to open my mouth in public… a closed mouth gathers no foot I guess.
I am a total magpie, hoarding anything colourful and shiny.

Jamie…
Hmmmmm.
She loves snakes, she sings along to songs she may only have heard once, replacing words she doesn’t know with whatever feels right e.g.: her take on the final countdown – by Europe “It’s the final [popcorn],
We’re heading for [Jesus] and [will] we stand [up]Cause maybe they’ve seen us and [jump on] us allWith so many [fighters] to go and things to be [drowned]”
She draws constantly, sometimes getting up in the middle of the night because “mommy, I just have to colour in”
She is obsessed with Marilyn Monroe, and spends most of her time at home wearing my bras and heels, telling everyone they’re “just elegant” or saying “I told you, I’m not very bright” in a dreamy breathless voice…

My quote isn’t really mom related, but its how I feel…
In national velvet Elizabeth Taylor [Velvet Brown] says “I want it all quickly 'cause I don't want God to stop and think and wonder if I'm getting more than my share.”
That’s kind of how I feel, I just want to grab every second of this fabulous little person, because I never know what tomorrow holds…

Audrey Hepburn would be my mommy role model, she kept her kids out of the spotlight and raised normal human beings, I can respect that.

My one wish?
I just want my little girl to have enough of a childhood and grow up with a measure of integrity.

Homework!

Hello again, Bad Mommies.

Being a less than model Bad Mommy, I'm going to take it easy on you with this week's homework, which is:

Tell us what you worried about most while you were pregnant or just after the birth of your baby. Then tell us what the best advice was that you recieved with regard to that particular issue, and who gave it.

Now, as a veteran, what parenting advice would you give to other new or expectant parents?

Its Waaaay too Quiet Round Here!

I would like to ask a question... I know its not my turn, but I was wondering about something.

How do you talk to your kidlets about losing their pets? Especially given how attached we get to our animals.

I recently had to put my very old cat to sleep as he was getting poorly and wasn't happy. I was more fond of him than Damien was, but he was heartsore. This was the first time I had ever had to have a pet put to sleep, and it hurt! I have lost pet rats in the past, and it was heartsore... and Damien has lost rats, mice and a bird... and it was tough to explain it and his tears were heartwrenching!

I do not believe animals go to heaven, but for the life of me I cannot remember what all I told Damien back then. We did have little funerals, and bury them, and so on... but I don't remember much besides that.

And now my youngest cat has been diagnosed with FeLV. Its not a death sentence, but its serious, and my other cat has to be tested too.

Damien being 17, we can have a fairly in depth discussion about the compilcations arising from Taxi's virus, and how to deal with it... and the possibilities of losing one or both of our precious furbabies.

But his being older doesn't mean it hurts any less if something happens to either of our cats.

What do you tell your offspring?