my Introduction

So i am joining the Bad mommies blog and have been asked to post some things for an intro.

I have been a little sick so i have avoided pc's so i apologise for my late introduction.

Okay 3 things that perhapes you do not know about me:
1. I am in youth ministry in my church i work with High school kids
2. I secretly love being fat
3. Apparently champaign makes me feel single again

okay


3 things about my kids
1. Secretly they are good kids
2. Both of them swear like sailors when they think i am not listening
3. Although not blood related they look more like each other than they do me.


my saying for being a mom: “It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” - The Golden Girls


okay famous mommy role model Bwhahahahahahhaha okay whatever - um i suppose Julia Roberts

If you could have one wish granted for your kid(s), what would it be?

That they were born knowing everything oh wait they already do. UM then my second choice would be - for PERFECT hearing at all times for the rest of their lives

seven things i cannot do since i became a mama...

1. Not be a kidlet person. I was the worst type of kidlet person. I could never understand why or how ANYONE would want to have a snot-nosed brat. Never mind two. Or god and heavens above, three, four or any number of them. Nowadays, you can't pass me in the street without me wanting to peer into your bundled package of cuteness.

2. Cook and eat a three-course meal. Nobody gets the chance to do the great big cookup and sitdown nowadays. wah. In my world, a sandwich and an orange make a good meal. Mind you, that's still pretty healthy.

3. Have cupboards that stay ordered. Heh. Anyone who has an inquisitive three-year old knows what I'm talking about.

4. Read and finish a book. I miss reading for days on end like I used to do! I get all my lit-love online nowadays.

5. Be sick and stay in bed. You know that saying 'no rest for the wicked'? yeah. no rest for sick mommies, hey.

6. Sleep in. Even if Cam isn't with me for a weekend and is with her dad, my brain wakes me up, every time, by 6am. Sob.

7. Work late. Wahaha. I have no idea why i feel bad about this.

5.

no can do's for sweets ;)

Write a post in which you relate seven things that you are

incapable of doing

now that you're a parent.

• Number one: IGNORE THE KIDS WHEN THEY SAY THEY'RE HUNGRY...i hate cooking... i really do... so when I've dragged myself into the kitchen after working the whole day, cooking is just not at the top of my list for fun relaxing things... i cook, i serve, we eat, seconds anybody? ...then I do the dishes... after the kitchen is clean and after I've eaten all the leftovers... i flop down on the sofa with a goofy grin... 5 seconds later Jay says... Mom I'm hungry...
• Number two: SLEEPING LATE... let me explain...I am capable of sleeping late but my kids are INCAPABLE of letting me... one morning i woke up with a kid both sides of my head ( I kept my eyes closed) and the one was whispering to the other... do you think she will be mad if we wake her up? LOL
• Number three: BUYING CLOTHES FOR MYSELF... the ratio is probably 1:5... so for every one piece of clothing I get, they each get five...
• Number four: USING MY HOME PC... i have no access to my own PC anymore... there is no time slot available!
• Number five: SHOPPING FOR HOURS... except if we're shopping for toys... there is no time limit then... but having two irritable naughty boys around when you're shopping for lingerie... well it doesn't work...
• Number six: BE ALONE IN THE BATHROOM... my ass would be on that toilet seat for 10.5 seconds... and there will be a knock on the door... enter unwelcome company :)
• Number seven: EATING A TREAT BOUGHT ONLY FOR ME... i hate sharing my sweets and treats, but when puppy-dog eyes look at you...what to do?

I Just Can't

I am incapable of doing the following, since having The Kid...

1.... eating glazed donuts. Have you seen a snotty kids' face? The resemblance of said snotty child's face to a glazed donut is disgustingly alike.

2. ...pretending not to notice how, when other mommies walking their babies in prams past me, stare into my pram and have a look at my kid. I know, he's gorgeous. Dont be jealous. It's not your fault you got a butt ugly baby and mine is so perfect. I however, resist looking in their pram, just in case their kid truly is hideous, I wont be able to keep the look of shock off my face. But I do however glare at them.

3....leaving the house wearing a pristine, well-put together outfit. My clothes invariably are covered in milk stains, biscuit crumbs, fruit splotches and my accessories are usually in The Kids' mouth to keep him quiet and entertained.

4....staying awake past 9pm. I know my kid sleeps from 6pm to 6 am, but late nights are no longer an option for me. I used to be a serious night owl - studying often until 4 am, often pulling all-nighters in the library working on assignments. No longer. I am far too tired at the end of the day to make it past 9pm. Some nights I dont even see 8pm.

5....getting horribly, snot-flyingly drunk. No matter how much I drink, or how fast, I cannot get drunk. It's rather annoying. Even more annoying is the fact that the whole time I'm thinking how The Kid is going to wake me up at 6am, and looking after him with a hangover wont be fun.

6...skipping a meal. This was common practice pre-Kid. If I was going out that night, which was nearly ever night, I wouldn't eat. Now I eat as if the world depends on it.

7....fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes...I blame The Kid, the washing machine. Everything except the fact that I eat like the world depends on it!

Introducing Neen

1. Thing 1, Thing 2 and Thing 3, otherwise known as James, Hannah and Jonah.

2. Three things you wouldn't know about me:

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you'd know the good, the bad and the ugly about me, but here are 3 things you might not know:
a) I recently chopped all my hair off. I had waist-length hair for about 10 years, and long hair for another 10. I got sick of it and had it hacked. I'm fairly happy with it. Most days.
b) Most of the time, I feel like an imposter at everything: motherhood, my job and being a grown-up.
c) I wish I could write for a living. It would be a dream come true.

3. Some things you don't know about my kids:

a) I've assigned really odd nicknames to them all: James: Bubby; Hannah: Whirly; Jonah: Woolies. They all mean something special.
b) James is something of a maths and English prodigy. He surprises me sometimes.
c) Jonah is a mini-me.

4. Quote/saying that best describes the way I feel about being a mommy:

I'll quote myself: "Mommies are people too".

5. My Famous Mommy Role Model:

There's a famous mommy role model out there?

6. If I could have one wish granted for my kids, it would be:

to grow up confident and secure in who they are. Unlike their silly mommy.

narrowing my list to 7 things

Write a post in which you relate seven things that you are incapable of doing now that you're a parent.

1. Going anywhere other than the front yard at the last minute - and even that requires deciding where to put the patio umbrella, finding a picnic blanket, gathering snacks & water bottles, and slathering on sunscreen
2. Staying in bed past 8:00 a.m. without numerous requests for attention, breakfast, computer time, pigtails, lost toys, new toothbrush, et cetera
3. Using the backseat of my car for anything other than hauling children or cultivating a granola bar farm from the crumbs
4. Keeping a consistently clean & orderly house (I very much enjoy blaming that on parenthood)
5. Being sick in peace (see #2)
6. Having sex in any place the kids use for play [Needless to say, they may not play anywhere in our bedroom, or the garage. Or downstairs bathroom. Carry on]
7. Pursuing a lucrative modeling career

Seven things I am incapable of doing now I am a parent:

1. See a new baby without getting all idiotically smiley and giggly.

2. Get through the day without saying at least three things no human being should ever have to say. For example: "No, Jackson, cat kibble does not belong up your nose."

3. Hear any sad child-related news story without sobbing big sobby tears.

4. See a pregnant lady without wanting to rush up to her and tell her that I was pregnant too once.

5. Not worry about the environment, crime, violence, the exchange rate etc.

6. Shake my booty. I have tried to dance post Jackson, but I have lost the rhythm and now I belong in the Parents that Dance Embarrassingly Badly Club.

7. Go clothes/book/grocery shopping for myself without buying at least three things for my child.

How about you?

[Write a post in which you relate your seven things]

being a mother

...write a post explaining when it is that you most feel like a mother. And when it is that you don't. When did you first realise that you were somebody's mother?

Right now, I feel most like a mother when my kids are experiencing significant emotional hardships - the kind of things only a mom's insight can help them through.

Examples: My daughter (just turned 8) has friends who are already starting the "You look fat in that" and "Let's not play with her" nonsense. I have to stop myself from simply judging & commanding - "That's dumb, don't be mean" - and come up with a dialogue that will [hopefully] keep her talking to me honestly through the coming (scary scary) teen years.

With my son, we visited a neurologist this year and are pretty certain he has mild Tourette Syndrome along with OCD. As a mother, I have to help him understand the technical stuff but more importantly, give him some useful tools for coping in a sometimes cruel world when all he wants is to be "normal" and have friends who don't think he's "weird."

Not feeling like a mother comes surprisingly easy for me. Maybe because I'm also a teacher, I naturally slip between the roles I play everyday. When I put on my going-out wardrobe (cleavage-revealing tops, tighter-ass jeans) and get myself to a cocktail party or bar, I flip the Mommy switch to Sassy Hottie Wife.

It's funny how having a baby placed in your arms doesn't necessarily trigger that "I'm a mom now" feeling. I had the realization hit me hardest when I ran into a woman at the library who looked at me and said, "Oh! You're Mason's mom!" I took for granted my everyday life with him; to have an outsider 'label' me made it real.

Who knew this job would be so fricking complicated? And for no salary. But even though I can't buy shoes with what I get out of it, the rewards are great.

I'm twobodies mother ;)

Sweets signing up for motherhood...

…write a post explaining when it is that you most feel like a mother. And when it is that you don’t. When did you first realise that you were somebody's mother?

both my kids were planned, i loved being pregnant, i love everything about motherhood, i truly do...

what i didn't realise was that i was due to raise these two beasts alone, that was kind of a deal breaker, but i stepped up to the plate... and although mostly my single-mom-and-two-kids life is very very hard, and hugely overwhelming, I love every moment...

the big change for me came when I was a newly divorced single mom... we moved into our "new" place... and i had tremendous financial stress, the ex wasn't paying child maintenance yet and I was just flat broke (understatement of the century) and totally fucking ...

O~V~E~R~W~H~E~L~M~E~D...

i remember sitting on the backdoor step one day and just crying, didn't care who saw me or who heard me I just bawled... I was overwhelmed cause I realised for the first time in my life, the bucket stops right there at the backdoor step... with me...

if my kids were hungry, I had to feed them

if they got hurt, I had to pay for medical care

if our safety is threatened, I have to make sure they are safe

if their hearts were breaking cause they miss batman, I had to love them and make it all better

if they needed clothes, I had to buy them clothes

if they go to school, I have to pay the school fees

if they grow up without knowing God, I never taught them

needless to say things didn't change overnight, things slowly got better, very very slowly... and here I have to give thanks to my sister who literally phoned me every day and asked what I needed, if I needed anything... she gave it... and more.... and when I told her everything is fine, she persisted until I gave in and spilled the beans... she was relentless and I have no disillusions about the fact that if it wasn't for her... dear God I don't even want to think about it... she saved me and the boys in more ways than one.

the only times I don't feel like a mother is when I watch my kids play... or when I watch them do something and they are not aware that I'm watching, and I look at them, all healthy and happy and carefree... and I think... they are huge! they are happy! how on earth is it possible that they are mine? Amazing...

that and the one time when Kay was about two weeks old... we went out for an evening meal and I forgot him in the restaurant...sigh... true story :)

Angel's Bad Mommy Homework...

…write a post explaining when it is that you most feel like a mother. And when it is that you don’t. When did you first realise that you were somebody's mother?

Hhmmm… this took some thinking lemme tell you bunnies! And I tried not to read anyone else’s posts till I had done mine… though it was tempting when I was wracking my empty brain!

When do (or did) I NOT feel like a mother.
Well, until Damien was about 2 weeks old, I didn’t feel at all like a mother. Yes I had a natural birth and yes I was breastfeeding and getting up in the middle of the night… but it felt like I was babysitting for someone else. I kept waiting for and expecting this magical moment when Damien and I would “bond” and I would look at him adoringly and the world around me would disappear and soft music would play and everything would be in soft focus.
Didn’t happen.
Perhaps it was partly because I was so young and selfish… there was so much I had planned to do- and now I had this tiny little human who needed me ALL THE TIME! Perhaps it was partly that I was expecting something that couldn’t happen… not like it did in the movies! I remember a specific night that I started crying almost uncontrollably whilst feeding a tiny Damien. My mom came to see what was up. I blubbed all but incoherently at her about how I didn’t feel like Damien was mine and how I wasn’t really a mother and why wasn’t I bonding with him and and and… she gave me a tiny glass of sherry, sent me to bed and took Damien for a couple of hours. I forget what all she told me that night, but I felt a lot better.
And I must be honest, I feel less like a “mommy” and more like a “mother” as Damien gets older. Does that make sense?

When I most felt like a mother was when Damien used to snuggle up on the couch next to me, when we could share a two-seater comfortably. He’d put his head on the arm and squish his feet in behind my bum and we’d watch TV together until it was his bedtime.
Reading him bedtime stories and fetching him from school always made me feel like a mother.
Helping out at school fetes and selling soup and pancakes at gymnastics competitions made me feel like a mother every time.
Disciplining him also always made me feel like a mother… and all too often I could hear my own mommy darling when I spoke to Damien!

One of the many times it struck me that I was actually someone’s mother was watching Damien compete in his gymnastics competitions. He was good, and when I watched him I wanted to nudge the people around me and say things like “That’s MY boy!”
Other times it really hit home was when he would come and crawl into my bed in the early hours of a weekend morning, snuggle up to me and go back to sleep. In winter he would declare himself my hot-water-bottle and it was his job to keep me warm!
And of course, worrying about a sick Damien always brought home to me that I was wholly responsible for this little person!
And one time I remember all too clearly was in 1998 when I was admitted to hospital with asthmatic pneumonia. I had called my folks to fetch me at home late one night because I couldn’t breathe anymore and needed to go to the hospital- and of course Damien had had to go with us as he was too little to stay home. I was in the back of the emergency room with a drip and an oxygen mask and the doctor went to call my daddy darling to let him know I was staying. My dad and Damien walked into the room hand in hand and Damien and I took one look at each other and started bawling! The fear in his eyes was too dreadful!
Ooh, and fighting for Damien's rights as an ADHDer and talking about his treatments and medication ALWAYS reminds me that I am someone's mother!


So, to end off… I will be a mother for as long as I live… and I wouldn’t change anything in my life for all the tea in China!