One day, when you’re all grown up

Boobah,

Happy Birthday. You are now 18, a man, an adult (according to the Childrens' Rights Laws). You are now old enough to sign your own cheques, your own contracts and make your own decisions.

I love you. Never forget that. That said, there are some things I would like to tell you:

• Your girlfriend hates me. That's fine, because I'm not all that keen on her either. She's snobby, rude, un-classed, and thinks too much of herself. She's pretty, I'll give you that, but looks fade over time, son. Just remember that. If this is just a fling, that's great! When you do start thinking of settling down, find yourself a nice girl, with a bubbly personality and a warm heart. Someone who will love you for you, and not because you are successful or come from a rich family.
  
• Use a condom.
  
• Get a financial advisor ASAP. If you are anything like me when it comes to money, you will need this!
  
• Try and save some money, please.
  
• Go out, have fun, dance through the night, but just keep in contact with your sense of responsibility. If you are going to drink alcohol, please drink water or plain coke in between each alcoholic beverage. If you're going to drive, please stop drinking at least 3 hours before you have to get behind the wheel. It won't prevent you from being drunk, but it will help that your head doesn't feel too woozy and that traffic lights won't swim before your eyes.
  
• If you're going to do drugs (and I hope you never get the urge), at least tell me what you're using, so that in the event of something going horribly wrong, I can get you the correct treatment ASAP!
  

Okay, end of the seriousness. Your dad and I have bought you a car for your birthday. If you run downstairs, the keys are in the prettily wrapped box on the foyer table. All those times you thought I wasn't listening to you, well surprise, a mom can do more than one thing at the same time. I did actually hear you going on and on about that car that you like so much. It took some considerable arm-twisting on your dad's part, but I did it. Hope you enjoy the car, and that it turns out to be as much fun as you hoped for.

Again, I love you. Always remember that. You have been my most precious gift ever. I couldn't have asked for a better child. I hope you know that.

With all my love,

Your Mom

XXX

PS: I found those books you thought you hid so well. Hiding stuff underneath your mattress = Bad Idea. They kind of popped out when I changed your bedding. Sorry honey...