Answering the Interrogator: Bad Mommy Homework Week #3

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

my biggest disappointment was the fact that I was going to quit smoking, drinking and partying. Especially smoking dope – that was going to have to stop completely. The last drink and joint I had been on the 20th of March 2007 (I didn’t know that I was already three weeks pregnant – I discovered the next day)

Went to the doctor, because I had been throwing up for a few days, and I thought I had gastro (it was going around at the time) and boyfriend insisted on getting I t checked out and getting some medication.
Doctor: is there any chance you could be pregnant?
Me: No, dude, I had my period three weeks ago!
Doctor: would you mind doing a pregnancy test anyway?
Me: sure, but it’s a waste of time, and a waste of a good pee-stick.
[I peed on the stick, went back into his office to wait with boyfriend]
Doctor: Congratulations! You’re expecting a child.

I started crying and boyfriend went deathly-white.
Doctor: obviously you’re not thrilled. Have you considered your options?
Me: my father is going to have a fit.
Doctor: if you want to book a termination, book with Dr Coetzee, I don’t do those. I don’t believe in them. Obviously I will encourage you to keep it. And cut out all your drinking and smoking.

I also realized that if I decided to keep the baby and make things work with the father, I’d never be able to move back to my home town. All my friends and my father are there. That was hard. Coping with it: I go back and visit whenever I can. I speak to my friends on Facebook, talk to my father on the phone every day. He comes to visit when he can too.

As for the smoking and drinking – I cut the joints out completely. Same for the vodka. I would have the occasional cider when we went out. The smoking cigarettes was a bit harder. I quit while I had morning sickness (about 4-5 months) and then started again. I couldn’t help myself. Bad, bad mommy.

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

most of my friends are in another city, so it hasn’t been too hard. But Boyfriend’s friends haven’t been so understanding. They bitch we’re hiding The Kid from them, and they get all miff when they invite us out and we cant come because we’re exhausted from being parents. I just tell them to grow up. They’ll see us when they see us.

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?
Well he can’t really talk yet, and doesn’t understand a word I say – so I haven’t. But perhaps I will, perhaps I won’t. I find it very difficult to admit I’m wrong.

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

He says I am a wonderful mother, and that he’s always impressed how I can get The Kid to stop crying in two seconds flat. He’s amazed at my patience.

5. What is the worst?
He brings up the fact that The Kid rolled off the couch and bumped his head, when we are having an argument. He also says I dress The Kid like a dork.

homework... sweetass

hey bridge... what happened to questions like... how much weight did you pick up during your pregnancy or... when was the first time you had sex after having your baby... just kidding... really good questions...!

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

with kay i was disappointed cause we couldn't afford anything at that stage, we just started out and didn't really think having a baby would be such a huge step, stupid i know... VERY stupid... so among other things i had to have kay at a government hospital.... which was quite humbling but not as bad as one would imagine... so all's well that end's well right... with jay everything was planned so there was no disappointments, i just wasn't at at my ideal weight and really just missed 100kg before i had him ...oer

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

all my school friends i lost or actually gave up... i started very early with kids, they all have babies now... and kay is 12... so huge gap and nothing really in common anymore... child-less friends... do i have any of those... lemme think... nope :-) if i had... i must have but just can't think now... i have every second weekend to myself when the kids go to their dad so i tend to use those weekends to overdo it

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?

hell yes... i make it very clear to them at every opportunity that i am only human, that i do my best but alas i am a female and human.... i don't admit every single mistake, but the stuff that should be acknowledged i do... can't always be right.

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

that i am always available to my kids, and that it's very obvious how much i love them both and that i'm a good mother

5. What is the worst?

oh fuck... that i'm not strict enough! that's so funny i'm rolling around on the floor laughing my ass off, he has no idea, and he's wrong btw ~ i don't want my kids to remember their childhood filled with doom and gloom and perfect manners, i just DON'T sweat the small stuff and the ex, well~ he just loooooooooves the small stuff

Homework - Kerryn

Sheesh Bridge, ask some hard ones why don’t ya!!

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?
Because Ciara wasn’t planned and I wasn’t married, my biggest disappointment was to myself and my partner. We were not ready for her, and there were many, many things we still wanted to do (travel, enjoy our twenties!) I always wanted kids, but just not right then!

I had to accept the reality was that I was with child and I could either love it or hate it. I made a conscious choice to love it, and really enjoyed my pregnancy after that!

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of childless friends?
Most of my friends have children of their own, which makes it easier. Some childless friends don’t really mind that I have a kid, and some are more reluctant. Really, nothing much has changed in our relationship.

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?
My biggest, worst and most difficult to stop mistake is that I am incredibly impatient. I have no problem apologising to Ciara when I react impatiently towards her. I have to keep reminding myself that she is only seven. As of today I am not aware of any other "big" mistakes I’ve made. Ask me again when she’s 15, and I’m sure I’ll have a long, long, long list!

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?
After we first separated, and he spent his first day alone with her. He told me he has a lot more respect for what I do day in and day out. He never realised how tiring being a parent was.

5. What is the worst?
Where shall I start. Lol, just kidding. Not much really. He says I baby her too much, but I honestly don’t think that’s a bad thing!

Bad Mommy Homemork: Bridget Asks The Questions.

The format of these is really simple. I'm the Bad Cop as well as the Good Cop. This is an Interrogation Chamber! You answer my questions! End of story.

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

5. What is the worst?

I Told Him The Kid Wasn't His

Mr Thrills and I had a rip-roaring argument this weekend. Cant really remember what it was really about, but I think it was set off by him losing the car keys and expecting me to find them. (Along with blaming me for losing them).

I did the usual tantrum related stuff - kicked his braai kit across the courtyard and poured juice on it, then bounced the cup along the paving. I slammed his car door, poured juice on the carpet in the garage and broke a glass or two.

I packed my bag, and a million bags for The Kid (how much shit do babies actually have!?) and sat waiting by the front door on the couch (the couch had no cushions, Mr Thrills had thrown them all off in his huff to find his keys) for my step-father to fetch me.

Mr Thrills took The Kid out of his playset and refused to give him to me. Telling me I wasn't going to take his kid away from him.

Mr Thrills: You're not taking my kid away from me.

Me: I am. Give him here.

[repeat the above one hundred times]

After that kind of kindergarten mentality argument, I swiftly snatched The Kid away and spat 'he's not even your child anyway!'.

He looked at me in shock for a second and asked 'whose is he then?'

I said: 'Dave's'. [Everyone has been joking recently that because The Kid looks like he has a slight ginger tint to his hair, that it must be Freckle Dave's kid]

He sat down on the floor and started laughing.

Didn't believe me at all.

Yet a few months before The Kid was born, every time we had an argument it was 'I bet you that child's not even mine'. And I would tell him he could have paternity tests until they ran out of paternity tests. The results would always be the same.

We fight an awful lot. All the time. Constantly. We fight about nothing. We fight about fighting. We fight about everything.

Is this normal?

sick sickety sick

What does a bad mommy do with a sick little kid with a 101 degree fever?

One that doesn't want to eat, sleep, talk or even dance and play?

Simple...

juice. water. meds. juice. crackers. water. tv. tv. tv. juice. crackers. cats. tv. tv. tv. soup. more juice...

a little bit of love.

some cuddles...

and of course some more water juice and tv...

What do you do when your little one is so sick they don't even have the energy to drive you nuts?

So. Kids.

Where I'm staying in Cape Town, I am 100% convinced that the neighbouring people all had lights out at the same time roughly thirteen years ago and got down and dirty with eachother, as there are at least 15 fucking ankle biters that roam around and deem themselves fit to wrestle, scream & cry outside my bedroom window.

Last week I was tanning out on the lawn with a book in hand, when I look up into the tree above me and three little boys are grinning down like a bunch of bloody monkeys. As soon as they realised I'd seen them, they slunk off as if they were James Bond on the way to get a shaken, not stirred, martini with three olives.

Little assholes. Their moms all look at me like I am some hussy from Hillbrow zoning in on their kids too.

Oh, so thats right - they can gawk at me, but when I yell at them to go play on the train tracks, I'm the bad person?!

memories homework

1. What do you remember most clearly about the birth of your kids?
Most clearly I remember concerned nurses ordering me onto my hands and knees, jabbing an IV into my left hand and putting a pen in my right so I could sign the C-section waiver. I'd been at the hospital 10 minutes, and I'm left-handed. With my daughter, I vividly recall the pain inflicted by an incompetent trying to poke the IV into my (right, thankfully) hand for five excruciating minutes.

2. What weird cravings did you have, if any?
I constantly ate cinnamon-sugar toast and mini pretzels, plus frequently begged for Bismarcks. I'm not entirely sure any of that had to do with pregnancy, necessarily.

3. What other names were you debating, before you settled on the name you did?
For a boy, we liked Will and Reed. For a girl, I briefly tried to wrap my brain around Minnie, after my grandma. And we argued about Olivia - I like the name but my husband was set to call her Libby, which only reminds me of canned foods. Stu also lobbied for Sophie but I thought it would sound ridiculous (and stripper-like) with our very English last name, Spencer.

4. What's the hardest part about being a mommy?
Wanting me me me time when the kids are still awake. And hating to play Polly Pockets; I imagine my daughter discussing with a therapist my disdainful attitude whenever she begged me to join her.

5. How did becoming a mommy change you?
I examine my own behavior and choices with a more critical eye - how am I representing moms & women? Am I being an effective positive role model? Did they just hear me say f*ck?

6. What advice would you give any future mommies-to-be?
Listen to your own instincts - Dr. Spock himself said we know more than we think we do. Don't let anyone frighten or guilt you into making moves that don't feel right for your family. Oh! And keep buying the sexiest underwear you can stand.

Searching the Database...

1. What do you remember most clearly about the birth of your kid(s)?

J was a traumatic birth... I had to undergo an emergency Caesar and gotta tell you that it was the longest 30 min of my life being unable to push and feeling like I have the worlds biggest dump on board! But they soon put me under but I when I woke up I was convinced I was still pregnant and in labour till they brought in my J.. He looked like such a cute little rat.. I loved him immediately..
D was more civilised and I knew the risk this time and was less surprised when I needed to go for a Caesar, and there was enough time for epidural aswell.. Watched the birth via the lights !!
wow.. what a helluva thing!!
He peed on the doctor... That's my boy! I then passed out (probably from exhaustion in watching them work) and woke up with him being thrust on my nipple... nothing says I love you like cracked nipples..

2. What weird cravings did you have, if any?

I didn't crave anything..
But I did pull a fakey!.. he he..
When I wanted something I told my ex that it was a craving.. worked for me..

3. What other names were you debating, before you settled on the name you did?

Too many to relate.. only knew it wasn't going to be my name ;-)
(nobody ever spells it my way..which is obviously the right way!)

4. What's the hardest part about being a mommy?

Saying No..

5. How did becoming a mommy change you?

I finally understood my mom and loved her more ...

6. What advice would you give any future mommies-to-be?

Don't give up on them and whatever you do never show fear.. they can smell it a mile away...

B

Ima Newbie...

Me & My Pumpkins...

3 things you wouldn't know about me

1. I don't do ironing...
2. I am a Qualified PC/Network Technician (have all the blah blahs to prove it)...
3. I love cars, computers, movies & series, and sexy time...

Some things you wouldn't know about my boys

1. J is 13..
2. D is 9..
3. J wrote me a poem the other day to try convince me not to kick him out..
4. They are actually cool with the fact that I drive a pink car...
5. J is ADD and D is an overachiever who doesn't rock boats...

A saying that best describes the way I feel about being a mommy?

"OMG, I feel old... stop growing dammit!! "

Who's my Famous Mommy Role Model ?

I dont really have a famous mommy role model..but if I am pressed on this point I will have to go with
Madonna: You don't hear of her kids flashing their gauva's* for the camera's and she is still incredibly hot!

If I could have one wish granted for my boys, what would it be?

For a bigger place so they can each get their own room... they are about to kill each other!

B

* gauva's = that bald eagle that britney spears, paris hilton and lindsay lohan are convinced should be flashed about so that we can remind them when its time to go wax again..