Showing posts with label zoeyjane. Show all posts
Showing posts with label zoeyjane. Show all posts
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Letter to the Future Sanity-Breaker
Dear Isobel,
I thought it would be important to instill a few important thoughts on this, the day of your (first) engagement. I'm actually writing this three minutes after you've fallen asleep on the evening of your 599th day, but that I fell into a heap of exhaustive, head-shaking sighs shows me that you are my twin. At least, according to my mother.
And this means something rather important. Ready for the secret? If you are my little girl to the same degree that I was my mother's - wherein in ten years I'll be able to predict your actions based on what I would do, but would still be surprised by whatever it was I predicted - then the following applies...
You will mess up men.
You will take a boy, say, a calm, quiet, laid-back folksy musician and turn him into an anger ball. You will be drawn to the bad boys and then will spend your relationships telling them why they're not good enough. Worse still, these boys will end up resenting those things about you, on drugs for varying levels of anxiety and depression (but who isn't?) and still sort of wrapped around your finger.
Yeah, I know, sounds harsh, but it's been my life to this point.
So what I want to tell you, what I think you should ponder before taking any further steps - even just to the bathroom - is that you will not be happy for this talent. You may occasionally smile a wicked grin about the power, you may feel loved or worshiped, even, but it's not truthful. If you lead your life this way, you will end up feeling like little more than a bully.
On that note, I encourage you to rethink this engagement. Not because what's their face isn't the greatest boy (or girl) in the world, but because you might not actually want to be married to him (or her) for any amount of time, really, never mind for life. Consider whether you're possibly looking for the high that co-dependence provides, the passion of a hard-core fight (and the making up, afterward), and or to just not look for anything any more - for stability.
None of those are the right reasons to get married. I know, I've been engaged twice and married none.
You know that I'll support anything you want to do, if it makes you truly happy. But you also know that I will be the first person to suggest that you're full of bullshit, if you are. Call it tough love, but I call it integrity. Because I'd rather you think of me as a harsh, meddling critic than your future.
I'll love you always.
Mummy.
I thought it would be important to instill a few important thoughts on this, the day of your (first) engagement. I'm actually writing this three minutes after you've fallen asleep on the evening of your 599th day, but that I fell into a heap of exhaustive, head-shaking sighs shows me that you are my twin. At least, according to my mother.
And this means something rather important. Ready for the secret? If you are my little girl to the same degree that I was my mother's - wherein in ten years I'll be able to predict your actions based on what I would do, but would still be surprised by whatever it was I predicted - then the following applies...
You will mess up men.
You will take a boy, say, a calm, quiet, laid-back folksy musician and turn him into an anger ball. You will be drawn to the bad boys and then will spend your relationships telling them why they're not good enough. Worse still, these boys will end up resenting those things about you, on drugs for varying levels of anxiety and depression (but who isn't?) and still sort of wrapped around your finger.
Yeah, I know, sounds harsh, but it's been my life to this point.
So what I want to tell you, what I think you should ponder before taking any further steps - even just to the bathroom - is that you will not be happy for this talent. You may occasionally smile a wicked grin about the power, you may feel loved or worshiped, even, but it's not truthful. If you lead your life this way, you will end up feeling like little more than a bully.
On that note, I encourage you to rethink this engagement. Not because what's their face isn't the greatest boy (or girl) in the world, but because you might not actually want to be married to him (or her) for any amount of time, really, never mind for life. Consider whether you're possibly looking for the high that co-dependence provides, the passion of a hard-core fight (and the making up, afterward), and or to just not look for anything any more - for stability.
None of those are the right reasons to get married. I know, I've been engaged twice and married none.
You know that I'll support anything you want to do, if it makes you truly happy. But you also know that I will be the first person to suggest that you're full of bullshit, if you are. Call it tough love, but I call it integrity. Because I'd rather you think of me as a harsh, meddling critic than your future.
I'll love you always.
Mummy.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
The Early Bird Gets the Bacon
This is some interesting homework, Exmi (oh, yes, I've totally given you a nickname) - I can't wait to see what everyone else says...
Before I was a mom, I craved it and never thought it was going to happen. As soon as I gave up, it did.
Before I was a mom, I withdrew from life's disappointments by getting high in some way (drugs, booze, sex, shopping, pure manically-induced moments). Now, I get high from cleaning fumes and midnight manic blogging.
Before I was a mom, I thought if I became a mom, I'd fit into this cookie cutter image of a person who was always thoughtful and gentle and peaceful with their child, so as to raise one of similar behaviour. Now I know that I don't necessarily want one like that - my kid's got so much attitude, it makes her even more entralling.
Before I was a mom, it was really easy to judge parents whose kids were whining or screaming or sitting there talking and the parent was just doing nothing. Now, I understand why, sometimes.
Before I was a mom, I was never going to let my kid watch tv, speak only one language, see me with a drink or smoke in hand, eat McDonalds, wear pink and a whole other laundry list of do nots. All of those self-inflicted rules were broken by the time she was 11 months old.
Before I was a mom, I didn't think I'd consider cleaning while a TV babysit my kid, or grocery shopping as me time. Now, I look forward to it.
Before I was a mom, I didn't think I'd ever read the same 45 word book multiple times in a row or play ring around the rosie until I got dizzy. But I do, almost everyday.
Before I was a mom, I'd never loved someone unconditionally - despite when they bite, kick, punch and slap me, keep me awake for days in a row, vomit on me, scream at me and do horribly defacement to my body. But with her, it's tru luv 4eva.
Before I was a mom, I craved it and never thought it was going to happen. As soon as I gave up, it did.
Before I was a mom, I withdrew from life's disappointments by getting high in some way (drugs, booze, sex, shopping, pure manically-induced moments). Now, I get high from cleaning fumes and midnight manic blogging.
Before I was a mom, I thought if I became a mom, I'd fit into this cookie cutter image of a person who was always thoughtful and gentle and peaceful with their child, so as to raise one of similar behaviour. Now I know that I don't necessarily want one like that - my kid's got so much attitude, it makes her even more entralling.
Before I was a mom, it was really easy to judge parents whose kids were whining or screaming or sitting there talking and the parent was just doing nothing. Now, I understand why, sometimes.
Before I was a mom, I was never going to let my kid watch tv, speak only one language, see me with a drink or smoke in hand, eat McDonalds, wear pink and a whole other laundry list of do nots. All of those self-inflicted rules were broken by the time she was 11 months old.
Before I was a mom, I didn't think I'd consider cleaning while a TV babysit my kid, or grocery shopping as me time. Now, I look forward to it.
Before I was a mom, I didn't think I'd ever read the same 45 word book multiple times in a row or play ring around the rosie until I got dizzy. But I do, almost everyday.
Before I was a mom, I'd never loved someone unconditionally - despite when they bite, kick, punch and slap me, keep me awake for days in a row, vomit on me, scream at me and do horribly defacement to my body. But with her, it's tru luv 4eva.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Homework on the first day of school?
1. Do you remember a particular incident or moment from your own childhood that has influenced the way you raise your offspring?
I'm going to have to agree with Kerryn and say, yes. A lot. An extraordinary amount. Basically, I'm going for the exact opposite of my childhood.
2. Have you started some kind of savings plan or investment thingy for when your kidlet(s) wants to go to college or varsity?
We have RESPs in Canada which are eligible for Government grants, depending on the other sorts of Provincial and Federal aide you get. So um, yeah, when I found out about that and that I didn't even have to put money in, myself, I signed my kiddo up for one. Thanks to her being born, I have now leeched another $650 out of the Government of Canada.
3. Do you think it’s possible to let go of “mommy guilt”, to forgive yourself and move on, to do better?
Possible? Maybe. For me? Nope, not going to happen. The guilt keeps me in line. The guilt is the reason I try to do better. Without the guilt, it'd just be this full-time, naked child, Dora the Explorer themed, pizza party up in here. But it's a nice thought, really. *pats hand, sincerely*
4. How long after giving birth did you want to have sex?
Really? Want? Or feel like I had to cuz, well, it was part of my job as housewife? Like Sweets and Kerryn, my baby totally ripped me a new one - I wasn't walking properly upright for a couple of months. It took me about eight weeks to agree and suffer through it, but it really took me about six months to want it. Then the 14-year old boy in me was unleashed, again.
I'm going to have to agree with Kerryn and say, yes. A lot. An extraordinary amount. Basically, I'm going for the exact opposite of my childhood.
2. Have you started some kind of savings plan or investment thingy for when your kidlet(s) wants to go to college or varsity?
We have RESPs in Canada which are eligible for Government grants, depending on the other sorts of Provincial and Federal aide you get. So um, yeah, when I found out about that and that I didn't even have to put money in, myself, I signed my kiddo up for one. Thanks to her being born, I have now leeched another $650 out of the Government of Canada.
3. Do you think it’s possible to let go of “mommy guilt”, to forgive yourself and move on, to do better?
Possible? Maybe. For me? Nope, not going to happen. The guilt keeps me in line. The guilt is the reason I try to do better. Without the guilt, it'd just be this full-time, naked child, Dora the Explorer themed, pizza party up in here. But it's a nice thought, really. *pats hand, sincerely*
4. How long after giving birth did you want to have sex?
Really? Want? Or feel like I had to cuz, well, it was part of my job as housewife? Like Sweets and Kerryn, my baby totally ripped me a new one - I wasn't walking properly upright for a couple of months. It took me about eight weeks to agree and suffer through it, but it really took me about six months to want it. Then the 14-year old boy in me was unleashed, again.
When Bad Means Good
Picture it: I get this comment on my blog at midnight (my time), inviting me to contribute to another blog. I do a little dance - I shake the space between my waist and thighs where some women have an ass and I have only tattoos and stretch marks. I rejoice because someone has finally noticed. I'm a Bad Mommy.
Sure, laziness and shameless plugging, but if you want a little more info on me other than the fact that I am Canadian, a terminal dork, and have a bad attitude, check out the psych profile.
Now, I hear someone's dog eating my homework...
Can't wait to get to know y'all better!
Sure, laziness and shameless plugging, but if you want a little more info on me other than the fact that I am Canadian, a terminal dork, and have a bad attitude, check out the psych profile.
Now, I hear someone's dog eating my homework...
Can't wait to get to know y'all better!
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