The question for the week: What 3 things do you do, as a mother, that goes against all the books?
1. I can be a yeller and have been known to even swear a tad. It's often ineffectual (except in generating fear) and it makes me look like a lunatic, but sometimes it's all I can do to avoid breaking things.
2. Leave my kids home alone for up to an hour after school. They are 9 & 8 and I'm pretty sure it's legal but most moms around here would lose their minds about this. [For the record, I do call to check in and make sure they've locked the door, and usually there is a trustworthy neighbor available]
3. Allow ice cream, cake, pizza, or chocolate chips with breakfast. Usually there is a waffle or oatmeal involved with one of those items, but sometimes we just call it good if any food has been consumed in the morning.
And now I'm going to go do #4 which is take a long hot bath wearing ear plugs...
Showing posts with label stephanie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stephanie. Show all posts
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
narrowing my list to 7 things
Write a post in which you relate seven things that you are incapable of doing now that you're a parent.
- Going anywhere other than the front yard at the last minute - and even that requires deciding where to put the patio umbrella, finding a picnic blanket, gathering snacks & water bottles, and slathering on sunscreen
- Staying in bed past 8:00 a.m. without numerous requests for attention, breakfast, computer time, pigtails, lost toys, new toothbrush, et cetera
- Using the backseat of my car for anything other than hauling children or cultivating a granola bar farm from the crumbs
- Keeping a consistently clean & orderly house (I very much enjoy blaming that on parenthood)
- Being sick in peace (see #2)
- Having sex in any place the kids use for play [Needless to say, they may not play anywhere in our bedroom, or the garage. Or downstairs bathroom. Carry on]
- Pursuing a lucrative modeling career
Friday, July 11, 2008
being a mother
...write a post explaining when it is that you most feel like a mother. And when it is that you don't. When did you first realise that you were somebody's mother?
Right now, I feel most like a mother when my kids are experiencing significant emotional hardships - the kind of things only a mom's insight can help them through.
Examples: My daughter (just turned 8) has friends who are already starting the "You look fat in that" and "Let's not play with her" nonsense. I have to stop myself from simply judging & commanding - "That's dumb, don't be mean" - and come up with a dialogue that will [hopefully] keep her talking to me honestly through the coming (scary scary) teen years.
With my son, we visited a neurologist this year and are pretty certain he has mild Tourette Syndrome along with OCD. As a mother, I have to help him understand the technical stuff but more importantly, give him some useful tools for coping in a sometimes cruel world when all he wants is to be "normal" and have friends who don't think he's "weird."
Not feeling like a mother comes surprisingly easy for me. Maybe because I'm also a teacher, I naturally slip between the roles I play everyday. When I put on my going-out wardrobe (cleavage-revealing tops, tighter-ass jeans) and get myself to a cocktail party or bar, I flip the Mommy switch to Sassy Hottie Wife.
It's funny how having a baby placed in your arms doesn't necessarily trigger that "I'm a mom now" feeling. I had the realization hit me hardest when I ran into a woman at the library who looked at me and said, "Oh! You're Mason's mom!" I took for granted my everyday life with him; to have an outsider 'label' me made it real.
Who knew this job would be so fricking complicated? And for no salary. But even though I can't buy shoes with what I get out of it, the rewards are great.
Right now, I feel most like a mother when my kids are experiencing significant emotional hardships - the kind of things only a mom's insight can help them through.
Examples: My daughter (just turned 8) has friends who are already starting the "You look fat in that" and "Let's not play with her" nonsense. I have to stop myself from simply judging & commanding - "That's dumb, don't be mean" - and come up with a dialogue that will [hopefully] keep her talking to me honestly through the coming (scary scary) teen years.
With my son, we visited a neurologist this year and are pretty certain he has mild Tourette Syndrome along with OCD. As a mother, I have to help him understand the technical stuff but more importantly, give him some useful tools for coping in a sometimes cruel world when all he wants is to be "normal" and have friends who don't think he's "weird."
Not feeling like a mother comes surprisingly easy for me. Maybe because I'm also a teacher, I naturally slip between the roles I play everyday. When I put on my going-out wardrobe (cleavage-revealing tops, tighter-ass jeans) and get myself to a cocktail party or bar, I flip the Mommy switch to Sassy Hottie Wife.
It's funny how having a baby placed in your arms doesn't necessarily trigger that "I'm a mom now" feeling. I had the realization hit me hardest when I ran into a woman at the library who looked at me and said, "Oh! You're Mason's mom!" I took for granted my everyday life with him; to have an outsider 'label' me made it real.
Who knew this job would be so fricking complicated? And for no salary. But even though I can't buy shoes with what I get out of it, the rewards are great.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
bad mom seeks amusing moments
So, I haven't done last week's homework and I'm late with this week's assignment. Clearly I am cut out for the Teacher of the Year award, right after Best Mom Ever.
Regardless, here we go.
Please tell us about something your child(ren) said that was supremely amusing. Embarrassing is also fun.
Okay, me first.
One from the archives of my son's many hilarious exchanges:
When my son was about 3, I was getting him some applesauce when he passed gas. I asked what he should say; he replied "Thank you." Realizing I had kind of confused him I then said, "But what do you say after farting?" My charmer - "You're welcome!"
Paige once finished her dinner then lifted her shirt and announced, while pointing to her stomach, "I have an empty space shaped like dessert right here!"
Regardless, here we go.
Please tell us about something your child(ren) said that was supremely amusing. Embarrassing is also fun.
Okay, me first.
One from the archives of my son's many hilarious exchanges:
When my son was about 3, I was getting him some applesauce when he passed gas. I asked what he should say; he replied "Thank you." Realizing I had kind of confused him I then said, "But what do you say after farting?" My charmer - "You're welcome!"
Paige once finished her dinner then lifted her shirt and announced, while pointing to her stomach, "I have an empty space shaped like dessert right here!"
Sunday, March 9, 2008
before bad momhood
[So sorry to be absent lo these many weeks...Bad is my first name, you know]
Before I was a mom, I enjoyed:
Before I was a mom, I enjoyed:
- Going to the movies at the last minute
- Waiting till dinnertime to figure out what to make
- Watching commercial TV between 7 am & 7 pm
- Long, warm, relaxing baths
- Spending an entire Saturday going to garage sales
- Reading a grown-up book while the sun was up
- Dogs
- Three rooms to myself in the house
- Sleeping in
- Sleeping through the night
- The backseat of my car
- A consistently clean & orderly house
- Dry-clean-only clothes
- Privacy
- Leisurely dining in a restaurant
- Sick days
- A modeling career
- Weekends in Vegas
- A life of crime
Okay, the last few never really materialized...Since my kids are getting older, I'm finding my way back to some of these luxuries. But some I'm not missing much anyway.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
bad mom, bad responder
Sorry to be getting in under the wire (or is it already next week in South Africa? I might already be a problem-causer...).
1. How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?
Well, like Angel, because of TV I was sure my house would always look stylish & delightful, my hat-wearing husband would be charmingly sympathetic to my daily plight, and four-course healthy meals would magically appear in front of my fresh scrubbed polite little tots. That is not so in my real world.
2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?
"Why can't you be like __________ (fill in the blank with the name of someone more sweet/compliant/well-dressed/academically motivated)?" I have absolutely kept that vow, as a mom and a teacher. Unless somebody is driving me up a wall, then I will break it out sarcastically in an attempt to lighten the mood...
3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-conscious by the condition of your home?
Since I've gone back to teaching all day everyday, I would definitely be self-conscious about the unswept floors, sticky counters, and piles of dishes (that's just downstairs...), but I would also love the company.
4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?
Hmmm. Should I choose something that reflects the nightmarish idea of having two infants in my house tomorrow, or nicer, friendlier names? 'Doom' and 'Gloom' seems too mean; I'd go with 'Gage' & 'Lucy.'
5. Did you suffer from postnatal depression?
Sadness about being in that frumpy land between darling maternity clothes and my old hottie jeans, yes, but nothing debilitating, thank God. I am immensely sympathetic with those who do.
1. How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?
Well, like Angel, because of TV I was sure my house would always look stylish & delightful, my hat-wearing husband would be charmingly sympathetic to my daily plight, and four-course healthy meals would magically appear in front of my fresh scrubbed polite little tots. That is not so in my real world.
2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?
"Why can't you be like __________ (fill in the blank with the name of someone more sweet/compliant/well-dressed/academically motivated)?" I have absolutely kept that vow, as a mom and a teacher. Unless somebody is driving me up a wall, then I will break it out sarcastically in an attempt to lighten the mood...
3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-conscious by the condition of your home?
Since I've gone back to teaching all day everyday, I would definitely be self-conscious about the unswept floors, sticky counters, and piles of dishes (that's just downstairs...), but I would also love the company.
4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?
Hmmm. Should I choose something that reflects the nightmarish idea of having two infants in my house tomorrow, or nicer, friendlier names? 'Doom' and 'Gloom' seems too mean; I'd go with 'Gage' & 'Lucy.'
5. Did you suffer from postnatal depression?
Sadness about being in that frumpy land between darling maternity clothes and my old hottie jeans, yes, but nothing debilitating, thank God. I am immensely sympathetic with those who do.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
bad mom's dark side
What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?
Hmmm. Because I am an utter control freak, I pretty much had everything in place. Let's see. I guess a big disappointment was how very emotional I became and therefore could not bear to teach the adjudicated youth I worked with anymore; crying in front of teenage students is decidedly unproductive. I coped by constantly pinching myself when feeling weepy, getting those kids ready for and passing their tests as fast as I could, and helping them hire a new teacher.
How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?
I didn't do very well - the few childless friends we had were pretty much left out of the new-baby-loop. But more, I think, due to their discomfort with the shift of attention & priorities. (I think?) Wow, that feels pretty rotten. (Thanks a lot for reminding me...).
Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?
Oh definitely. The few times I've become a lunatic (Hulk Mom, actually tearing my son's door from its hinges, and various episodes of shrieking and grabbing shoulders) I have announced a time out for myself then followed up with a calm discussion of what went wrong and how we'll behave differently next time. I'm hoping to figure less in their future therapy sessions because of this...(Wish me luck).
What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?
He is awestruck at my creativity in discipline strategies, and appreciates my ability to stay calm (my beastly actions notwithstanding) in discussions.
What is the worst?
That I let them get away with too much backtalk. (Whatever).
Hmmm. Because I am an utter control freak, I pretty much had everything in place. Let's see. I guess a big disappointment was how very emotional I became and therefore could not bear to teach the adjudicated youth I worked with anymore; crying in front of teenage students is decidedly unproductive. I coped by constantly pinching myself when feeling weepy, getting those kids ready for and passing their tests as fast as I could, and helping them hire a new teacher.
How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?
I didn't do very well - the few childless friends we had were pretty much left out of the new-baby-loop. But more, I think, due to their discomfort with the shift of attention & priorities. (I think?) Wow, that feels pretty rotten. (Thanks a lot for reminding me...).
Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?
Oh definitely. The few times I've become a lunatic (Hulk Mom, actually tearing my son's door from its hinges, and various episodes of shrieking and grabbing shoulders) I have announced a time out for myself then followed up with a calm discussion of what went wrong and how we'll behave differently next time. I'm hoping to figure less in their future therapy sessions because of this...(Wish me luck).
What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?
He is awestruck at my creativity in discipline strategies, and appreciates my ability to stay calm (my beastly actions notwithstanding) in discussions.
What is the worst?
That I let them get away with too much backtalk. (Whatever).
Thursday, January 24, 2008
memories homework
1. What do you remember most clearly about the birth of your kids?
Most clearly I remember concerned nurses ordering me onto my hands and knees, jabbing an IV into my left hand and putting a pen in my right so I could sign the C-section waiver. I'd been at the hospital 10 minutes, and I'm left-handed. With my daughter, I vividly recall the pain inflicted by an incompetent trying to poke the IV into my (right, thankfully) hand for five excruciating minutes.
2. What weird cravings did you have, if any?
I constantly ate cinnamon-sugar toast and mini pretzels, plus frequently begged for Bismarcks. I'm not entirely sure any of that had to do with pregnancy, necessarily.
3. What other names were you debating, before you settled on the name you did?
For a boy, we liked Will and Reed. For a girl, I briefly tried to wrap my brain around Minnie, after my grandma. And we argued about Olivia - I like the name but my husband was set to call her Libby, which only reminds me of canned foods. Stu also lobbied for Sophie but I thought it would sound ridiculous (and stripper-like) with our very English last name, Spencer.
4. What's the hardest part about being a mommy?
Wanting me me me time when the kids are still awake. And hating to play Polly Pockets; I imagine my daughter discussing with a therapist my disdainful attitude whenever she begged me to join her.
5. How did becoming a mommy change you?
I examine my own behavior and choices with a more critical eye - how am I representing moms & women? Am I being an effective positive role model? Did they just hear me say f*ck?
6. What advice would you give any future mommies-to-be?
Listen to your own instincts - Dr. Spock himself said we know more than we think we do. Don't let anyone frighten or guilt you into making moves that don't feel right for your family. Oh! And keep buying the sexiest underwear you can stand.
Most clearly I remember concerned nurses ordering me onto my hands and knees, jabbing an IV into my left hand and putting a pen in my right so I could sign the C-section waiver. I'd been at the hospital 10 minutes, and I'm left-handed. With my daughter, I vividly recall the pain inflicted by an incompetent trying to poke the IV into my (right, thankfully) hand for five excruciating minutes.
2. What weird cravings did you have, if any?
I constantly ate cinnamon-sugar toast and mini pretzels, plus frequently begged for Bismarcks. I'm not entirely sure any of that had to do with pregnancy, necessarily.
3. What other names were you debating, before you settled on the name you did?
For a boy, we liked Will and Reed. For a girl, I briefly tried to wrap my brain around Minnie, after my grandma. And we argued about Olivia - I like the name but my husband was set to call her Libby, which only reminds me of canned foods. Stu also lobbied for Sophie but I thought it would sound ridiculous (and stripper-like) with our very English last name, Spencer.
4. What's the hardest part about being a mommy?
Wanting me me me time when the kids are still awake. And hating to play Polly Pockets; I imagine my daughter discussing with a therapist my disdainful attitude whenever she begged me to join her.
5. How did becoming a mommy change you?
I examine my own behavior and choices with a more critical eye - how am I representing moms & women? Am I being an effective positive role model? Did they just hear me say f*ck?
6. What advice would you give any future mommies-to-be?
Listen to your own instincts - Dr. Spock himself said we know more than we think we do. Don't let anyone frighten or guilt you into making moves that don't feel right for your family. Oh! And keep buying the sexiest underwear you can stand.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
about stephanie, the bad mom with documentation
I'm coming from my personal blog that I started last year and named "bad mom" because of a note my then-4-year old son left me after I had done something quite egregious. It's a thrill to now know a) there are bad moms worldwide who freely discuss their shortcomings with glee and b) I've been invited to play with you all.
It's not part of the official introductory homework, but I'll tell you some other stuff anyway - I'm a teacher at an alternative high school (I am all about bad, apparently; although many of my students are delightful and not [too] bad), have been married almost 15 years (in a row, to the same guy), and would eat pizza every night for dinner if it weren't so socially unacceptable (and expensive).
Thanks for having me. Enjoy my badness.
It's not part of the official introductory homework, but I'll tell you some other stuff anyway - I'm a teacher at an alternative high school (I am all about bad, apparently; although many of my students are delightful and not [too] bad), have been married almost 15 years (in a row, to the same guy), and would eat pizza every night for dinner if it weren't so socially unacceptable (and expensive).
Thanks for having me. Enjoy my badness.
1. Post a picture of your kids.
Mason the carnivore, age 9
Paige the lover of all things stuffed & cute, age 7
2. Tell us all 3 things we wouldn't know about you.
Well if you looked at my other blog, you'd kinda know most stuff; perhaps I should be less forthcoming over there. Hmmm. How about - I had a huge crush on James Dean all through college; I bite my hangnails constantly; I always read while I brush my teeth.
3. Tell us some things we wouldn't know about your kids.The boy: weighed 4 lbs. when he was born; can do startlingly (and sometimes annoyingly) accurate impressions of people and animals; remembers outrageously trivial pieces of information yet frequently forgets things we've told him 30 seconds before; writes beautifully in cursive; loves watching Singin' in the Rain
The girl: sucks the pointer & middle fingers of her left hand; can add & multiply off the top of her head frighteningly fast; adores The Beatles; is skilled at putting together jigsaw puzzles; loves word searches
4. What quote/saying best describes the way you feel about being a mommy?A happy childhood has spoiled many a promising life. ~ Robertson Davies
5. Who's your Famous Mommy Role Model?
I really like Kate Winslet (and secretly pretend to be her when I'm out & about; if I were braver I would affect an English accent with the grocery clerk) - she looks lovely & charming yet slightly harried whenever she's doing regular mom things. And I find it refreshing that I couldn't pick her kids out of a line-up because she refuses to parade them around like trendy souvenirs.
6. If you could have one wish granted for your kids, what would it be?
For them to feel confident in their own abilities. It seems that would help a lot during the dreaded peer pressure moments. And, frankly, take some work off my shoulders (this is about being a bad mom, right?)
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