pet peeves

i have pets... 6 gold fishies... and Billy the cat... i've also had 3 dogs in the last 10 years... and Billy has outlived them all... what i find very interesting is that Jay, to this day remembers each and every one of the dogs... just yesterday he said, I miss Goggles (our boxer who died)... and Buksie... and Rex... the last dog "went away" almost three years ago, when Jay was 6, and he still remembers them! so I guess being a pet person also makes a difference, if you love dogs, you will love dogs from the first time you see one until your dying day... and if you don't like dogs, well let's just say then you're a cat person :)

ok back to my story... if Jay ever found out what happened to Buksie he will probably never talk to me again...

the divorce of course made everything go pear shaped... don't hate me OK?... here's what happened...

we had the cutest little dog called Buksie... and poor Buksie was just one word~ T R O U B L E... he got out of the yard every chance he got... he barked, he howled... he chewed, he peed and he pooped... so when we moved after the divorce, Buksie came with... and the complex we moved into generously allowed us to keep him... until the streams of complains started rolling in...

during the day Buksie would howl like a dog possessed, missing us ... so sad i know... and of course this was a huge irritation for everybody who lived close by... so after loads of complaints I was told that Buksie had to find a new home... or else... so I looked for a new owner, I really did... nobody could take him, and we just couldn't keep him any more... so I had him put to sleep.

I know... I am a terrible person... to this day i feel guilty... to make this even worse... i had to do this in secret and tell the kids that Buksie ran away... how cruel...

so i would love to have another dog... but frankly i'm in no position to care for one... we're never home... and i just can't bear thinking of doing what i've done ever again...

free fings... sweets

The question for the week: What 3 things do you do, as a mother, that goes against all the books?

1. I gave Kay a drag of my cigarette when he asked once, i still don't know if i should have or shouldn't have...


2. I let my kids drive my car (while sitting on my lap) i do the peddles and they do the steering.


3. When the boys have friends over for a sleepover I let them stay up all night... so i send back very tired and very cranky kids to their moms... i know... bad!

no can do's for sweets ;)

Write a post in which you relate seven things that you are

incapable of doing

now that you're a parent.

• Number one: IGNORE THE KIDS WHEN THEY SAY THEY'RE HUNGRY...i hate cooking... i really do... so when I've dragged myself into the kitchen after working the whole day, cooking is just not at the top of my list for fun relaxing things... i cook, i serve, we eat, seconds anybody? ...then I do the dishes... after the kitchen is clean and after I've eaten all the leftovers... i flop down on the sofa with a goofy grin... 5 seconds later Jay says... Mom I'm hungry...
• Number two: SLEEPING LATE... let me explain...I am capable of sleeping late but my kids are INCAPABLE of letting me... one morning i woke up with a kid both sides of my head ( I kept my eyes closed) and the one was whispering to the other... do you think she will be mad if we wake her up? LOL
• Number three: BUYING CLOTHES FOR MYSELF... the ratio is probably 1:5... so for every one piece of clothing I get, they each get five...
• Number four: USING MY HOME PC... i have no access to my own PC anymore... there is no time slot available!
• Number five: SHOPPING FOR HOURS... except if we're shopping for toys... there is no time limit then... but having two irritable naughty boys around when you're shopping for lingerie... well it doesn't work...
• Number six: BE ALONE IN THE BATHROOM... my ass would be on that toilet seat for 10.5 seconds... and there will be a knock on the door... enter unwelcome company :)
• Number seven: EATING A TREAT BOUGHT ONLY FOR ME... i hate sharing my sweets and treats, but when puppy-dog eyes look at you...what to do?

I'm twobodies mother ;)

Sweets signing up for motherhood...

…write a post explaining when it is that you most feel like a mother. And when it is that you don’t. When did you first realise that you were somebody's mother?

both my kids were planned, i loved being pregnant, i love everything about motherhood, i truly do...

what i didn't realise was that i was due to raise these two beasts alone, that was kind of a deal breaker, but i stepped up to the plate... and although mostly my single-mom-and-two-kids life is very very hard, and hugely overwhelming, I love every moment...

the big change for me came when I was a newly divorced single mom... we moved into our "new" place... and i had tremendous financial stress, the ex wasn't paying child maintenance yet and I was just flat broke (understatement of the century) and totally fucking ...

O~V~E~R~W~H~E~L~M~E~D...

i remember sitting on the backdoor step one day and just crying, didn't care who saw me or who heard me I just bawled... I was overwhelmed cause I realised for the first time in my life, the bucket stops right there at the backdoor step... with me...

if my kids were hungry, I had to feed them

if they got hurt, I had to pay for medical care

if our safety is threatened, I have to make sure they are safe

if their hearts were breaking cause they miss batman, I had to love them and make it all better

if they needed clothes, I had to buy them clothes

if they go to school, I have to pay the school fees

if they grow up without knowing God, I never taught them

needless to say things didn't change overnight, things slowly got better, very very slowly... and here I have to give thanks to my sister who literally phoned me every day and asked what I needed, if I needed anything... she gave it... and more.... and when I told her everything is fine, she persisted until I gave in and spilled the beans... she was relentless and I have no disillusions about the fact that if it wasn't for her... dear God I don't even want to think about it... she saved me and the boys in more ways than one.

the only times I don't feel like a mother is when I watch my kids play... or when I watch them do something and they are not aware that I'm watching, and I look at them, all healthy and happy and carefree... and I think... they are huge! they are happy! how on earth is it possible that they are mine? Amazing...

that and the one time when Kay was about two weeks old... we went out for an evening meal and I forgot him in the restaurant...sigh... true story :)

sweets update

Concerta turned out to be a kind of a blessing and a curse all mixed together in a white tablet to be taken once a day, with breakfast :)

it's about two weeks now that Kay's on the medication and although I'm trying soooooo hard to be negative about this... so i can just tell his doc..... sorry this drug is just not for my kid ok!?

sigh

it's kind of working... wonders

who knew?

the new focused super charged Kay is a easy child to live with, I never knew he was so all over the place until he wasn't anymore... he still eats his food, although a bit less, i noticed that... he's also struggling to sleep more than 6-8 hours at a time... i'll see more of the results with his school work next term, it's school holiday now... but the big breakthrough is ... he's not so anxious anymore...

he's taking chances! real "dangerous" steps in his mind... like walking to school! this is a HUGE step for him... i know it sounds silly but really, as his mother i know what a big deal this was... granted it's not all the way to school, halfway... but still... halfway!!!

I'm slowly exhaling and my heart is bursting a little cause I'm so proud of him!

baby steps... :)

news on sweets

no news isn't always good news, that is a fact... omg... i need happy pills... sigh... i know everybody always warns that it's difficult raising kids... but hells bells this is just ridiculous... i had no clue it could be this difficult... i feel like the baddest mommy ever... i screamed like a whore this morning... it wasn't pretty and I'm disgusted in myself... argh... tomorrow tomorrow i love you tomorrow... it's only a day away... hopefully tomorrow will be better... i keep telling myself that... that, and the fact that one of these days the kids have a holiday coming up...i just don't know how to be a decent mom at the moment... so yeah it's going like shit on that front at the moment...

other news... kay's new shrink wants to put him on Concerta... it's the newer version of Ritalin... good news?... i don't think so... i know it's the right thing to do... but giving my consent to put my 12 year old son on mind altering drugs, schedule 6 medicine... kind of freaks me out just a tiny little bit...

so there... that's my news... it sucks but I'll get there... i don't have a fucking choice do i...

Sweets~letter to my boys

Baby boys,

I know you’re not babies anymore, but you’ll always be my babies. Today you are 25, if I died then today is the day when you’ll get your money! Relax and listen to me first!!!!!!!!

It’s a whole lot of moolas there boys, if you use this money on shit (I can say shit now, you’re old enough) I’m not going to be impressed… use it wisely, build some sort of future with it, it can make all the difference in your life.

So if I’m dead I want to tell you guys a few things. I love you. I don’t know if you have any idea how you two rocked my world. I thank God that I had you two, you were perfect for me and I hope I was perfect for you. You made me smile when I thought I would cry forever, thanks for that, I don’t think you have a clue what that meant to me. I may have been rough with you guys, always complaining and screaming like a loon, but I did it cause I knew you could only impress a girl if there wasn’t food hanging out of your mouth, that makes sense now doesn’t it, I told you!

If there is one thing I want to leave with you it’s this: Life is really great, do things, experience life, don’t tie yourself down too soon and above else have no regrets, nobody’s perfect. When you meet a really cool girl, grab her and don’t let her go. You’ll know when that happens, if you’re not sure, it’s not that moment ok? Follow your gut and you’ll never go wrong, end of story. I hope you are happy, that makes me sad to think that I won’t be there to see what great guys you two will become, make me proud!

Remember to always have each others backs, really you two are all you have and a brother is worth so much I don’t have words to explain it, never ever let go of each other. Kay look after your younger brother, remember to not be too scared of life… shit happens but it’s all ok at the end, if you struggle with that, Jay keep him on his toes ok, it’ll be ok babe, I promise. Jay, stay grounded, you remind me so much of your Dad and that scares me a little, be true to yourself and don’t forget your roots, they are precious, then you too my sweet will be just fine.

I love you forever.
Don’t forget me please.
You’ve made me so proud.

Mommy

Before Sweets was a mommy~

Before I was a mommy…I had the body of a goddess…*sigh* I think I’ll go sit in the corner and cry some...

Before I was a mommy…I thought I would be such a cool mom, haha very funny... I don’t know if I’m a cool mom or not, but for some reason it doesn’t bother me, I have to do right by them, so if that makes me unpopular, lovin’ it !

Before I was a mommy…I slept thought the night and would not have woken up for any amount of money.

Before I was a mommy…it never dawned on me that I would be divorced and would have to do the parenting alone.

Before I was a mommy…I never knew I could love another human being so much. Then when I was expecting my second child I was petrified that I wouldn’t be able to love him as much as I did my first. Silly me.

Before I was a mommy…I didn’t know what hemorrhoids were.

Before I was a mommy… I sweat the small stuff… now my motto is… don’t sweat the small stuff!!

Before I was a mommy… I saw my own parents differently.

Before I was a mommy…I thought my life was perfect, but~ I was wrong :)

Sweets answers difficult questions!!

1. Do you remember a particular incident or moment from your own childhood that has influenced the way you raise your offspring?

when i think back on my childhood i really only have good memories, in that way i really really want my kids to have fond memories of their childhood, so i work hard building memories, making a huge thing of christmas, birthdays and such.

2. Have you started some kind of savings plan or investment thingy for when your kidlet(s) wants to go to college or varsity?

hell no... i should i know but there is so much to buy and so little money ;) i have a life policy on my ex, that has a savings portion, i'll probably use that when the time comes... otherwise i'll help them get student loans, i think that kids should be helped to be able to help themselves.

3. Do you think it’s possible to let go of “mommy guilt”, to forgive yourself and move on, to do better?

yes, but only if the kids forgive you. for example: last night i had a talk with kay, we had an issue and he still holds it against me... and i told him if he's not going to forgive me then things are never going to get better... everybody makes mistakes and even the kids have to learn how to forgive, so if you're forgiven it's way easier!

4. How long after giving birth did you want to have sex?

oh man... whahahahahahahaha... TMI coming up, be warned: i tore really badly giving birth so i walked like a duck for ages... i was so scared that having sex will tear everything open again... so my hubby got addicted to blow jobs ;)

sweets the mommy prima donna

1. What is the one thing you have said or done to your kid that you regret the most.

This is such a unfair question. I walk in shame. I smacked Kay over the head once, he is now 12 years old and still holds this against me.

What I also regret is that I told them what a loser their Dad is. I am a horrible person. My life was at that stage in total chaos/turmoil because of their Dad and I just lost it. I did apologise but I still feel horrible that I did that, that is the one thing a child never has to hear.

2. Have you passed any bad habits on to your kid/s?

They are both nail biters. Kay has kicked the habit but I'm still struggling to help Jay get over his "addiction". They both have bad tempers, oops...

3. Does your own mom rock or suck?

She is a rock star! I am blessed with the best Mom in the whole wide world, no kidding. She is the mother of my boys when I'm not around, she goes far beyond the call of duty and I can honestly say she loves my kids as her own. I love her dearly.

4. How do you feel about TV, music, popular media around your kids?

I try to keep violent TV from them, as well as too much sex, I don't want to over stimulate anything in their little minds.
We listen to music together, anything goes.
They play too much playstation and PSP...

5. Anything in particular you feel strongly about not letting your kid/s watch/listen to/read?

They don't like reading so they can read just about anything ;) I've taught them from a young age to be independant and to listen to their inner voice, if it doesn't feel right watching "this" I don't watch. I must admit that this has worked quite well up to now.

I wonder how I'm going to handle it when I get a dirty magazine hidden in their room... sigh.

do your home work!!! by Sweets ;-)

1. How is mothering, in reality, different from what you expected it to be?

2. What is something you, as a kid, vowed you would never say to your own kids? Have you kept the vow?

3. If someone stopped in to your house for a surprise visit, would you be glad for the company, or self-concious by the condition of your home?

4. If you had twins tomorrow (boy and a girl) and you got to name them without any input from anyone else, what would you choose?

5. Did you suffer from post natal depression (this is an awful boring question but I always wonder about this cause I didn't suffer myself)?

homework... sweetass

hey bridge... what happened to questions like... how much weight did you pick up during your pregnancy or... when was the first time you had sex after having your baby... just kidding... really good questions...!

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

with kay i was disappointed cause we couldn't afford anything at that stage, we just started out and didn't really think having a baby would be such a huge step, stupid i know... VERY stupid... so among other things i had to have kay at a government hospital.... which was quite humbling but not as bad as one would imagine... so all's well that end's well right... with jay everything was planned so there was no disappointments, i just wasn't at at my ideal weight and really just missed 100kg before i had him ...oer

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

all my school friends i lost or actually gave up... i started very early with kids, they all have babies now... and kay is 12... so huge gap and nothing really in common anymore... child-less friends... do i have any of those... lemme think... nope :-) if i had... i must have but just can't think now... i have every second weekend to myself when the kids go to their dad so i tend to use those weekends to overdo it

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?

hell yes... i make it very clear to them at every opportunity that i am only human, that i do my best but alas i am a female and human.... i don't admit every single mistake, but the stuff that should be acknowledged i do... can't always be right.

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

that i am always available to my kids, and that it's very obvious how much i love them both and that i'm a good mother

5. What is the worst?

oh fuck... that i'm not strict enough! that's so funny i'm rolling around on the floor laughing my ass off, he has no idea, and he's wrong btw ~ i don't want my kids to remember their childhood filled with doom and gloom and perfect manners, i just DON'T sweat the small stuff and the ex, well~ he just loooooooooves the small stuff

home work...

1. What do you remember most clearly about the birth of your kids?

kay, it took 18 hours to push that boy out the natural way... argh... but it was unbelievable, most mom's don't experience the natural way and mother nature takes over, quite incredible

jay... it took met 6... epidural, i remember being very scared...

with both i was just hugely glad that both were normal.


2. What weird cravings did you have, if any?

with kay i had no cravings, but with jay i made myself beans, potato and onion mix every single day with loads of pepper...


3. What other names were you debating, before you settled on the name you did?

i thought kay was a girl (no sonars back then, or not so available as today) and wanted to call "her" Jessie, with Jay I liked Jason.


4. What's the hardest part about being a mommy?

the responsibility of being a single mom is overwhelming at times, i worry that i'm not giving them everything that they should have.


5. How did becoming a mommy change you?

good question! i became the opposite of selfish...


6. What advice would you give any future mommies-to-be?

don't sweat the small stuff!

introducing ... kay and jay......!!

aka (names deleted)... the sweet offspring of sweetass...

post a picture of your kid... i have two kidlets... i refer to them as my beasties... couldn't post a just one so here's two photos... i think they are so bloomin beautiful!

Tell us all 3 things we wouldn't know about you:

oh dear... here goes

• i don't own a vibrator... i really should go buy one... sorry is this too un~mommy~like??... sorry if it is... you asked after all
• i have a really really bad temper... i hate that about myself
• i've never done drugs... tried weed with no effect...nada...

Tell us some things we wouldn't know about your kidS:

• they love motorbikes... they now each have one of their own... luckily i have a good medical aid
• both my kids have my temper, i am irish after all... it doesn't help that their daddy also has a horrible temper, even worse than mine, so .... sigh... not good
• onto better things: kay will tell me he loves me about 20 times a day... love that about him
• jay is very lazy and has a way with his mommy... i end up doing everything for him
• they are addicted to playstation, psp and dvd's... it's a sickness i tell ya
• both of my kids love fruit... probably because i force fed them the stuff since birth
• they love to sleep in my bed, i've started to break that habit slowly but surely
• they both hate school
• kay has a very good sense of humour
• jay is a true gentleman, he will do things for me without me asking

What quote/saying best describes the way you feel about being a mommy?

i don't know what i would have done without my kids... it's not a saying or a quote, i just say it lots and lots...

Who's your Famous Mommy Role Model:

if i HAVE to... madonna or julia roberts... no particular reason they just seem to do the mommy~thing quite well and with dedication...

If you could have one wish granted for your kid(s), what would it be?

that they find peace with themselves at an early age and live every second to the fullest... and probably most of all i wish they'll be happy... ok that's more than one wish but i'm a mama one wish is not good enough!! to summarise... i hope they never have any regrets about anything!