Count the Bad Mommies

Friday, February 1, 2008

interrogation... you've never been in my hotseat

Homework assignment #3... apparently this one was difficult. I think it is my squeaky clean wholesome goody goodness *giggle* that makes these questions so easy for me to answer...

What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

That I spent 7 months puking at the drop of a hat. I was in a good place, in a good relationship. I was disappointed at all, we were happy… but oh the “morning” sickness made me want to hurt people.

How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

It hasn’t been a problem. Most of our good friends were happy to have K be a part of their life. She has a bunch of extra aunts and uncles.

Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?

Yes. She knows I‘m not perfect. I hope it gives her a better view of humanity and a better ability to admit her own mistakes.

What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

That I am an amazing mother

What is the worst?

Nothing too bad, that I spoil her.

I’m soooooooooooooo boring.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Some Curiosities....

Phillygirl, from "Glad To Be A Girl" sent me the following email:
If you don't read this, you should ;)
Can other people request questions from the moms on the bad mommy blog?
I'd like to know :
1. what was the thing nobody told you about the whole giving birth experience?
2. did you have to see the placenta (is it gross?) ... and did you do anything bizarre with it (keep it in the freezer, eat it etc) ?
3. what is/was the cutest baby item you owned?
4. I'm worried I'll be annoyed if the in-laws buy all the fun stuff that I want to chose for my one-day kiddies ... is it really a problem forthose of you who are ovely-controlling or are you just so thrilled bythe gifts & spoiling?
5. how old was your kid when they learnt their first swear word and who was it from? (my ex-boyfs dad was so looking forward to his firstgrandkids and was determined to teach them to say f**k. I promptlyreplied that the day my kid came home saying that was the last un-supervised visit he'd have :) ):)
So ladies: what are your responses? (You are allowed to answer this one in the comments section, by the way!)

Home... portrayed by a 13 year old

This is a poem that my 13 year old wrote to me a few weeks ago and I saw it on my desk this morning and I thought you would all like to read it..

He wrote this to me after I told him that since he doesn't like my rules and my home he should phone his dad and arrange to be collected..

So after a few minutes he came and gave this to me...

" Home by J

Home is a place where you feel safe
Home is a place where people love you
Home is a place where people go out of their way to help you
Home is not a place to fight
It is all of the above and much more
Here is my home
And if not... Where is my home? "


A Bad Mommy Being Interrogated By Bridget

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

Sheesh, since I was 17 years old I had a LOT of them!
No matric dance... no time-honored post-matric road trip... no varsity after school... no European backpacking... no hubby/ boyfriend to help raise my child as his family weren’t interested... people I thought were my friends turned out not to be...
As for coping, I had my family, I had friends and I had my church. I decided I was not going to be one of those teenage moms who simply vanish off the face of the earth when they leave school because they’re pregnant... at least, that was what happened in the nineties. I dealt with it by carrying on as normally as I possibly could. Given the circumstances.

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

To be honest, this took me a while to work through. I was so jealous of my friends ability to go gallivanting as and when they pleased that I’d resent them telling me about their adventures... and then I’d get upset when they didn’t include me! And after a little while they didn’t include me because I got snippy when they spoke to me about what they’d been up to and didn’t want to upset me! Talk about a rock and a hard place.
I had to face the facts and put on my big-girl panties and deal with it though, otherwise I’d have lost them forever. Now most of my friends have children, albeit a lot younger than Damien...

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?

Um, am I a bad mommy if I admit I have?
Yes I have. I have apologised to Damien for accusing him of something he didn’t do. I have apologised to him for skimping on his Christian education so much when he was younger. I have apologised to him on occasion for snapping or yelling when there was no call for it.

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

Lessee... we split when I was three months pregnant and haven’t spoken since, so what say I make it up, eh... Nuh, I’m not going to bother... I doubt he’s ever said anything since he’s never met Damien.
I’ve had lots of friends and family members tell me they admire my strength and see me as a role model (WTF??!?) to other single and teen moms.

5. What is the worst?

snigger... with mine and Damien’s track record, I reckon the dude would have a field day given the opportunity!
There have been other people- complete strangers sometimes- who have accused me of being a lazy mother who can’t cope because I medicate my son for his ADHD...

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

He's Just A Teenage Dirtbag

So um... Can you still give your child up for adoption when he's 16 going on 5?
I swear will make up a perfect "profile" for him and write a real sob story as to why I have to give him up- 'coz I just know if I tell the truth no one will take him...
Fucking hell I am so tired of his crap!
AND I have a bladder infection which doesn't help my mood, AND its that time of the month, which doesn't help my mood...
Good grief, you'd think Damien might have learnt to interpret the danger signs by now- even when I tell him I'm PMSing a bit he doesn't seem to get it.

Anyhoodle, he took money out of my wallet yesterday morning, and when I called him on his cell to ask him about it I didn't ask I just told him to bring it back- as this is how I handle Damien when I KNOW he's done something wrong.

So I get home yesterday afternoon and he has again barricaded himself into his bedroom ('coz I took the key away) and he's throwing stuff around and playing music loudly... on MY mini-hi-fi which he has removed from the living room!!!!


He has also chucked all sports of crap out of his room into the passage- including a framed picture of him and I when he was about seven years old- and I know this is SO clearly an attempt to hurt my feelings. So I bang on the door till he hears me and I ask him where my money is.
"Look on the coffee table." he growls, and shuts the door again.
I bang on the door again until he opens it and tell him to put my hi-fi back where it belongs and then I walk away before I throttle him.

I go to the lounge and on the coffee table is a packet of thirty cigarettes and a school notice. I go straight back to Damien's door and bang on it till he opens it.
I say: "Thats not my money Damien."
He grunts back at me with "...didn't you read the note?"
I walk away again before I poke his eyes out.

I go back to the lounge and find the note he has hurriedly scribbled. It reads as follows:

I useD my money anD some of your money To get you this To sHow THat I'm sorry For FinisHing your smokes yesturDay But you proBaBly wont give a FUCK Because I sTole your money But I dont care Im Damien anD I Dont give a FLying Fuck aBouT anyone unless I'm HAPPY!
PS: I can't Have Life Science anD C.A.T. THey're BoTH aT tHe same Time I Life. Sci. or C.a.t.

This little missive fills a foolscap page. I have also included his spelling mistakes and and and... I went to him and instructed him to remove the barricade. I then stood looking at him and asked if the note was supposed to be an apology.
He stands there looking at me, and when he's pissed at me he has a way of pursing his lips and biting on his jaw so I just know he's dying to say something to me- and that look on his face makes me wanna smack him one! He says no, its not an apology. Then he has the audacity to complain that my calling him in the morning almost got his phone confiscated because it was during class!!!
Fucking hell... anybody wanna adopt me maybe?
I walked away before I ripped his ears off in fury.
We didn't speak much last night. He spent most of the night throwing things around his room and I spent the night blogging and Skyping.
Were still not really talking this morning because once again- despite his reassurances to me that he was ready for school last night already- his school shirt had mysteriously vanished in the night.
AND my car radio is broken, which resulted in his trying to tell me its not my radio its the speakers, 'coz I'm an idiot and he is all knowing.

To spank or not to spank

When I first heard the new anti-spanking laws. I was like, WTF? How DARE anyone tell me I am not allowed to spank my kid !!

Ciara has been given a few hidings in her life. She has always been spanked on the bottom or tapped on the hands (for touching things she ain't supposed to!)

I have had heated arguments with anti-spanking parents about this issue, and really, at the end of the day Ciara is not abused in any sense of the word, and no-one is going to change my mind about the value of a good smack on the bottom.

My main opposition to this law is that our child services are already over loaded with REAL, AWFUL cases of UNSPEAKABLE abuse, how the hell are they going to police a spank on the bottom? If Ciara is throwing one of her world renowned tantis in Pick ‘n Pay and I give her a smack on the behind, am I going to end up behind bars? How ludicrous. Instead of one social worker to 30 cases, it will now be one social worker to 100 cases, or more. Feels like we are going backwards, neh?

But then I sat and thought about it for a while, and realised what these laws are really about.
They are about that father who claims that he broke his 3 year old childs arm in the process of disciplining her.

They are about that mother who killed her child with a wallop on the head, and claims to have been disciplining him.

They are about that new mother who has grown so frustrated and tired that she shakes her baby to death, claiming "trying to discipline".

They are about all those people out there who cannot understand that their is a huge difference between a spank on the bottom and a hit to the head with a baseball bat.

Most of us have enough common sense to know that beating our children is not okay. Unfortunately there are too many who don’t have any common sense at all - and burning kids with cigarettes seems a perfectly acceptable way to teach your child something.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The Pickle is a cheecky little sod

One of the biggest challenges of being a full-time mum is the visitation to the Alpha Parent.

The Pickle has been living with her Pappy since she was just a baby. It was because of circumstance that she ended up living with him, chief among which, was my going back to school.
Now she lives with me.

It’s been a sheer challenge.

Last weekend she visited her father for the first time this year. He had come over to see her for a day but this was their first weekend together.

The Pappy and I had agreed that he should stay away longer so that she gets used to being cooped up behind tall walls, electric gates, no pets, no farm animals and her new play school. But on Thursday The Pickle threw the biggest fit known to man.

She kicked, she creamed, she swore and ended the whole debacle spectacularly by throwing up. She wanted to see Gwenny (The Dingbat), and Papi and Mr Darcy (the cat I won’t allow in my house).

I let her go.

Now she is back.

Any form of routine we had established she has thrown out the window. She is back to waking up at 5am, playing her animation DVDs with the volume very high and demanding breakfast at 6am. She is refusing to eat the prepared supper, opting instead to demand all sorts of take out.

My patience is fizzling.

My daughter is a spoilt brat.

What are the laws on smacking em?

About Ready To Do Something Drastic

I feel like I haven't slept in about a thousand million years. I know some mothers have it much worse, and I know I should be grateful he only wakes at 1 am and then again at 4 am. But fukkit. When he wakes up at 4am, his day begins and he wants to fucking play. And i can put him down on the bed right next to the boyfriend, and let The Kid cry, and the boyfriend will sleep right fucking through the din.
How unfair is that? I cant even sleep if I can hear The Kid tossing and turning. He doesn't even have to be crying. And the worst thing is, boyfriend gets up in the middle of the night to go have a pee, gets back into bed and makes a noise tossing and turning or wakes me up for a chat, and then The Kid wakes up too. And I'm left to deal with wide-awake Kid while all I want to do is get some fucking sleep.
People keep telling me it gets easier as they get bigger. Fuck that. I want it easier now! I dont ask for much. All I want is a little more sleep.

Homework Week 3 - Because I Can...

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

"I was young and had just put down a deposit on a flat , it was a crappy flat but it was going to be my first.. It took me months convincing my dad that I was a big girl when numbnuts aka arsef?k knocked me up and blew that fish out of the water for me..
...instead I got the pleasure of getting married to a guy I didn't know living a life I wasn't sure of.."

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

"I don't have much problem with that since I tell people that my pumpkins are the neighbours kids who just tend to hang around alot cos I make nice food.."

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?

"Nope, never.. swore my family to secrecy and have threatened to shave off all their eyebrows while they sleep if they even so much as utter ..'when your mom was younger'.."

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

"You are a fantastic mom.."

5. What is the worst?

"My eldest got hurt once falling from the back of a bakkie and we had to rush him to hospital because he fell on his head.. he was only 8 months old at the time and I was supposed to be watching him..
My ex blamed me for this and told the hospital it was my fault and left me there.. they almost had me arrested for abuse until my doctor(who knew me and realised what was going on) came to my rescue and sorted the whole thing out.. I never forgave
arsef?k for pulling that on me.. It was his way of teaching me a lesson.."


demmit and morons...

Just when you think things are going smoothly all the planets will get together and align themselves just to remind you that life is a madam and you are her bitch...

So I get the phone call at work on Friday.. you know the one..

"..Hello J's Mom, Please don't panic he is fine now..."

Blood drains from your body and you are afraid of what you are about to hear next..

"..J had an accident while on his team building exercise and a log rolled onto him and I am afraid his nail has been ripped off of his finger and you will need to collect him and take him to the medical centre.."

OMW!! Is that all .. no problem this is no problem ..really.. why the hell do I feel this sense of wanting to rip someones head off then?

Got to the school at a rate of knots with some godforsaken pair of slops on and no makeup.. I think the teacher thought I was on drugs with the look on my face.. I bundled my little pumpkin in the car all the while thinking of the things I could do with a log that would make me feel better...

So at the Doctors room, after loads of anaesthetic ,the remnants of his fingernail was ripped off and bottled for show and tell.. In fact he said he was going to shove it under DP's(the boy who was responsible for the log rolling on J) nose and show him what he did..

That's my boy!

So I took him back to the school afterwards so he could continue with the leadership course with all the bravado that only my pumpkins would have...


Answering the Interrogator: Bad Mommy Homework Week #3

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?
my biggest disappointment was the fact that I was going to quit smoking, drinking and partying. Especially smoking dope – that was going to have to stop completely. The last drink and joint I had been on the 20th of March 2007 (I didn’t know that I was already three weeks pregnant – I discovered the next day)

Went to the doctor, because I had been throwing up for a few days, and I thought I had gastro (it was going around at the time) and boyfriend insisted on getting I t checked out and getting some medication.
Doctor: is there any chance you could be pregnant?
Me: No, dude, I had my period three weeks ago!
Doctor: would you mind doing a pregnancy test anyway?
Me: sure, but it’s a waste of time, and a waste of a good pee-stick.
[I peed on the stick, went back into his office to wait with boyfriend]
Doctor: Congratulations! You’re expecting a child.

I started crying and boyfriend went deathly-white.
Doctor: obviously you’re not thrilled. Have you considered your options?
Me: my father is going to have a fit.
Doctor: if you want to book a termination, book with Dr Coetzee, I don’t do those. I don’t believe in them. Obviously I will encourage you to keep it. And cut out all your drinking and smoking.

I also realized that if I decided to keep the baby and make things work with the father, I’d never be able to move back to my home town. All my friends and my father are there. That was hard. Coping with it: I go back and visit whenever I can. I speak to my friends on Facebook, talk to my father on the phone every day. He comes to visit when he can too.

As for the smoking and drinking – I cut the joints out completely. Same for the vodka. I would have the occasional cider when we went out. The smoking cigarettes was a bit harder. I quit while I had morning sickness (about 4-5 months) and then started again. I couldn’t help myself. Bad, bad mommy.

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?
most of my friends are in another city, so it hasn’t been too hard. But Boyfriend’s friends haven’t been so understanding. They bitch we’re hiding The Kid from them, and they get all miff when they invite us out and we cant come because we’re exhausted from being parents. I just tell them to grow up. They’ll see us when they see us.

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?
Well he can’t really talk yet, and doesn’t understand a word I say – so I haven’t. But perhaps I will, perhaps I won’t. I find it very difficult to admit I’m wrong.
4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?
He says I am a wonderful mother, and that he’s always impressed how I can get The Kid to stop crying in two seconds flat. He’s amazed at my patience.
5. What is the worst?
He brings up the fact that The Kid rolled off the couch and bumped his head, when we are having an argument. He also says I dress The Kid like a dork.

homework... sweetass

hey bridge... what happened to questions like... how much weight did you pick up during your pregnancy or... when was the first time you had sex after having your baby... just kidding... really good questions...!

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

with kay i was disappointed cause we couldn't afford anything at that stage, we just started out and didn't really think having a baby would be such a huge step, stupid i know... VERY stupid... so among other things i had to have kay at a government hospital.... which was quite humbling but not as bad as one would imagine... so all's well that end's well right... with jay everything was planned so there was no disappointments, i just wasn't at at my ideal weight and really just missed 100kg before i had him ...oer

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

all my school friends i lost or actually gave up... i started very early with kids, they all have babies now... and kay is 12... so huge gap and nothing really in common anymore... child-less friends... do i have any of those... lemme think... nope :-) if i had... i must have but just can't think now... i have every second weekend to myself when the kids go to their dad so i tend to use those weekends to overdo it

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?

hell yes... i make it very clear to them at every opportunity that i am only human, that i do my best but alas i am a female and human.... i don't admit every single mistake, but the stuff that should be acknowledged i do... can't always be right.

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

that i am always available to my kids, and that it's very obvious how much i love them both and that i'm a good mother

5. What is the worst?

oh fuck... that i'm not strict enough! that's so funny i'm rolling around on the floor laughing my ass off, he has no idea, and he's wrong btw ~ i don't want my kids to remember their childhood filled with doom and gloom and perfect manners, i just DON'T sweat the small stuff and the ex, well~ he just loooooooooves the small stuff

Homework - Kerryn

Sheesh Bridge, ask some hard ones why don’t ya!!

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?
Because Ciara wasn’t planned and I wasn’t married, my biggest disappointment was to myself and my partner. We were not ready for her, and there were many, many things we still wanted to do (travel, enjoy our twenties!) I always wanted kids, but just not right then!

I had to accept the reality was that I was with child and I could either love it or hate it. I made a conscious choice to love it, and really enjoyed my pregnancy after that!

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of childless friends?
Most of my friends have children of their own, which makes it easier. Some childless friends don’t really mind that I have a kid, and some are more reluctant. Really, nothing much has changed in our relationship.

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?
My biggest, worst and most difficult to stop mistake is that I am incredibly impatient. I have no problem apologising to Ciara when I react impatiently towards her. I have to keep reminding myself that she is only seven. As of today I am not aware of any other "big" mistakes I’ve made. Ask me again when she’s 15, and I’m sure I’ll have a long, long, long list!

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?
After we first separated, and he spent his first day alone with her. He told me he has a lot more respect for what I do day in and day out. He never realised how tiring being a parent was.

5. What is the worst?
Where shall I start. Lol, just kidding. Not much really. He says I baby her too much, but I honestly don’t think that’s a bad thing!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Bad Mommy Homemork: Bridget Asks The Questions.

The format of these is really simple. I'm the Bad Cop as well as the Good Cop. This is an Interrogation Chamber! You answer my questions! End of story.

1. What was your biggest disappointment when you found out you were pregnant and how did you cope with it?

2. How have you managed, if you have, to retain the friendships of child-less friends?

3. Have you acknowledged the mistakes you have made in raising your child, to your child?

4. What is the best thing your kid's other parent has said about your parenting?

5. What is the worst?

I Told Him The Kid Wasn't His

Mr Thrills and I had a rip-roaring argument this weekend. Cant really remember what it was really about, but I think it was set off by him losing the car keys and expecting me to find them. (Along with blaming me for losing them).

I did the usual tantrum related stuff - kicked his braai kit across the courtyard and poured juice on it, then bounced the cup along the paving. I slammed his car door, poured juice on the carpet in the garage and broke a glass or two.

I packed my bag, and a million bags for The Kid (how much shit do babies actually have!?) and sat waiting by the front door on the couch (the couch had no cushions, Mr Thrills had thrown them all off in his huff to find his keys) for my step-father to fetch me.

Mr Thrills took The Kid out of his playset and refused to give him to me. Telling me I wasn't going to take his kid away from him.

Mr Thrills: You're not taking my kid away from me.

Me: I am. Give him here.

[repeat the above one hundred times]

After that kind of kindergarten mentality argument, I swiftly snatched The Kid away and spat 'he's not even your child anyway!'.

He looked at me in shock for a second and asked 'whose is he then?'

I said: 'Dave's'. [Everyone has been joking recently that because The Kid looks like he has a slight ginger tint to his hair, that it must be Freckle Dave's kid]

He sat down on the floor and started laughing.

Didn't believe me at all.

Yet a few months before The Kid was born, every time we had an argument it was 'I bet you that child's not even mine'. And I would tell him he could have paternity tests until they ran out of paternity tests. The results would always be the same.

We fight an awful lot. All the time. Constantly. We fight about nothing. We fight about fighting. We fight about everything.

Is this normal?

Sunday, January 27, 2008

sick sickety sick

What does a bad mommy do with a sick little kid with a 101 degree fever?

One that doesn't want to eat, sleep, talk or even dance and play?


juice. water. meds. juice. crackers. water. tv. tv. tv. juice. crackers. cats. tv. tv. tv. soup. more juice...

a little bit of love.

some cuddles...

and of course some more water juice and tv...

What do you do when your little one is so sick they don't even have the energy to drive you nuts?