Count the Bad Mommies

Friday, July 11, 2008

being a mother

...write a post explaining when it is that you most feel like a mother. And when it is that you don't. When did you first realise that you were somebody's mother?

Right now, I feel most like a mother when my kids are experiencing significant emotional hardships - the kind of things only a mom's insight can help them through.

Examples: My daughter (just turned 8) has friends who are already starting the "You look fat in that" and "Let's not play with her" nonsense. I have to stop myself from simply judging & commanding - "That's dumb, don't be mean" - and come up with a dialogue that will [hopefully] keep her talking to me honestly through the coming (scary scary) teen years.

With my son, we visited a neurologist this year and are pretty certain he has mild Tourette Syndrome along with OCD. As a mother, I have to help him understand the technical stuff but more importantly, give him some useful tools for coping in a sometimes cruel world when all he wants is to be "normal" and have friends who don't think he's "weird."

Not feeling like a mother comes surprisingly easy for me. Maybe because I'm also a teacher, I naturally slip between the roles I play everyday. When I put on my going-out wardrobe (cleavage-revealing tops, tighter-ass jeans) and get myself to a cocktail party or bar, I flip the Mommy switch to Sassy Hottie Wife.

It's funny how having a baby placed in your arms doesn't necessarily trigger that "I'm a mom now" feeling. I had the realization hit me hardest when I ran into a woman at the library who looked at me and said, "Oh! You're Mason's mom!" I took for granted my everyday life with him; to have an outsider 'label' me made it real.

Who knew this job would be so fricking complicated? And for no salary. But even though I can't buy shoes with what I get out of it, the rewards are great.

10 comments:

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

i know all about the 'oh, so you're The Kid's mom' syndrome...

feels a bit odd when it hits you, doesn't it?

angel said...

aah yes... "you're damien's mom" so brings it home.
for me its sorta like the afrikaans south african culture that teaches kidlets to refer to grown ups as "oom" or "tannie" (uncle or aunt) to be polite. the first time someone only slightly younger than you calls you "tannie" its more than a small shock!

sweets said...

i'm a tannie too... good grief i hate every second of it :) i have to stop myself every time, cause i want to say so badly... "who's your frikkin tannie???"

Stu said...

I like it when you flip that switch...

-Stu

Janet said...

the second oldest boy of the neighbors' next door 6 kids had mild Tourettes...I didn't know til a few years ago and I never noticed it in him...I just thought he was the hot older neighbor boy ;-)

Lisa Milton said...

We love your boy; we love his quirks and his sweetness and his brains. The way he flirts with babies and generously gives out the best hugs.

I wish he didn't have something extra to add to the load of growing up, but I know you'll lead him through the bumps.

:)

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

What a poignant post.

www.restlesshousewife.com said...

Wouldn't it be awesome to have complete control over everyone that gets near your kids, what they say to them, how they treat them?! That's so annoying what your daughter is going through. I'm absolutely sure that you are handling it in the best way possible. I don't know what the hell I"m going to do when my 2 year old is going through sh*t like that -

Anyway - great post. Love the switch thing - hope to do that SOME day! I sure miss being a hotty~:-D

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

If you want to have a deeper conversation about the TS and giving him the tools--I'm your girl. Danger Boy was diagnosed when he was 10, although he developed it at 5. I have totally been there.

dkuroiwa said...

Oh...the "hot mom" switch...I remember that!! actually...I lost about 10 pounds recently and I think I found where the switch is again!!! What fun!!
Being a married-working full time-single (usually)-mom...I find the "hats" I wear are many. I wish there was more time to actually "feel" like a Mom...I almost have to work that into the schedule!! Feeling like a Mom is being on the couch with the boys on either side of me...reading a book before bed.
From what I know of you, I have nothing but the utmost faith that your family will handle whatever comes your way...be it your sons situation or anything else for that matter.