Count the Bad Mommies

Friday, June 13, 2008


I had some news this week that a friend of mines 14 year old daughter had her first real kiss. I was thrilled in the way only a close friend, but not the actual mom can be.

This got me thinking about milestones and the bitter-sweet feelings they bring with them.

Ciara has physically been an incredibly easy child to mother.

She day-time potty trained so well, and potty trained herself during the night. She wet the bed maybe two or three times, and I have never restricted her intake of liquid at all. She has trained her body and bladder very well. This was the first and only milestone I have ever felt only glad about - not having to clean shitty nappies - yay!!

Her first day of Big School (Grade 1 - 2007) was wonderful and sad. My little baby is growing up. Kitted out in her Big Girl uniform, which was too big for her, she looked so happy and nervous and excited about her new adventure. The outside of my said "Yay, look at you my big girl" but the inside of me cried just a little.

I have always bathed Ciara. For two reasons, One : I enjoyed it and Two : I didn't think she could do a proper job of it. But then she wanted to do it herself, and in the shower. Hooray, I shouted on the outside, what a big, independent girl you are. "Don't take away my bathing please" I shouted on the inside. My baby was growing up.

Ciara turned 7 in January - SEVEN. She is growing so fast, and so beautifully.

Letting go is hard to do, and on the outside my face smiles, and the encouraging and appropriate words come out, but on the inside I cry just a little for the lost joys of being needed for everything, for that little girl with the big blue eyes who saw me as flawless and amazing and capable.


Trev said...

Oh my! I'll tell you that first kiss milestone is one that I'll try with all my might to push off as long as possible. Luckily, with a young girl, that's a looooooong ways off!


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angel said...

oh that is indeed beautifulyy written... there are so many things i miss and so many things i am proud of at the same time!